Being a Knob is Bad, Right?

If you are one of the three people who read this blog on a regular basis, you know my complete and utter disdain for reality TV (and that’s putting it mildly). I don’t care about brainless bimbos and dorks who live in there mother’s basements and write fanfic all day trying to get together. I don’t care about some internet hooker in a bi-sexual dating show. I don’t care about idiots who want to strap themselves into a lie detector for cash and I certainly don’t care if you are smarter than a fifth grader. However there is some reality shows I do like, all thanks to a foul-mouthed Brit.

I only came to this realization last night, when I told the Duchess I really wanted to watch something at 8. I then found myself turning to BBC America to watch “Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares”. I find something enjoyable about watching tools try (and fail) to run a restaurant, all while Ramsey hurls insults at them (half of which get bleeped out). I think I laughed for 5 straight minutes last night when Ramsey uncorked a torrent of obscenities at some owner, finished by calling him fat, and the poor owner was so overmatched, he called Ramsey a “knob”. I just find the word “knob” funny. Looking at some of these menus, it makes me wonder if all restaurants should be forced to hire someone with common sense, who’s soul job it is to dispense some common sense. Who wants a shark fin covered in mozzarella cheese? Seriously, I would like to know. Who would want a “do it yourself” menu? I go out so I don’t have to think, I don’t want to pay you to make food that I thought up. One of the best things about this is the fact that Brits are so passive/aggressive, that they’ll agree if you push just a little, but then either do nothing or unleash a string of obscenities at the camera when no one is around. It’s like they want to beat the ever-living snot out of Ramsey, they are just too scared to try it. My main problem with the American version was that Ramsey would have to go so over the top with his criticisms that it just sort of took away from what was going on. Plus, most of the owner I wanted to just flat out fail. At least the Brits will listen to what he’s saying and try it out. Another good thing is we get the follow-up like a month later to see if they actually listened to him or if they had a full frontal lobotomy and decided not to listen to the millionaire chef.

Of course when you talk about Ramsey, you need to talk about “Hell’s Kitchen”. Basically Ramsey gets together a group of bimbos, incompetents, hard workers, and ego-maniacs and has them compete to run a new restaurant that will be opening soon. The best is the fact that Ramsey will not only insult the chefs competing, but also the customers of the restaurant who have the poor misfortune of having to eat the crap that comes out of the kitchen (if it comes out at all). In Season 2, Ramsey hit a point no one will ever approach when he told some female customer (who was complaining about the food) to get “your tits off my counter”. He actually said this. I almost broke a rib laughing so hard. I rewound it and watched it like 20 times. You can find it on YouTube. The poor chick was horrified and ended up flipping over a plate in disgust. My only problem is that he’s the only judge and I don’t understand what he’s thinking half the time. Back to season 2, one of the girls got to the finals based on her ability to make salads, her big jugs, and her ability to flirt with Ramsey. In three seasons, he’s made people cry, walk out, and go to the hospital. He’s a fucking one man wrecking crew. The best part is he doesn’t put up with shit. Everyone who has a real job knows of at least one assface who is a complete fucking knob and needs to be screamed at and tossed out. Alas, they are back at work the next day, bumbling their way through their job and no one says a thing about it. Not in Hell’s Kitchen. Ramsey will unleash a flurry of obscenities that would make a sailor blush, and will turn the first person with a thin skin into a crying mess and then boot them from the show for giving him attitude (or just looking at him the wrong way). I’d love a boss like that. I would definitely keep me on my toes.

Now, I’m not changing my mind on reality shows, but seeing someone get chewed out for fucking up a Beef Wellington is 100 times better than watching some whore disgrace herself for Flavor Flav on “Flavor of Love”. Plus, it’s done by a Brit, and their obscenities are more fun and more extensive than American obscenities. So, I’ll keep watching Gordon Ramsey and pretend that shit like “The Rock of Love” doesn’t exist.