Yesterday, I gave you the run down of the Eastern Conference and today we have the Western Conference. This one is a little trickier, since any of these teams can pretty much finish anywhere and it wouldn’t be much of a shock (unless San Jose wins it all). I do have to get one thing out of the way before I start. Beckham. Just needed to type it. You know it’s going to be brought up, so it’s good to just get it out of the way early. So, here’s the rundown, from first to worst.
1) LA Galaxy – Ugh, I’m physically sick just typing it. I know a lot of you are thinking I’m some sort of sadist, but hear me out. They have three of the most dynamic players in the game in Landon Donovan, David Beckham, and Carlos Ruiz. If the three can stay healthy, they will have no problems with scoring. Ruiz is back where he wants, so he should flourish again. There new coach is a little bit of a control freak but has a track record for success, so hopefully the team will get behind him. The younger players need to step up, and none more than Steve Cronin, the rookie goalie. Can he stop high scoring teams like Chivas? That’s the main question.
2) Chivas USA – I nearly picked them first, but Brad Guzan stopped me. Yes, I know he’s the best goalie in the MLS, but you’re deluded if you think he’ll be with Chivas all season long. The thing that derailed Chivas last year was the lack of depth at forward, but only got Alecko Eskandarian to help with the problem (the man’s picture is next to “streak” in the dictionary). Plus, there schedule is a bear, with Superliga, the CONCACAF club championship, and the US Open Cup. However, this is a scrappy team that can pull it together and possibly win the whole thing.
3) Houston Dynamo – I feel bad for not giving the two time defending MLS champs some love, but they do their best work in the playoffs. They lost there incredible depth, which could spell trouble due to their schedule (look at Chivas to see what they are facing). With some goal scorers leaving, they will rely on the oft-injured Brian Ching and Dwayne DeRosario to do the bulk of the scoring. If the team gets in trouble, they will do what they always do and trade, but who wants to trade with them? They have one of the best defenses in the league, but they need some scoring.
4) FC Dallas – I was getting all excited about watching Denilson stink it up again, then he goes and leaves. You have to love a team where one of their midfielders rocks a mullet (business in the front, party in the back). It all comes down to Kenny Cooper. He needs to be able to light up the scoreboard, since he will be the main target player. The defense is sketchy but shouldn’t be too bad. There main problem is it’s a young team with no leaders. They need someone to step up and lead this team on the field.
5) Real Salt Lake – Okay, stop laughing. This team actually came on at the end of last season, keeping games close. They must have hypnotized Nick Rimando to believe he was Kasey Keller, because he went from shaky to stable. He will need to do that the whole year. I think the team’s success will be based on Kenny Deuchar, who ripped it up in the Scottish Premier League. He’ll need to do the same here. This team can make a run if everything falls right for them.
6) Colorado Rapids – You know the old saying “defense wins championships”? You actually need some offense to go with it. There leading scorer last year had 6 goals, with 4 coming from penalty kicks. The team has 29 goals in 30 matches! They can’t score and did nothing to fix the problem. There forwards have injury and consistency problems. There goalie gives the coach heartburn every time he’s forced to make a save. They’re only saving grace is there defense. They just need to find a way to score.
7) San Jose Earthquakes – Let’s get this out of the way and say they won’t do much competing this year. Fans should watch Toronto matches from last year to get a vivid picture of how things will play out.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
MLS Eastern Conference Preview
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I love soccer. I fell in love as a little boy in Disney, where I watched the US beat Columbia in the 94 World Cup. I didn’t quite understand everything, but I knew I was witnessing history. It wasn’t just me, but America embraced this team of plucky upstarts who thrust themselves on the world stage. With that, Major League Soccer (MLS) was born. The started in 1996, bringing a legitimate First Division the US soil. Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly embraced like the 94 World Cup team. The MLS has struggled, going through expansion, contraction, and expansion yet again. It has the perception of being a league of young American players who need seasoning, coupled with international players at the tail end of their career (to be honest, I thought this a lot). However, the league has come a long way since then, being able to keep home-grown talent like Landon Donovan and Taylor Twellman (though Twellman was almost transferred to England in the offseason) and getting young talent from abroad. We’re not talking kids from England or Germany here, but there is a plethora of talent coming from the U-20 teams in South America and Africa. The league has taken hold, with its small but loyal fan base and soccer specific stadiums popping up all over the place. So I, as your humble correspondent, want to help introduce you to the MLS. I’ll preview the Eastern Conference today and the Western Conference tomorrow. The teams are listed in the order which I feel they will finish.
1) DC United – They were the best team in the MLS last year, but had issues with their defense. This problem should have corrected itself with some key acquisitions. However, the new defense and goalie will need to mesh. They have added depth to the forward position, which was the main thing that torpedoed them last year. I think it all hinges on the health of Ben Olsen (one of the charter members of the “John O’Brien All-Stars” for players who never realized their full potential due to constant injuries). Olsen is the lynch pin for this team when it comes to his contributions on defense and his ability to attack when needed.
2) New England Revolution – I had a tough time between them and New York, but I decided to go with the Revs because I’m a homer. They have to overcome the huge loss of Pat Noonan up front. They do have depth at forward and will find someone who can pair with Twellman, but they won’t click like he did with Noonan. Superliga and the Champions League will be a good test for all the young talent they have. It all rests on Twellman, who along with losing Noonan, also got divorced and his transfer to England got scuttled. If he kicks it into gear, they can do something, and maybe even lose the title “The Buffalo Bills of MLS”.
3) New York Redbull – This is a team that was close to self-destructing last year, which shows you just how important someone like Claudio Reyna can be, even if it doesn’t show up on the stat sheet. The Redbulls really didn’t make any quality moves in the offseason (minus Echeverry) and still have holes to fill. They also need to ensure that the defense isn’t as up and down as it was last year (more down near the end of the year). It all comes down to Reyna, who needs to stay healthy and be used properly (unlike last year). Don’t be surprised if they self-destruct or fly to the top.
4) Chicago Fire – This is one of those teams you really can’t say much about. They are a middle of the road team, just good enough to get you to start dreaming of an MLS Cup, just bad enough to dash those dreams. Last year was a perfect example. They finished 10-10-10, but got to the Conference Finals, before being ousted by the amazing bicycle kick by Taylor Twellman. There season rests with Cuauhtemoc Blanco. If he kicks it to another level, they can raise up. I see them finishing right in the middle again.
5) Kansas City Wizards – You have to love KC’s all or nothing approach to the game. They just want to win. I guess to them a tie is like frenching your sister. Anyway, the major loss is Eddie Johnson, who when to Fulham this year (Fulham might as well be an MLS team with the amount of American’s on it). It was just a matter of time. They hope that Claudio Lopez will help fill the gap that Johnson left. They have a solid back-line and one of the better goalies in the game. This team has an issue with consistency, as they tend to get into losing streaks. They will need to avoid this if they want to be successful.
6) Columbus Crew – I just don’t know about this team. They came on strong at the end of the year, but still finished in second to last place in the East. There main problem is injuries and inconsistent play. Basically, they are a team looking to prove themselves. The question seems to be the same everywhere. It is “Can this person step up and play to their potential” whether it be Eddie Gavin, or Brian Carroll or Robbie Rogers. I just have no faith in this team until they prove something.
7) Toronto FC – Last years expansion team was just woeful last year, but they sold out every home game. There defense was horrid, so they used the MLS Superdraft to draft some defensive talent. There problems in goal should have worked themselves out, as long as Greg Sutton can keep himself from being knocked out. The only semi-competent player in midfield left and hasn’t been replaced, leaving the midfield low on depth. The main debate last year was what was worse, the offense or the defense. The main bright spot is they have a new coach. I think it’s safe to say they will be in the basement again this year.
1) DC United – They were the best team in the MLS last year, but had issues with their defense. This problem should have corrected itself with some key acquisitions. However, the new defense and goalie will need to mesh. They have added depth to the forward position, which was the main thing that torpedoed them last year. I think it all hinges on the health of Ben Olsen (one of the charter members of the “John O’Brien All-Stars” for players who never realized their full potential due to constant injuries). Olsen is the lynch pin for this team when it comes to his contributions on defense and his ability to attack when needed.
2) New England Revolution – I had a tough time between them and New York, but I decided to go with the Revs because I’m a homer. They have to overcome the huge loss of Pat Noonan up front. They do have depth at forward and will find someone who can pair with Twellman, but they won’t click like he did with Noonan. Superliga and the Champions League will be a good test for all the young talent they have. It all rests on Twellman, who along with losing Noonan, also got divorced and his transfer to England got scuttled. If he kicks it into gear, they can do something, and maybe even lose the title “The Buffalo Bills of MLS”.
3) New York Redbull – This is a team that was close to self-destructing last year, which shows you just how important someone like Claudio Reyna can be, even if it doesn’t show up on the stat sheet. The Redbulls really didn’t make any quality moves in the offseason (minus Echeverry) and still have holes to fill. They also need to ensure that the defense isn’t as up and down as it was last year (more down near the end of the year). It all comes down to Reyna, who needs to stay healthy and be used properly (unlike last year). Don’t be surprised if they self-destruct or fly to the top.
4) Chicago Fire – This is one of those teams you really can’t say much about. They are a middle of the road team, just good enough to get you to start dreaming of an MLS Cup, just bad enough to dash those dreams. Last year was a perfect example. They finished 10-10-10, but got to the Conference Finals, before being ousted by the amazing bicycle kick by Taylor Twellman. There season rests with Cuauhtemoc Blanco. If he kicks it to another level, they can raise up. I see them finishing right in the middle again.
5) Kansas City Wizards – You have to love KC’s all or nothing approach to the game. They just want to win. I guess to them a tie is like frenching your sister. Anyway, the major loss is Eddie Johnson, who when to Fulham this year (Fulham might as well be an MLS team with the amount of American’s on it). It was just a matter of time. They hope that Claudio Lopez will help fill the gap that Johnson left. They have a solid back-line and one of the better goalies in the game. This team has an issue with consistency, as they tend to get into losing streaks. They will need to avoid this if they want to be successful.
6) Columbus Crew – I just don’t know about this team. They came on strong at the end of the year, but still finished in second to last place in the East. There main problem is injuries and inconsistent play. Basically, they are a team looking to prove themselves. The question seems to be the same everywhere. It is “Can this person step up and play to their potential” whether it be Eddie Gavin, or Brian Carroll or Robbie Rogers. I just have no faith in this team until they prove something.
7) Toronto FC – Last years expansion team was just woeful last year, but they sold out every home game. There defense was horrid, so they used the MLS Superdraft to draft some defensive talent. There problems in goal should have worked themselves out, as long as Greg Sutton can keep himself from being knocked out. The only semi-competent player in midfield left and hasn’t been replaced, leaving the midfield low on depth. The main debate last year was what was worse, the offense or the defense. The main bright spot is they have a new coach. I think it’s safe to say they will be in the basement again this year.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Baseball and 7 Year Old Comedies
A couple of points and then I’ll be off to make a living. The baseball season started the other day with the defending World Series champions playing Oakland. I always enjoy the opening day of our nation’s pastime. Too bad the opening day of our nation’s pastime wasn’t being played in our nation (before some smart-ass mentions it, Canada might as well change their name to US-light). Opening day this year was played in Japan. Not only was it played in a place that doesn’t have a MLB team, but because of the time difference, the games were played at 6 AM (Boston Time). So, in order to watch the games, I would have to get up early and miss work. The Red Sox really love their fans. This would piss me off because it means two less chances of getting Sox tickets but the Sox could play all 162 games at Fenway and I wouldn’t be able to get tickets. You have to be some corporate bigwig, know somebody, buy from a scalper, be a member of the incredibly lame “Red Sox Nation”, or make a deal with Satan to get tickets. Last year, I had to go to Toronto just to see a game. How about this? Tear down that dump of a stadium and build something with at least 50,000 seats so I can sit in an uncomfortable seat and take out a small loan for a few hotdogs and watered down beers.
I finally watched “Knocked Up” this weekend and can finally make the judgment call. “Knocked Up” is funnier than “Superbad”. It actually took me a couple of days to find “Superbad” funny, just because of all the hype. I really wanted to laugh, but I just didn’t. “Knocked Up” made me laugh out loud. It also proved that Jonah Hill has the Will Ferrell disease. He’s perfect in small doses as a supporting character, but he can’t carry a movie. I think my main problem with “Superbad” was that I find Jonah Hill annoying after 5 minutes and I can’t stand Michael Cena. I just want to bust the kid in the face. His whole unassuming, awkward thing just pisses me off. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of me when I was younger. Whatever. Anyway, Seth Rogen can both carry a movie and work very well as a supporting character (the whole McLovin side story with him was pure gold and carried that movie). Well, in order to proclaim if Judd Apatow was comic genius or flash in the pan, I needed one more piece of evidence. So, this morning I started watching “Undeclared” on my ride into work. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the many hatchet jobs of FOX, “Undeclared” was a teen comedy about starting out at college. Of course, Seth Rogen was in it. Pure hilarity. I laughed out loud a few times, causing my fellow commuters to glance at me (and this time, it wasn’t because I’m completely sexy). So, Judd Apatow is now a comedic genius. Of course, I’m making this judgment on my viewing of a 7 year old canceled comedy show.
Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow with a little MLS preview. Totally sweet ninjas!
I finally watched “Knocked Up” this weekend and can finally make the judgment call. “Knocked Up” is funnier than “Superbad”. It actually took me a couple of days to find “Superbad” funny, just because of all the hype. I really wanted to laugh, but I just didn’t. “Knocked Up” made me laugh out loud. It also proved that Jonah Hill has the Will Ferrell disease. He’s perfect in small doses as a supporting character, but he can’t carry a movie. I think my main problem with “Superbad” was that I find Jonah Hill annoying after 5 minutes and I can’t stand Michael Cena. I just want to bust the kid in the face. His whole unassuming, awkward thing just pisses me off. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of me when I was younger. Whatever. Anyway, Seth Rogen can both carry a movie and work very well as a supporting character (the whole McLovin side story with him was pure gold and carried that movie). Well, in order to proclaim if Judd Apatow was comic genius or flash in the pan, I needed one more piece of evidence. So, this morning I started watching “Undeclared” on my ride into work. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the many hatchet jobs of FOX, “Undeclared” was a teen comedy about starting out at college. Of course, Seth Rogen was in it. Pure hilarity. I laughed out loud a few times, causing my fellow commuters to glance at me (and this time, it wasn’t because I’m completely sexy). So, Judd Apatow is now a comedic genius. Of course, I’m making this judgment on my viewing of a 7 year old canceled comedy show.
Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow with a little MLS preview. Totally sweet ninjas!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thinking Like A Chick
It’s that time of year again when seemingly normal people turn into gamblers. The NCAA tournament is upon us and that means its time for your office pool. Even the Duchess, who is against gambling, is throwing down $10 and pouring over the brackets. As for me, the simple formula explains it all: semi-reformed degenerate gambler + office pool = good times. However, the reason I am slightly reformed is that I have a nasty habit of losing. I’ve never finished in the money of my office pool for the tourney. So, I decided to get a little crazy and change it up a little bit.
Women are crazy. There is no argument about this one. I’ve have never met one sane woman. I don’t think they exist (by the by, the last few sentences will get me in trouble with the Duchess, so I hope you all appreciate this). However, craziness pays off sometimes, and one of those times is tournament time. Some chick in your office pool usually makes a run at the money, usually by picking teams on some combination of colors, mascot, and association with someone they know. They also have a method to their madness and they play it conservative at the right times. They aren’t going to have some 16 seed topple a 1 seed and they normally clear out the riff-raff by the time the Elite Eight rolls around. Ladies will clear out the 4 and 5 seeds early, so they don’t have to think about them, and it makes it easier to push the 1, 2, or 3 seeds into the Final Four. It’s controlled chaos and it seems to work. So, this year I decided to throw conscious thought out the window and form a bracket that no reasonable person would normally concoct (tourney play is never reasonable anyway, case in point would be George Mason in 2006).
Without going through my whole bracket, I have 6 double digit seeds making it into the second round (only one being a 10 seed), I have 7 seed Butler getting to the Sweet 16, and I have 3 seed Xavier getting to the Final Four. However, there is some conservative picks. The rest of the Final Four is Kansas (1), UNC (1), and Texas (2), with Kansas winning it all. Seven out of eight 1 and 2 seeds are making it to the Sweet 16 (minus Tennessee). I’ve only gotten screwed once so far, with Kentucky losing to Marquette. I realize now that there was conscious thought with that pick, not letting loose and thinking “well, I like the fact Marquette has a Q in its name”.
So, how’s it going to play out? Who knows? I do know I’m last right now in my office pool, so maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Of course, I have to stop thinking about it and hope that a bunch of kids 18-21 are going to win me some scratch and help prove my theory. Either that or smack me down like usual. With that said, let’s all root for Xavier to make it to the Final Four, which will give me some credibility. Not a lot, but some and that’s all I can really hope for.
Women are crazy. There is no argument about this one. I’ve have never met one sane woman. I don’t think they exist (by the by, the last few sentences will get me in trouble with the Duchess, so I hope you all appreciate this). However, craziness pays off sometimes, and one of those times is tournament time. Some chick in your office pool usually makes a run at the money, usually by picking teams on some combination of colors, mascot, and association with someone they know. They also have a method to their madness and they play it conservative at the right times. They aren’t going to have some 16 seed topple a 1 seed and they normally clear out the riff-raff by the time the Elite Eight rolls around. Ladies will clear out the 4 and 5 seeds early, so they don’t have to think about them, and it makes it easier to push the 1, 2, or 3 seeds into the Final Four. It’s controlled chaos and it seems to work. So, this year I decided to throw conscious thought out the window and form a bracket that no reasonable person would normally concoct (tourney play is never reasonable anyway, case in point would be George Mason in 2006).
Without going through my whole bracket, I have 6 double digit seeds making it into the second round (only one being a 10 seed), I have 7 seed Butler getting to the Sweet 16, and I have 3 seed Xavier getting to the Final Four. However, there is some conservative picks. The rest of the Final Four is Kansas (1), UNC (1), and Texas (2), with Kansas winning it all. Seven out of eight 1 and 2 seeds are making it to the Sweet 16 (minus Tennessee). I’ve only gotten screwed once so far, with Kentucky losing to Marquette. I realize now that there was conscious thought with that pick, not letting loose and thinking “well, I like the fact Marquette has a Q in its name”.
So, how’s it going to play out? Who knows? I do know I’m last right now in my office pool, so maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Of course, I have to stop thinking about it and hope that a bunch of kids 18-21 are going to win me some scratch and help prove my theory. Either that or smack me down like usual. With that said, let’s all root for Xavier to make it to the Final Four, which will give me some credibility. Not a lot, but some and that’s all I can really hope for.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Prostitutes, Jonathan Brandis, and Other Thoughts
Columns like this happen when you have a mix of no sports and writer’s block.
As any who doesn’t live under a rock knows, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer got himself caught up in a prostitution ring and ended up resigning. Nothing makes politics more interesting than a good, old fashioned sex scandal. There are so many reasons why. You have the fact that he paid over 4 grand to have this girl come to DC for the night, but yet cheaped out on her transportation costs, making her take a train that made a boatload of stops between the NYC and DC, instead of the express train. Plus, who pays over 4 grand for a prostitute? What does a girl do to get 4 grand? She would have to invent technique to be worth that much. The one major bright spot in all this? It makes the rest of us shiftless lay abouts look good by comparison. Your wife or girlfriend yells at you for not taking out the trash? Well, at least you’re not Spitzer and dropping 4 grand on a hooker and have it splashed all over the news for the next couple of days. Good times.
There was only one redeeming quality to the movie “The Neverending Story”. It was the fact that it ended.
Speaking of “The Neverending Story”, I heard a little while ago that Jonathan Brandis killed himself. Of course, this happened back in 2003, so I realized I never should have cancelled my “Jonathan Brandis Newsletter”. Anyway, not to promote suicide, but if you’re involved in “The Neverending Story II”, “Ladybugs”, and “Sidekicks”, you really need to kill yourself. There should be a law requiring it.
Speaking of shitty movies, have you seen ads for “Never Back Down”? This is basically a poor mans remake of “The Karate Kid”. You have the new kid who thinks he’s tough, the prick who is really tough, a mentor for the new kid, and some skirt causing trouble. My main problem with it (besides the fact it looks like it will cause my eyes to bleed if I watch it) is that the tough, evil kid doesn’t look like he has the cache to pull of the tour de force performance of an in-his-prime Billy Zabka did with Johnny Lawrence. I watch “The Karate Kid” now and I root for Johnny to kick the shit out of Daniel. I laugh when they run him off the road and when they get all dressed up in their skeleton outfits and beat the living crap out of him. The guy in this movie doesn’t look like he has any redeeming qualities. Of course, the movie doesn’t look like it has any redeeming qualities, but that’s beside the point.
God, I can’t wait until MLS starts, so I can start writing about sports again.
The most shocking thing about having the cell phone ring of a kid at work being the theme to “Knight Rider” wasn’t the fact that it was the theme to “Knight Rider”. It was the fact that we debated if the theme to “The Fall Guy” would have been cooler. If a reference to “The Fall Guy” isn’t a good way to end a column, I don’t know what is.
As any who doesn’t live under a rock knows, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer got himself caught up in a prostitution ring and ended up resigning. Nothing makes politics more interesting than a good, old fashioned sex scandal. There are so many reasons why. You have the fact that he paid over 4 grand to have this girl come to DC for the night, but yet cheaped out on her transportation costs, making her take a train that made a boatload of stops between the NYC and DC, instead of the express train. Plus, who pays over 4 grand for a prostitute? What does a girl do to get 4 grand? She would have to invent technique to be worth that much. The one major bright spot in all this? It makes the rest of us shiftless lay abouts look good by comparison. Your wife or girlfriend yells at you for not taking out the trash? Well, at least you’re not Spitzer and dropping 4 grand on a hooker and have it splashed all over the news for the next couple of days. Good times.
There was only one redeeming quality to the movie “The Neverending Story”. It was the fact that it ended.
Speaking of “The Neverending Story”, I heard a little while ago that Jonathan Brandis killed himself. Of course, this happened back in 2003, so I realized I never should have cancelled my “Jonathan Brandis Newsletter”. Anyway, not to promote suicide, but if you’re involved in “The Neverending Story II”, “Ladybugs”, and “Sidekicks”, you really need to kill yourself. There should be a law requiring it.
Speaking of shitty movies, have you seen ads for “Never Back Down”? This is basically a poor mans remake of “The Karate Kid”. You have the new kid who thinks he’s tough, the prick who is really tough, a mentor for the new kid, and some skirt causing trouble. My main problem with it (besides the fact it looks like it will cause my eyes to bleed if I watch it) is that the tough, evil kid doesn’t look like he has the cache to pull of the tour de force performance of an in-his-prime Billy Zabka did with Johnny Lawrence. I watch “The Karate Kid” now and I root for Johnny to kick the shit out of Daniel. I laugh when they run him off the road and when they get all dressed up in their skeleton outfits and beat the living crap out of him. The guy in this movie doesn’t look like he has any redeeming qualities. Of course, the movie doesn’t look like it has any redeeming qualities, but that’s beside the point.
God, I can’t wait until MLS starts, so I can start writing about sports again.
The most shocking thing about having the cell phone ring of a kid at work being the theme to “Knight Rider” wasn’t the fact that it was the theme to “Knight Rider”. It was the fact that we debated if the theme to “The Fall Guy” would have been cooler. If a reference to “The Fall Guy” isn’t a good way to end a column, I don’t know what is.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Bimbos, Boston Cabbies, and Other Thoughts
It was just the other day when I was saying how FOX was going to douche “New Amsterdam” and it looks like my mildly annoying ranting may actually be unfolding. As you know, I lead a busy life of sitting around and doing nothing, so I DVR most of my stuff for later viewing. Well, if I hadn’t been reading the Metro on my train ride home yesterday, I never would have known that a new episode of “New Amsterdam” was on Thursday night. I set up the series recording for it, and found another new episode on Monday night. So, that makes the pilot, second, and third episodes on Tuesday, Thursday, and Monday night. Way to keep a stable schedule.
Now, I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about politics, but I’m making a slight exception here, but will say that I am not endorsing any candidate, but making a random observation. In the Democratic debate last week, Clinton railed against the media’s causal approach to Obama, referencing a SNL skit about needing a pillow. Now, I like politics and I like pop culture, but I don’t like them to mix. Unlike chocolate and peanut butter, these are two great tastes that don’t taste great together. I want my political candidates to be coming up with economic policies and ways to defeat terrorism, not watching sketch comedy shows looking for talking points.
The NCAA tournament is fast approaching and you know what that means, billions of dollars in illegal betting pools at work places all across the nation. I, of course being a semi-reformed degenerate gambler, will be taking part. Now, I have watched zero college basketball, as I find the sport boring as all hell. However, this will not keep me from needlessly throwing my money away in the chances of striking it big (which won’t happen as I am the most unlucky person alive when it comes to winning money). I, of course, will also get upset when the office bimbo strikes it big because she picked all winners based on team mascots and colors. But do I have a reason to get upset. I mean, I know exactly as much as her, so I really don’t have a leg to stand on here. That doesn’t mean I won’t get upset, I’m just saying if I was rational, I wouldn’t.
As stated many times before, I am a huge fan of “Torchwood” and really loved last weeks episode, and not only because Martha Jones popped by. However, I’m a little scared. Based on all the crap sci-fi shows I’ve seen in the past, I have an aching suspicion that the writers may cop out on the surprise ending. I also have the same feeling when it comes to Dean’s predicament in “Supernatural”. Let it be known that I do not read spoilers, so I am unsure on both accounts. I just hope the writers have enough balls to stick to there guns. If they do reverse course, you have to give me something logical. For something good, refer to Buffy’s resurrection at the beginning of season 6. For something bad, refer to any death in “Smallville”.
It would be nice of me to add that Daylight Savings Time kicks in this weekend, so set your clocks ahead one hour. Normally, you would think that a lazy bastard such as me would bemoan the loss of an hours sleep. Not so. For one, I’ll be sleeping the same amount of time anyway, so I could care less. For two, I actually like walking to my train when the sun is shining, as it probably reduces the chances of getting gunned down by a driver in Boston. Chances of getting run over by a Boston cabbie remain the same, and the chances are always high.
Now, I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about politics, but I’m making a slight exception here, but will say that I am not endorsing any candidate, but making a random observation. In the Democratic debate last week, Clinton railed against the media’s causal approach to Obama, referencing a SNL skit about needing a pillow. Now, I like politics and I like pop culture, but I don’t like them to mix. Unlike chocolate and peanut butter, these are two great tastes that don’t taste great together. I want my political candidates to be coming up with economic policies and ways to defeat terrorism, not watching sketch comedy shows looking for talking points.
The NCAA tournament is fast approaching and you know what that means, billions of dollars in illegal betting pools at work places all across the nation. I, of course being a semi-reformed degenerate gambler, will be taking part. Now, I have watched zero college basketball, as I find the sport boring as all hell. However, this will not keep me from needlessly throwing my money away in the chances of striking it big (which won’t happen as I am the most unlucky person alive when it comes to winning money). I, of course, will also get upset when the office bimbo strikes it big because she picked all winners based on team mascots and colors. But do I have a reason to get upset. I mean, I know exactly as much as her, so I really don’t have a leg to stand on here. That doesn’t mean I won’t get upset, I’m just saying if I was rational, I wouldn’t.
As stated many times before, I am a huge fan of “Torchwood” and really loved last weeks episode, and not only because Martha Jones popped by. However, I’m a little scared. Based on all the crap sci-fi shows I’ve seen in the past, I have an aching suspicion that the writers may cop out on the surprise ending. I also have the same feeling when it comes to Dean’s predicament in “Supernatural”. Let it be known that I do not read spoilers, so I am unsure on both accounts. I just hope the writers have enough balls to stick to there guns. If they do reverse course, you have to give me something logical. For something good, refer to Buffy’s resurrection at the beginning of season 6. For something bad, refer to any death in “Smallville”.
It would be nice of me to add that Daylight Savings Time kicks in this weekend, so set your clocks ahead one hour. Normally, you would think that a lazy bastard such as me would bemoan the loss of an hours sleep. Not so. For one, I’ll be sleeping the same amount of time anyway, so I could care less. For two, I actually like walking to my train when the sun is shining, as it probably reduces the chances of getting gunned down by a driver in Boston. Chances of getting run over by a Boston cabbie remain the same, and the chances are always high.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Why FOX Sucks - Part I
If I haven’t made it perfectly clear in the past or with the title, I hate FOX (the network, not the news). FOX is in a weird position. They think of themselves as a real network, yet are not seen as one. When some young, hotshot writer comes up with some cool idea (like an outer space western, let’s say), they inevitably bring it to FOX, knowing it’s a waste to go to the big three, but want a step up from cable and the CW. FOX feels all edgy and cool and gets good press from it, and then does everything in there power to utterly destroy the show (running episodes out of order, changing time slots, putting it in crappy time slots) before cancelling it after 3 lackluster performances, never to be seen again until summer or the DVD release. Yet, we keep coming back like an abused wife, thinking it will be better this time (better duck and find the concealer after the third episode of “New Amsterdam”). That being said, I’m going to make this a running column every time I feel a show got slighted by FOX or think about one in the past that got the douche. This week we look at the long departed “Keen Eddie”.
Not thinking I watch nearly enough TV, the Duchess bought me a portable DVD player for Christmas. This way, I get to watch TV and movies on the train rides into and out of work. I have a rack full of DVD’s I haven’t found time to watch, so it seems like a win-win. However, the drawback is that I will remember shows that got “FOX-ed” and spawn bitchy columns like this. That being said, after watching the first season of “Remington Steele”, I decided to grab the 2003 cop show “Keen Eddie”. Basically, a NYC cop gets transferred to Scotland Yard in London after a drug bust gone bad in NYC leads him to London. After he brings down the drug ring, all is well with the world and he is invited to stay on at Scotland Yard, because he gets results. But it is so much more than that. Eddie Arlette (the NYC cop) is your typical fun loving detective, thoroughly American, right down to his catch phrase (“I’m Eddie. How’d you like me so far?”). Putting him in the completely fish out of water scenario of England is great. The supporting cast around him is exceptional. First, you have Fiona, his flat-mate with whom he shares a love-hate relationship with just the right amount of sexual tension (played by the then 21 year old Sienna Miller, when she didn’t look like a strung-out crack whore). His partner at Scotland Yard is Inspector Monty Pippen, the sex-a-holic who has great comic timing. Also at work are his boss Nathaniel Johnson, who is using Eddie to grab headlines and help him move up the latter, and Nathaniel’s secretary, Carol Ross (nicknamed Ms. Moneypenny by Eddie), who is part of one of the best running gags of the show, as only Eddie seems to hear her sexual innuendos when asked typical questions. You also have the semi-recurring characters like Rudy, who is an out of work actor and willing informant, and brothers-in-law One Ball Bill and Johnny Red, who run the best American/Scottish ex-pat bar in London (aptly named “The Sticky Wicket Inn”).
With camera work the mirrors “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels”, the show is just plain fun to watch. Plus, it’s not just the cop stuff that makes it fun. Anything involving Eddie’s dog Pete is classic (be it chewing the TV remote or using Fiona’s cat as a “shag-toy”.) and the back and forth between Eddie and Fiona is just plain fun. Of course, the cop stuff is the beat. My favorite episode had to be when guys in Duran Duran masks knock over a casino and steal soccer tickets from the casino owner’s son, who is just out of prison. He then proceeds to track down the robbers and kick them in the nuts when they don’t tell him where the tickets are (causing each robber to lose a ball due to the kick). Intersperse it with some music clips of Duran Duran (I can’t quite forgive them for not using “A View To A Kill”) and it made for good fun. So, what happened? Well, for one, FOX put it on during the summer, and let the American Idol spin-off “American Kids” lead it in. Then, they proceeded to show the episodes out of order. The coup de grace was when they moved the time slot, then cancelled it after one showing in the slot. Thankfully, the show would pop up on Bravo, DVD, and most recently Sleuth.
So, this was just one of the many shows that FOX decided it douche. Do I like it? No. Is there anything I can do about it? Well, aside from becoming Programming Director at FOX, not really. So, I guess that every time FOX premieres something that isn’t “House” or “Bones”, I should actually think about whether I should watch it or not. Who am I kidding? If it sounds good, I’ll check it out, if only to give me more fodder for my blog.
Not thinking I watch nearly enough TV, the Duchess bought me a portable DVD player for Christmas. This way, I get to watch TV and movies on the train rides into and out of work. I have a rack full of DVD’s I haven’t found time to watch, so it seems like a win-win. However, the drawback is that I will remember shows that got “FOX-ed” and spawn bitchy columns like this. That being said, after watching the first season of “Remington Steele”, I decided to grab the 2003 cop show “Keen Eddie”. Basically, a NYC cop gets transferred to Scotland Yard in London after a drug bust gone bad in NYC leads him to London. After he brings down the drug ring, all is well with the world and he is invited to stay on at Scotland Yard, because he gets results. But it is so much more than that. Eddie Arlette (the NYC cop) is your typical fun loving detective, thoroughly American, right down to his catch phrase (“I’m Eddie. How’d you like me so far?”). Putting him in the completely fish out of water scenario of England is great. The supporting cast around him is exceptional. First, you have Fiona, his flat-mate with whom he shares a love-hate relationship with just the right amount of sexual tension (played by the then 21 year old Sienna Miller, when she didn’t look like a strung-out crack whore). His partner at Scotland Yard is Inspector Monty Pippen, the sex-a-holic who has great comic timing. Also at work are his boss Nathaniel Johnson, who is using Eddie to grab headlines and help him move up the latter, and Nathaniel’s secretary, Carol Ross (nicknamed Ms. Moneypenny by Eddie), who is part of one of the best running gags of the show, as only Eddie seems to hear her sexual innuendos when asked typical questions. You also have the semi-recurring characters like Rudy, who is an out of work actor and willing informant, and brothers-in-law One Ball Bill and Johnny Red, who run the best American/Scottish ex-pat bar in London (aptly named “The Sticky Wicket Inn”).
With camera work the mirrors “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels”, the show is just plain fun to watch. Plus, it’s not just the cop stuff that makes it fun. Anything involving Eddie’s dog Pete is classic (be it chewing the TV remote or using Fiona’s cat as a “shag-toy”.) and the back and forth between Eddie and Fiona is just plain fun. Of course, the cop stuff is the beat. My favorite episode had to be when guys in Duran Duran masks knock over a casino and steal soccer tickets from the casino owner’s son, who is just out of prison. He then proceeds to track down the robbers and kick them in the nuts when they don’t tell him where the tickets are (causing each robber to lose a ball due to the kick). Intersperse it with some music clips of Duran Duran (I can’t quite forgive them for not using “A View To A Kill”) and it made for good fun. So, what happened? Well, for one, FOX put it on during the summer, and let the American Idol spin-off “American Kids” lead it in. Then, they proceeded to show the episodes out of order. The coup de grace was when they moved the time slot, then cancelled it after one showing in the slot. Thankfully, the show would pop up on Bravo, DVD, and most recently Sleuth.
So, this was just one of the many shows that FOX decided it douche. Do I like it? No. Is there anything I can do about it? Well, aside from becoming Programming Director at FOX, not really. So, I guess that every time FOX premieres something that isn’t “House” or “Bones”, I should actually think about whether I should watch it or not. Who am I kidding? If it sounds good, I’ll check it out, if only to give me more fodder for my blog.
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