I was watching Star Wars the other day and, you know, the Sith got a raw deal. Basically, you have a bunch of force users who don’t want to be subjugated by the Jedi, so they sit out there on there own, just trying to get their piece of the Republic dream. You know, land, house, family. The Jedi are like “I don’t think so” and start this mad war with them, finally driving them out of existence. Or so they thought.
From master to apprentice, they pass along the information they learned. So, the Emperor decides to plot his own scheme for revenge. And who could blame him? So, he goes about ridding the galaxy of these meddlesome people, who think they are oh so special. Then, the last two Jedi use the son of one of the Sith Lords to go out and destroy them. Not only that, but wants him to once again start a new Jedi order, to prop us there own failed dreams and using the Sith as scapegoats for all the ills of the galaxy. It makes me sick.
Speaking of things that make me sick, I’m looking at you Matt Damon. He basically called everyone apathetic because we don’t care enough about the poor people of Haiti. There is a difference between apathetic and self-involved you ass clown! Now, I’m not talking about self-involved like “does my hair look okay”, I’m talking self-involved like “gee, I hope I don’t get laid off today.”
I’ll make a deal with you, you self-absorbed waste of space, I’ll start caring about the poor people of Haiti on two conditions. One, the economy turns around and I only have to worry about losing my job due to gross incompetence. Two, you apologize for Ben Affleck, those horrible Jason Bourne movies, dissing James Bond, and campaigning for Obama (celebrities should keep their gobs shut about politics). Until that happens, keep your opinions about my apathy to yourself, you no talent douche bag.
Speaking of no talent douche bags, I was watching latest Supernatural the other day and it was entitled “Criss Angel is a Douche Bag”. While I’m not about to defend Criss Angel on his douche bagginess, the episode guest starred Barry Bostwick. Barry is in my top 5 favorite current guest stars. Who are the other 4? Number 1 is definitely Michelle Forbes. Seamus and I think she is making an attempt to guest star in every show on TV today. I’ll believe it if I see her doing a guest shot on Hannah Montana. Her defining role is obviously Admiral Cain in Battlestar Galactica. You left us too soon Admiral.
Numbers 2 through 4 in no particular order are Gary Cole, John Heard, and Peter Wingfield. Cole would be a permanent holder of number 2 if he kept the cheesy mustache he was sporting in the episode of Chuck he showed up in. Too bad he couldn’t save the last season of Entourage.
John Heard was classic as Commander Garner in Battlestar Galactica, as the commander of the Pegasus. He was so incompetent, it was great. But he did the smart thing by making Lee commander and took the pipe while fixing the ship. It also pretty much cemented the fact that the Commander of the Pegasus job was more cursed than the Defense Against the Dark Arts teaching job at Hogwarts.
As for Peter Wingfield, well, my basic thought is that it isn’t a sci-fi show until Wingfield shows up. He’s been in everything, and most of the time it’s as some evil douche. I was actually shocked when he turned out to be a good guy in the season finale of Sanctuary. I kept waiting for him to turn on the gang. I was sitting there saying “this guy is shifty, watch him”, like the characters on TV could actually hear me.
If you want all time best guest stars list, it goes to the aforementioned Michelle Forbes, the late, great Don S. Davis, and Dirk Benedict. A bonus for viewers is when Benedict is playing a gigolo or sleaze merchant. He’s just perfect in that role. Well, that or killing Cylons in the original Battlestar Galactica.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
State Street Bank and the Commuter Rail
Just because I want to obliterate any chance of me going all Ray Pruit on the Duchess, I’m going to use this blog as I have never used it before. I’m going to bitch about two things that piss me off. If you have ever lived in Massachusetts, you’ll sympathize with me. If you ever think about moving to Massachusetts, read and be warned.
1) State Street Bank and Trust
Many of you have heard me refer to my past employer as a heartless, soul-sucking company. Well, that company was State Street Bank and Trust (SSB for the rest of the column). I thank God a little more each day that I no longer work there. Due to the current economic crisis, SSB took a hit. As people I care for still work there, I can’t be too happy about their problems. But here is some info you need to know for my rant to make sense.
SSB recently received $2 Billion (with a B) from the federal government as part of that pseudo-socialist “bailout” package. They also announced that they would be laying off about 1300 people. That goes along with the announcement that there would be no raises or bonuses this year. Good times.
For those of you who don’t know, the CEO of SSB (I believe he is one of the Devil’s minions, but I can’t be sure) is the second highest paid CEO in the state of Massachusetts. In the past, he has gotten those extravagant bonuses while the peons (like myself at one point) got the shaft. However, with the announcement of no bonuses and with the federal government watching closely, he, too, was going to get boned.
So the question became “what to do”? You can’t piss off the Devil’s minion. How do you give your CEO a disgusting bonus, without the federal government jumping all over them, and completely screwing over your workers (which I believe is in the mission statement of the company)? Then, as if a light went off in some loathsome, heartless pencil pusher, the answer appeared. A dividend.
See, along with all the cash they throw at the Devil’s minion, they also throw stock at him. They basically backdoored their way into giving him a bonus by throwing dividend money at him. Now, I realize that dividends should be paid, but to do so with federal money (your tax dollars at work), while laying off employees and screwing the one’s you kept is horrible. Welcome to life at one of Massachusetts’s biggest employers.
2) The Commuter Rail
The easiest way to get to work by many who live outside of Boston and don’t feel like becoming a statist in road rage numbers is by taking the ever delightful commuter rail. For those of you who have never taken this mode of transportation, I would rank it as a few steps above an Indian Railway. Basically, it’s overpriced, cramped, dilapidated, and erratic. Each morning, it’s a gamble as to whether it will show up on time (or at all) and in what condition (say what you want about fascist dictators, at least they made the trains run on time).
The best is that you can reasonably predict what’s going to happen. On hot days, you know the air conditioner will not work. On cold days, you know the train will be late and the heat won’t work (or, conversely, that it will be jacked to 150 degrees). On rainy or snowy days, you know it will be late. Along with these, you get the times the power goes out completely and you’re sitting in complete darkness. Of course, there was the time this summer when the ass-face conductors where making trains deliberately late to get the administration of the MBTA to the bargaining table.
Plus, let’s talk about the seating. For one thing, they almost never provide the correct number of cars to reasonably fit all the people. Along with that, the seats are all meant for people who are 100 pounds and are no taller than 5’3”. This means you are crammed into a seat with the other helpless dregs. This brings me to the helpless dregs.
I seriously did not know that there were this many mouth-breathers in this state (but seeing who our political representation is, it all seems to make sense). You get the people who want to talk to you. You get the people who talk way too loud on their cell phones about the most personal stuff. You get the just plain surly. You get the people who are just plain annoying. I feel sorry for all the females out there. But the Duchess feels your pain. When she takes the train, some fat slob will always sit next to her, cramming her in her seat. Of course, there are other seats around that will fit his huge ass, but then he wouldn’t get to sit next to a pretty girl who isn’t from one of his comic books. See, with a real girl, you might be able to talk them into going with you to your mother’s basement.
And the MBTA keeps raising my rates of this! It’s not like they provide me with anything they didn’t before. Just run it on time, I’ll be happy then. But they won’t. They’ll just keep jacking the price and providing me with shitty service. Isn’t there some sort of law against monopolies in this country? Instead of fighting Microsoft, go after this organization. Microsoft isn’t hurting anyone, the commuter rail is. It’s making it look like I don’t want to get into work on time. I mean, I don’t want to, but if I’m late, I want to be in bed, not stuck on some shitty train.
1) State Street Bank and Trust
Many of you have heard me refer to my past employer as a heartless, soul-sucking company. Well, that company was State Street Bank and Trust (SSB for the rest of the column). I thank God a little more each day that I no longer work there. Due to the current economic crisis, SSB took a hit. As people I care for still work there, I can’t be too happy about their problems. But here is some info you need to know for my rant to make sense.
SSB recently received $2 Billion (with a B) from the federal government as part of that pseudo-socialist “bailout” package. They also announced that they would be laying off about 1300 people. That goes along with the announcement that there would be no raises or bonuses this year. Good times.
For those of you who don’t know, the CEO of SSB (I believe he is one of the Devil’s minions, but I can’t be sure) is the second highest paid CEO in the state of Massachusetts. In the past, he has gotten those extravagant bonuses while the peons (like myself at one point) got the shaft. However, with the announcement of no bonuses and with the federal government watching closely, he, too, was going to get boned.
So the question became “what to do”? You can’t piss off the Devil’s minion. How do you give your CEO a disgusting bonus, without the federal government jumping all over them, and completely screwing over your workers (which I believe is in the mission statement of the company)? Then, as if a light went off in some loathsome, heartless pencil pusher, the answer appeared. A dividend.
See, along with all the cash they throw at the Devil’s minion, they also throw stock at him. They basically backdoored their way into giving him a bonus by throwing dividend money at him. Now, I realize that dividends should be paid, but to do so with federal money (your tax dollars at work), while laying off employees and screwing the one’s you kept is horrible. Welcome to life at one of Massachusetts’s biggest employers.
2) The Commuter Rail
The easiest way to get to work by many who live outside of Boston and don’t feel like becoming a statist in road rage numbers is by taking the ever delightful commuter rail. For those of you who have never taken this mode of transportation, I would rank it as a few steps above an Indian Railway. Basically, it’s overpriced, cramped, dilapidated, and erratic. Each morning, it’s a gamble as to whether it will show up on time (or at all) and in what condition (say what you want about fascist dictators, at least they made the trains run on time).
The best is that you can reasonably predict what’s going to happen. On hot days, you know the air conditioner will not work. On cold days, you know the train will be late and the heat won’t work (or, conversely, that it will be jacked to 150 degrees). On rainy or snowy days, you know it will be late. Along with these, you get the times the power goes out completely and you’re sitting in complete darkness. Of course, there was the time this summer when the ass-face conductors where making trains deliberately late to get the administration of the MBTA to the bargaining table.
Plus, let’s talk about the seating. For one thing, they almost never provide the correct number of cars to reasonably fit all the people. Along with that, the seats are all meant for people who are 100 pounds and are no taller than 5’3”. This means you are crammed into a seat with the other helpless dregs. This brings me to the helpless dregs.
I seriously did not know that there were this many mouth-breathers in this state (but seeing who our political representation is, it all seems to make sense). You get the people who want to talk to you. You get the people who talk way too loud on their cell phones about the most personal stuff. You get the just plain surly. You get the people who are just plain annoying. I feel sorry for all the females out there. But the Duchess feels your pain. When she takes the train, some fat slob will always sit next to her, cramming her in her seat. Of course, there are other seats around that will fit his huge ass, but then he wouldn’t get to sit next to a pretty girl who isn’t from one of his comic books. See, with a real girl, you might be able to talk them into going with you to your mother’s basement.
And the MBTA keeps raising my rates of this! It’s not like they provide me with anything they didn’t before. Just run it on time, I’ll be happy then. But they won’t. They’ll just keep jacking the price and providing me with shitty service. Isn’t there some sort of law against monopolies in this country? Instead of fighting Microsoft, go after this organization. Microsoft isn’t hurting anyone, the commuter rail is. It’s making it look like I don’t want to get into work on time. I mean, I don’t want to, but if I’m late, I want to be in bed, not stuck on some shitty train.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The New and Premiering of Winter 2009
As some of my faithful readers know (all two of you), during last year’s writer’s strike, I wrote an article about the 5 new or returning shows you needed to watch when they premiered in the winter of 2008. Well, I liked the idea so much that I’m going with it again. The good news this year is that I didn’t cop out and end with a tie at number 1. There is a clear delineation between numbers 1 and 2. Alright, let’s count them down.
5) Party Down (Starz, season 1 premiering in early 2009) & Cupid (ABC, season 1 premiering on 3/24)
Both shows get the number 5 spot because they both come from the creative genius that is Rob Thomas (not of Matchbox 20 fame, but of Veronica Mars fame).
Cupid is a reworking of his 1998 show in which a man lands in a mental institution because he believes he is Cupid, the God of Love. He is released by psychologist Claire Allen who takes responsibility for his behavior. Whacky hijinx ensue in the short-lived dramedy.
Part of me is skeptical about this, because one of the great things about the original was the casting of Jeremy Piven as Cupid and Paula Marshall as the doctor. However, another part of me remembers that it was also great because of the writing. Plus, Rob Thomas is reworking his own show and he wouldn’t shit on the bed on it.
Party Down is pretty straight forward. A group of struggling actors in LA work as caterers while trying to make it big. Basically, think Extras without the Britishness of it. Plus, it’s got a pretty slamming cast. I’m going to trust Thomas on this one and check it out. Or at least, hope to check it out online since I don’t get Starz.
4) Reaper (The CW, season 2 premiering on 3/17)
Probably my favorite escapist TV show from last year (including Chuck and Pysch) is being brought back as a mid-season replacement by the CW to fill in the gaps between Gossip Girl, 90210, Supernatural, and reruns of Gossip Girl. I’m particularly surprised they aren’t stashing this on Sunday night to kill it off.
For those of you who don’t know about the show, Sam is your average shiftless lay about 20-somethinger who works at the local Home Depot-esque superstore. On his 21st birthday, he learns that his parents sold his soul to the Devil. The Devil brings him on to be his demon bounty hunter, to collect souls of those who have escaped from Hell. With help from his friends Sock and Ben, he goes about doing this.
The last we saw our intrepid heroes, Sam was saved from being buried alive by the demon revolution but his father was left behind. The Devil gives Sam some time off to deal with his grief. We are left with Sam’s mother digging up his father and we hear him say “What took you so long?” and fade to black.
The show is great for a number of reasons. One, it’s just escapist fun. It makes me laugh and it doesn’t take itself too seriously. Two, it’s the cast, but mostly Sock and the Devil. The dude who plays Sock is a comedic genius and is almost always funny. The Devil is perfectly cast. Ray Wise is your go-to guy if you need the Devil, a mob boss, or a Vice President of the United States.
3) 24 (FOX, season 7 premiering on 1/11)
It’s been nearly two years since we’ve seen Jack Bauer rescuing the US from terrorist plots, Columbian drug lords, Nina Meyers, and/or his daughter’s acting. It’s been so long, I don’t even remember how Season 6 ended, except Audrey was in a coma or something and Secretary of State Heller booted Jack out. Then, at least according to the TV movie Redemption, Jack walked the earth like Jules from Pulp Fiction to deal with his demons.
Who isn’t excited about this show coming back? We’ve gone way to long without a day that involves bombs exploding, moles in government agencies, and no one sleeping, eating, or going to the bathroom for 24 hours. Jack’s not getting any younger, he needs a nap dammit. How funny would it be to hear the clock ticking and they cut to Jack curled up on a cot lightly snoring? I know I’d laugh.
2) Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi, second half of season 4 premiering on 1/16)
We’re finally getting to the final 10 episodes. I was beginning to wonder if Sci-Fi would ever show them. Like the show at number 1, when ever this show gives us an answer, we get 5 new questions with it. The answer we finally received at the finale in June was “Yes, they will find Earth”.
However, what they found on Earth just opens a whole new batch of question, three that jump right to the forefront. First, what the hell happened? It’s a barren wasteland, not their redemption or salvation. Two, what happened to the population of Earth? Three, what do they do now? These are the questions I hope to get answers for.
Also, its finally reveled to everyone who the Colonial 4 are. To say it was a shock to the crew is an understatement. However, we still don’t know who the Final Cylon is. Who could it be? Is it Roslin, Baltar, Starbuck, Adama, etc? We just don’t know. Plus, will we finally find out how Kara Thrice is the harbinger of death? This is just going to be a great final 10 episodes.
1) Lost (ABC, season 5 premiering on 1/21)
No doubt, the best cliffhanger of the season from last year. We finally find out how the Oceanic 6 became the only 6 survivors. We found out who was in the coffin. We find out, sort of, how Ben got off the island and ended up in Africa. But other than that, we are left dumbfounded.
The questions are just bottled up and I need answers. Is Jin still alive? What happened to the island? What happened to the people on the island? Do Desmond and Penny get a happy ending? How are the Oceanic 6, Ben, and the body of Locke going to get back to the island?
See, the problem is that I’m not going to get answers. Lost is great at being extremely cagey about information. If you get an answer, you get more questions. Plus, the answer is never exactly straight-forward. Despite this, it’s a great show (the best on TV) and the great thing is, you just have to sit back, buckle up, and get ready for one hell of a ride.
5) Party Down (Starz, season 1 premiering in early 2009) & Cupid (ABC, season 1 premiering on 3/24)
Both shows get the number 5 spot because they both come from the creative genius that is Rob Thomas (not of Matchbox 20 fame, but of Veronica Mars fame).
Cupid is a reworking of his 1998 show in which a man lands in a mental institution because he believes he is Cupid, the God of Love. He is released by psychologist Claire Allen who takes responsibility for his behavior. Whacky hijinx ensue in the short-lived dramedy.
Part of me is skeptical about this, because one of the great things about the original was the casting of Jeremy Piven as Cupid and Paula Marshall as the doctor. However, another part of me remembers that it was also great because of the writing. Plus, Rob Thomas is reworking his own show and he wouldn’t shit on the bed on it.
Party Down is pretty straight forward. A group of struggling actors in LA work as caterers while trying to make it big. Basically, think Extras without the Britishness of it. Plus, it’s got a pretty slamming cast. I’m going to trust Thomas on this one and check it out. Or at least, hope to check it out online since I don’t get Starz.
4) Reaper (The CW, season 2 premiering on 3/17)
Probably my favorite escapist TV show from last year (including Chuck and Pysch) is being brought back as a mid-season replacement by the CW to fill in the gaps between Gossip Girl, 90210, Supernatural, and reruns of Gossip Girl. I’m particularly surprised they aren’t stashing this on Sunday night to kill it off.
For those of you who don’t know about the show, Sam is your average shiftless lay about 20-somethinger who works at the local Home Depot-esque superstore. On his 21st birthday, he learns that his parents sold his soul to the Devil. The Devil brings him on to be his demon bounty hunter, to collect souls of those who have escaped from Hell. With help from his friends Sock and Ben, he goes about doing this.
The last we saw our intrepid heroes, Sam was saved from being buried alive by the demon revolution but his father was left behind. The Devil gives Sam some time off to deal with his grief. We are left with Sam’s mother digging up his father and we hear him say “What took you so long?” and fade to black.
The show is great for a number of reasons. One, it’s just escapist fun. It makes me laugh and it doesn’t take itself too seriously. Two, it’s the cast, but mostly Sock and the Devil. The dude who plays Sock is a comedic genius and is almost always funny. The Devil is perfectly cast. Ray Wise is your go-to guy if you need the Devil, a mob boss, or a Vice President of the United States.
3) 24 (FOX, season 7 premiering on 1/11)
It’s been nearly two years since we’ve seen Jack Bauer rescuing the US from terrorist plots, Columbian drug lords, Nina Meyers, and/or his daughter’s acting. It’s been so long, I don’t even remember how Season 6 ended, except Audrey was in a coma or something and Secretary of State Heller booted Jack out. Then, at least according to the TV movie Redemption, Jack walked the earth like Jules from Pulp Fiction to deal with his demons.
Who isn’t excited about this show coming back? We’ve gone way to long without a day that involves bombs exploding, moles in government agencies, and no one sleeping, eating, or going to the bathroom for 24 hours. Jack’s not getting any younger, he needs a nap dammit. How funny would it be to hear the clock ticking and they cut to Jack curled up on a cot lightly snoring? I know I’d laugh.
2) Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi, second half of season 4 premiering on 1/16)
We’re finally getting to the final 10 episodes. I was beginning to wonder if Sci-Fi would ever show them. Like the show at number 1, when ever this show gives us an answer, we get 5 new questions with it. The answer we finally received at the finale in June was “Yes, they will find Earth”.
However, what they found on Earth just opens a whole new batch of question, three that jump right to the forefront. First, what the hell happened? It’s a barren wasteland, not their redemption or salvation. Two, what happened to the population of Earth? Three, what do they do now? These are the questions I hope to get answers for.
Also, its finally reveled to everyone who the Colonial 4 are. To say it was a shock to the crew is an understatement. However, we still don’t know who the Final Cylon is. Who could it be? Is it Roslin, Baltar, Starbuck, Adama, etc? We just don’t know. Plus, will we finally find out how Kara Thrice is the harbinger of death? This is just going to be a great final 10 episodes.
1) Lost (ABC, season 5 premiering on 1/21)
No doubt, the best cliffhanger of the season from last year. We finally find out how the Oceanic 6 became the only 6 survivors. We found out who was in the coffin. We find out, sort of, how Ben got off the island and ended up in Africa. But other than that, we are left dumbfounded.
The questions are just bottled up and I need answers. Is Jin still alive? What happened to the island? What happened to the people on the island? Do Desmond and Penny get a happy ending? How are the Oceanic 6, Ben, and the body of Locke going to get back to the island?
See, the problem is that I’m not going to get answers. Lost is great at being extremely cagey about information. If you get an answer, you get more questions. Plus, the answer is never exactly straight-forward. Despite this, it’s a great show (the best on TV) and the great thing is, you just have to sit back, buckle up, and get ready for one hell of a ride.
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