You know, I was listing to my iPod on the train this morning and a song popped up. The song is number 1 on this list and inspired me to write this entry. You’ll realize why once you get to it.
Anyway, the only criteria for the songs is that they needed to be released (or else “Sleep” by Stabbing Westward would have been number 1, think “Janine’s Got a Gun” without the gun), it needs to have a song that would actually be played at a strip club if it wasn’t for the inappropriate lyrics, and it needs to have been released in the last 17 years (random number, but needed it to fit number 2 on the list). Anyway, here we go:
5) "Never Again"
Artist: Nickelback
Random lyric: “He’s drunk again, it’s time to fight. Same old shit just on a different night. She grabs the gun, she’s had enough.”
Rant: You have to think that even a coked out DJ at some sleazy strip club would have enough sense not to play a song about domestic abuse. Most of these girls probably came from a home like this. Do you really want “Destiny” to breakdown while working the pole?
4) "Break Stuff"
Artist: Limp Bizket
Random lyric: “I pack a chainsaw. I’ll skin your ass raw. And if my day keeps going this way, I just might break your fucking face tonight.”
Rant: Think about it, do you really want some stripper to hear this Ode to Ass Kicking playing when some guy is letting his hands wander where they shouldn’t be? Some drunken businessman might end up with a stiletto heel lodged in his chest. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but it’s just one more fluid that the poor janitor will have to clean up.
3) "Last Resort"
Artist: Papa Roach
Random lyric: “Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding. Would it be wrong, would it be right, if I took my life tonight. Chances are that I might. Mutilation outta sight. And I’m contemplating suicide.”
Rant: Seriously, you want this song playing in a place where half the girls are probably on the ledge? I would think this job has the highest rate of cutters, if it wasn’t for the fact that it would be hard to conceal. Most of these girls probably want to kill themselves because no little girl dreams of growing up to be a stripper (unless your last name is Kardashian).
2) "Sex Type Thing"
Artist: Stone Temple Pilots
Random lyric: “I said “I wanna get next to you.” I said “I gotta get close to you.” You wouldn’t want me, have to hurt you too, hurt you too.”
Rant: Here’s a story for you. I used to go see this cover band play because a friend of mine knew the members. After the first few songs, the crowd really wasn’t into it. Then, they played this song and the crowd started dancing, singing, and have a generally good time. I turned to my friend and said “Nothing like a song about date rape to get a crowd going.”
1) "Prison Sex"
Artist: Tool
Random Lyric: “Won’t you come a bit closer, close enough so I can smell you. I need you to feel this. I need this to make me whole. There’s release in this sodomy.”
Rant: Nothing like a song about child abuse and sodomy to get into the mood. This gets number 1 mainly for the fact that I have a story that this was actually played in a strip club. Here’s the story.
My roommate Steinmetz and I were in our room, both doing work with music on in the background. Anyway, this song comes on and he starts giggling. I ask him what’s so funny and the following conversation takes place:
Steinmetz: Oh, I was in a strip club this summer and I heard this song.
Me: Seriously?
Steinmetz: Yup. I thought it was completely inappropriate, but no one else seemed to notice.
Me: What were you doing in a strip club? That’s not your scene.
Steinmetz: Oh, one of my old high school friends told me that this uppity bitch we went to school with worked there. I went to see her. I brought my yearbook. I was going to get her to sign it.
Me: Did you?
Steinmetz: No, it was her night off.
Me: Did you ever go back?
Steinmetz: No, that place was a little sketchy.
After a second:
Steinmetz: Wanna go now?
Sometimes I miss college.
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7 comments:
I do understand what you're saying about these songs. ALOT of the songs that are played at strip clubs are completely innappropriate. But, I do have to disagree with you about some of the comments made in this post...
I am a stripper. I have been for a while now. I work for probably one of the cleanist, most legit clubs in my city. We are very well taken care of. Now, when I first started, I was so nervous b/c I thought all the girls were gonna be coked up whores who have HORRIBLE pasts and bad attitudes. Once I became a part of the stripper world though, I realized that they are just doing it for the same exact reasons I am: to take care of their kids and put themselves through school to make a better life for their kids. Hardly any of them have pasts that include ex's beating them or raping them. We do it b/c it is good money and quick money. To all of us it is just a job, not a lifestyle or a career. I'm sure there are girls who this post is true for, but not in my club.
I just wanted you to know that you shouldn't sterotype all of us in one category. It's a job, just like your normal 9-5. The only difference is we dance in T-bars and make 3x as much [in 2 nights] as the normal person does in a week. I'm very proud of what I do and give props to anyone who does the same. It's kind of hurtful when people ask what I do, I tell them, and I get looks like I'm a whore, have a drug problem, or some serious mental issues...Little do they know, I'm a mother of 2 kids, have a boyfriend of 2 years, and am just trying to put myself through nursing school.
My whole point was more humor than a stereotype of the stripping community. Read some of my other stuff, I like to think I'm quite witty....or have a lot of anger to work through, one of the other. ha ha ha.
I've been DJ'ing for 8 years now, the most recent stretch being in a strip club, and i gotta say: though i play these songs (usually at the girls' request) i found this post to be hilarious! I understand Barbie's argument, but again you can tell this was made purely for comedic entertainment...
Though you forgot the #1 most inappropriate strip club song ever written...
"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Cryin..." by The Bloodhound Gang...
"Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'"
...i actually play it quite often...lolz
I used to get bigger tips for doing this crazy routine to "Sex Type Thing" that involved ropes and flailing around like I was tied up, and crawling across the stage like a cat... Kinda creepy and kooky, but it really got attention and $
I'm not sure whether to be turned on or freaked out. I think it would all depend on how you look.
Maybe Barbie has been working the strip clubs longer than I have. But, as a strip club d.j. and someone that has dated a stripper that was suppose to be "Legit". I have found that most of the girls I work with and have worked with are all sketchy, come from bad child hoods and are on drugs alot.
Sorry Barbie, but I've heard your story about bein "legit" and all way too ofte. About, 3 times a night to be exact. Not saying you're one of them, but 99.99% are.
You know, if any of you DJ's or strippers want to pimp my blog while on the job, I'd appreciate it. ha ha ha. I'll even give your club mad props.
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