To start off, yes, I watched the Bruins game last night. I’m not going to sit here and wax intellectual on the game, making it sound like I know the slightest thing about hockey. I pretty much stopped caring after the lock-out, like most people. So, I have knowledge of the game and know some of the Bruins players, but I can’t start spouting out stats and matchups. I can’t tell you who won last years Stanley Cup, but I did have one piece of knowledge. I knew the Bruins would lose to the Canadians. I just figured it would be done in 5 games.
When my buddy DB emailed me prior to the series and said the Bruins would be swept, I put my little knowledge to work and made the argument that they would fall ass backwards into a win, probably at Game 3, just to draw the fans in before playing like a bunch of asshats and getting smoked in Games 4 and 5. See, the city of Boston didn’t care about the Bruins, which made them so appealing to someone like me. With the pink hatters on the Celtics bandwagon and slobbering over the Red Sox, the Bruins were left to toil in obscurity, with the true fans attending the games and having discussions like “Could a young Cam Neely kick the shit out of Milan Lucic?” at the Penalty Box afterwards. Of course, it was for this reason that Games 3 and 4 at the Garden were packed with Habs fans (which lead to many a drunken brawl). Then the unthinkable happened. The Bruins won Game 3, but lost Game 4, leaving them down 3-1. Instead of throwing in the towel, they actually pulled together, and won Game 5 in Montreal, then Game 6 back in Boston, heading to the pivotal Game 7 in Montreal. Because of this, the pink hatters took notice, and it all went downhill from there.
After watching Game 6, I got kinda amped for Game 7. This was like old-school hockey. Habs/B’s, Game 7, hard hitting, it was going to be fun. Then Monday rolled around. I walked into work on Marathon Monday and it all went to hell. Since the Sox were playing at 11am, that left the whole afternoon for hockey. Sure enough, as soon as the Sox had it well in hand, the chatter started up. Some kid who didn’t even watch or talk about the Bruins all season was suddenly “The Bruins are on a roll. They can win tonight. Plus, they match up well against Pittsburgh, so they can do things.” How about this? SHUT YOUR GOB! You don’t know what you’re talking about, you pink hatted ass clown. Seriously, why did he have to open his mouth? It’s like he was intentionally trying to piss me off. He wasn’t the only one. I heard it from other people, I heard it on the train, and I heard it when the bandwagon jumpers called WEEI. None of these people had seen one period of hockey all year, and now they feeling the can talk intellectually about the Bruins. No you can’t. You’re a tool and should not talk or go to games or piss me off in any way.
By the time I got home, I didn’t even want to see the game. It was like it was ruined for me. I watched it anyway, but had no enjoyment while doing so. At 8pm, I turned the channel to “Bones” on FOX. The Duchess said I could keep watching, but the game was pretty much over for me. I checked during the commercials and the situation became bleaker. When the final horn sounded, the Bruin’s were put out of there misery, 5-0. You could almost hear the stampede away from the bandwagon. The pink hatters have skipped happily back to the Red Sox and Celtics and I don’t have to worry about them until next years Stanley Cup Playoffs. At least I know I can watch the Revs and not have to worry about pink hats.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Red Sox Insanity
Unless you live under a rock or part of the “bitter” people referred to by Senator Obama, you’ve heard about this Red Sox jersey that was unearthed in the new Yankee Stadium. The story goes that some construction worker was trying to jinx the Yankees by burying a David Ortiz jersey into the construction of the new stadium. There are just so many things wrong with this; I don’t even know where to begin.
First things first, there is no such thing as jinxes and curses. Anyone who believes the Red Sox were cursed are pathetic losers who helped put Dan Shaughnessy’s ugly kids through college. The reason the Red Sox didn’t win a World Series for 86 years is because they were either beat by better teams in the playoffs or played like absolute shit. You want to know why the Sox lost to the Mets in 1986. It wasn’t because Babe Ruth’s ghost was exacting revenge. It was because Clemens opted out, turning the game over to the weakness of the 1986 Red Sox, the bullpen. I’m sorry but it’s the truth. You can add Gedman’s inability to catch and McNamara’s inability to manage, but if you’re turning the deciding game over to a human sweatbox and a guy whose nickname was “The Steamer”, you have issues. I wouldn’t trust either of those guys to order a pizza, let alone close out the deciding game of the World Series. But I digress.
Second, how does burying a Red Sox jersey jinx or curse the Yankees? Wouldn’t all the concrete poured over it and then setting rip the jersey to shit, thereby immortalizing the tatters of the Red Sox organization for all eternity? Who comes up with this bright idea anyway? You’re going to jinx the Yankees by overpaying for an Ortiz jersey and burying it in the new Yankee Stadium? Was this guy a Rhodes Scholar? If you want to jinx the Yankees, do something useful. You could hire a transvestite hooker to give Jeter a STD. That would work. See, that would be doing something useful, not something pathetic and dumb. Plus, he’s risking his high paying, do nothing union job to pull this off. If this guy is some family’s main source of income, I think a little relocation is in order. Now I hear the Yankees are threatening some sort of legal action. Man, this guy needs to buy a lottery ticket, because everything is going right.
Third, how is this even news? Who cares if some mouth breather buried a jersey into some building? This is considered news to all the people who care about the next thing “Mother of the Year” candidate Britney Spears is doing. I could care less, but some pink-hatted freak who thinks that Varitek is “so cute” is reading every article on this. By the by, the pink-hatted freaks are also the reason I can’t get tickets. Yet the Boston Media picks up on this and writes a bunch of articles and talks about it on sports radio and run news stories about it on TV. And don’t get me started on the New York media. Wasn’t winning the World Series suppose to cure “Red Sox Nation” of there habitual idiocy? If anything, it’s made it worse. It makes every Red Sox fan look sad, pathetic, ungracious, and annoying. I’m none of those things, yet I get lumped in because of this. Not only this, but the coverage of this, where ESPN and local TV go to “the streets” and talk to the unshowered, drunken masses of Boston who say dumb shit and make us all look like we drink PBR and don’t know what soap is (you know, like people from Indianapolis). Of course, most of these people are kids at the fine institutions of higher learning the in the Boston area who are spending mommy and daddy’s money to drink, smoke, and get laid for 4 straight years.
Alright, I have to quit before this turns into more of a nonsensical rant than it already is. I can’t wait to read the new and refreshing twist Bill Simmons is about to put on this. Just thinking about it is giving me a headache.
First things first, there is no such thing as jinxes and curses. Anyone who believes the Red Sox were cursed are pathetic losers who helped put Dan Shaughnessy’s ugly kids through college. The reason the Red Sox didn’t win a World Series for 86 years is because they were either beat by better teams in the playoffs or played like absolute shit. You want to know why the Sox lost to the Mets in 1986. It wasn’t because Babe Ruth’s ghost was exacting revenge. It was because Clemens opted out, turning the game over to the weakness of the 1986 Red Sox, the bullpen. I’m sorry but it’s the truth. You can add Gedman’s inability to catch and McNamara’s inability to manage, but if you’re turning the deciding game over to a human sweatbox and a guy whose nickname was “The Steamer”, you have issues. I wouldn’t trust either of those guys to order a pizza, let alone close out the deciding game of the World Series. But I digress.
Second, how does burying a Red Sox jersey jinx or curse the Yankees? Wouldn’t all the concrete poured over it and then setting rip the jersey to shit, thereby immortalizing the tatters of the Red Sox organization for all eternity? Who comes up with this bright idea anyway? You’re going to jinx the Yankees by overpaying for an Ortiz jersey and burying it in the new Yankee Stadium? Was this guy a Rhodes Scholar? If you want to jinx the Yankees, do something useful. You could hire a transvestite hooker to give Jeter a STD. That would work. See, that would be doing something useful, not something pathetic and dumb. Plus, he’s risking his high paying, do nothing union job to pull this off. If this guy is some family’s main source of income, I think a little relocation is in order. Now I hear the Yankees are threatening some sort of legal action. Man, this guy needs to buy a lottery ticket, because everything is going right.
Third, how is this even news? Who cares if some mouth breather buried a jersey into some building? This is considered news to all the people who care about the next thing “Mother of the Year” candidate Britney Spears is doing. I could care less, but some pink-hatted freak who thinks that Varitek is “so cute” is reading every article on this. By the by, the pink-hatted freaks are also the reason I can’t get tickets. Yet the Boston Media picks up on this and writes a bunch of articles and talks about it on sports radio and run news stories about it on TV. And don’t get me started on the New York media. Wasn’t winning the World Series suppose to cure “Red Sox Nation” of there habitual idiocy? If anything, it’s made it worse. It makes every Red Sox fan look sad, pathetic, ungracious, and annoying. I’m none of those things, yet I get lumped in because of this. Not only this, but the coverage of this, where ESPN and local TV go to “the streets” and talk to the unshowered, drunken masses of Boston who say dumb shit and make us all look like we drink PBR and don’t know what soap is (you know, like people from Indianapolis). Of course, most of these people are kids at the fine institutions of higher learning the in the Boston area who are spending mommy and daddy’s money to drink, smoke, and get laid for 4 straight years.
Alright, I have to quit before this turns into more of a nonsensical rant than it already is. I can’t wait to read the new and refreshing twist Bill Simmons is about to put on this. Just thinking about it is giving me a headache.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Just Say No
I know it’s been a while, and my only excuse is that I’m extremely lame. There, I admitted it, so let’s roll. I want to talk about TV as the educator. I remember when I was younger watching TV shows that were trying to send me a message. The message was that drugs and drinking were bad things. I’m going to run down for you the Top 5 anti-drug/anti-drinking TV episodes of all time (please note, if I was writing about the glorification of drugs, number 1 would be the “90210” episode where Dylan chased the dragon and then drove his car off the road. That was classic).
5) “Mr. Belvedere” – Kevin Likes the Booze – “Mr. Belvedere” was a classic 80’s show about a Pennsylvania family that hires and English housekeeper and hilarity ensues. Anyway, the oldest son Kevin is a popular guy who would definitely be going to parties, so Mom and Dad tell him that if he’s at a party and drinks, that it’s okay, just give them a call so he doesn’t drive drunk. Well, Kevin takes this as an invitation and decides to get annihilated at every party he goes to. Mom and Dad have enough of this and put there collective foots down, teaching us all that don’t drive drunk and don’t drink period unless you are consenting adult. Extra irony points for the fact that Bob Uecker was the Dad and also a spokesman for Miller Lite. The old man was probably just pissed because Kevin was drinking Bud.
4) “The OC” – Tijuana Baby – The whole gang decides to drive down to TJ for a little after summer party. I know I used to do that at the end of every summer. Basically, TJ is a lawless area where drugs and booze are readily available, and good thing, because Marissa wants a little of both. After catching her boyfriend macking some whore, Marissa runs off to the nearest sleazy bar and starts hitting the tequila hard. Seeing as that isn’t doing the trick, she also decides to take a fist full of muscle relaxers. Good times! Realizing that being in this condition in a bar full of overweight, sleazy townies, she decides to stumble out into some alley and pass out. Yeah, the alley is much safer than a filthy bar. Ryan appears and carries her lifeless body out of the alley and it fades to black. If she had just died of the OD, it would have saved us from the horrible acting of the obnoxious, deluded, and self-absorbed Mischa Barton. It also would have saved the show, since her horrible acting pretty much killed it. Extra irony points for the fact that Mischa Barton recently got nabbed for DUI.
3) “Growing Pains” – The Bathroom” – The sad thing about this episode was that I hadn’t seen it in at least 10 years, but when it popped up on Nick at Nite a few months ago, I knew which episode it was within 5 seconds (much to the chagrin of the Duchess). Basically, Mike and his friends go to a party hosted by teenage Kristy Swanson. At the party, party guests are encouraged to “go to the bathroom”. The bathroom was obviously decorated by Pablo Escobar, because that is where everyone is snorting the coke. We find out that Kristy swiped the blow from her parents. My question (which went unanswered) was how was she going to replace it? I don’t think Baking Soda would do the trick. Did her parents have a kilo, because everyone was doing it? Anyway, Kristy and her friends beckon Mike and his friends to the bathroom. After serious debate, Mike leaves while his friends stay. Mike has a heart-to-heart with Old Man Seaver about this and he does the typical 80’s dad thing and says that drugs are bad and he’s proud of Mike. We also learn that Mike’s friends didn’t go to the bathroom. This gets extra points because it has Kirk Cameron in a special after episode “don’t do drugs” spot.
2) “California Dreams” – Roid Rage – Anyone who doesn’t know the show “California Dreams” can just leave right now (think “Saved by the Bell” if the Bell had revolved around The Zack Attack). Bright, bubbly Tiffani needs a little help when it comes to volleyball. So, instead of practicing and working out, she turns to steroids. The over the top acting by Kelly Packard in this one is what sells it. She takes roids like once and all of a sudden, she’s snapping at people and throwing crap around. I’m laughing just thinking about it. It was just so unintentionally funny. However, its running mate on Saturday morning takes the cake.
1) “Saved by the Bell” – I’m So Excited About The Tartikoff – The number 1 spot actually goes to two separate Bell episodes. The first was the when where Bayside High was going to host an anti-drug commercial that was going to star some flavor of the month teen heartthrob. He meets the kids and immediately asks out Kelly. Since Kelly is willing to spread her legs for any pretty boy (see Zack and Slater), she says yes and they go to a party (he invites the other to come along too). At the party, the pretty boy starts rocking the ganja, much to Kelly’s shock. He offers her a hit and she declines, leading to one of the funniest lines in Bell history (“Look guys, she’s just saying no”). Zack comes in and finds out and takes her outta there. At the shoot the next day, Zack tries to teach the teen heartthrob the meaning of the word “hypocrisy” (which he doesn’t understand), so the gang walks off the commercial. Belding, upon hearing the story, calls his good friend to come up with a solution. His good friend just happens to be the head of NBC, Brandon Tartikoff, who shows up and stars in the commercial with the kids. Feel good ending.
The second episode really doesn’t need any introduction. All you need to read is Jessie Spano, caffeine pills, and me bursting into laughter every time I hear “I’m So Excited” on the radio.
5) “Mr. Belvedere” – Kevin Likes the Booze – “Mr. Belvedere” was a classic 80’s show about a Pennsylvania family that hires and English housekeeper and hilarity ensues. Anyway, the oldest son Kevin is a popular guy who would definitely be going to parties, so Mom and Dad tell him that if he’s at a party and drinks, that it’s okay, just give them a call so he doesn’t drive drunk. Well, Kevin takes this as an invitation and decides to get annihilated at every party he goes to. Mom and Dad have enough of this and put there collective foots down, teaching us all that don’t drive drunk and don’t drink period unless you are consenting adult. Extra irony points for the fact that Bob Uecker was the Dad and also a spokesman for Miller Lite. The old man was probably just pissed because Kevin was drinking Bud.
4) “The OC” – Tijuana Baby – The whole gang decides to drive down to TJ for a little after summer party. I know I used to do that at the end of every summer. Basically, TJ is a lawless area where drugs and booze are readily available, and good thing, because Marissa wants a little of both. After catching her boyfriend macking some whore, Marissa runs off to the nearest sleazy bar and starts hitting the tequila hard. Seeing as that isn’t doing the trick, she also decides to take a fist full of muscle relaxers. Good times! Realizing that being in this condition in a bar full of overweight, sleazy townies, she decides to stumble out into some alley and pass out. Yeah, the alley is much safer than a filthy bar. Ryan appears and carries her lifeless body out of the alley and it fades to black. If she had just died of the OD, it would have saved us from the horrible acting of the obnoxious, deluded, and self-absorbed Mischa Barton. It also would have saved the show, since her horrible acting pretty much killed it. Extra irony points for the fact that Mischa Barton recently got nabbed for DUI.
3) “Growing Pains” – The Bathroom” – The sad thing about this episode was that I hadn’t seen it in at least 10 years, but when it popped up on Nick at Nite a few months ago, I knew which episode it was within 5 seconds (much to the chagrin of the Duchess). Basically, Mike and his friends go to a party hosted by teenage Kristy Swanson. At the party, party guests are encouraged to “go to the bathroom”. The bathroom was obviously decorated by Pablo Escobar, because that is where everyone is snorting the coke. We find out that Kristy swiped the blow from her parents. My question (which went unanswered) was how was she going to replace it? I don’t think Baking Soda would do the trick. Did her parents have a kilo, because everyone was doing it? Anyway, Kristy and her friends beckon Mike and his friends to the bathroom. After serious debate, Mike leaves while his friends stay. Mike has a heart-to-heart with Old Man Seaver about this and he does the typical 80’s dad thing and says that drugs are bad and he’s proud of Mike. We also learn that Mike’s friends didn’t go to the bathroom. This gets extra points because it has Kirk Cameron in a special after episode “don’t do drugs” spot.
2) “California Dreams” – Roid Rage – Anyone who doesn’t know the show “California Dreams” can just leave right now (think “Saved by the Bell” if the Bell had revolved around The Zack Attack). Bright, bubbly Tiffani needs a little help when it comes to volleyball. So, instead of practicing and working out, she turns to steroids. The over the top acting by Kelly Packard in this one is what sells it. She takes roids like once and all of a sudden, she’s snapping at people and throwing crap around. I’m laughing just thinking about it. It was just so unintentionally funny. However, its running mate on Saturday morning takes the cake.
1) “Saved by the Bell” – I’m So Excited About The Tartikoff – The number 1 spot actually goes to two separate Bell episodes. The first was the when where Bayside High was going to host an anti-drug commercial that was going to star some flavor of the month teen heartthrob. He meets the kids and immediately asks out Kelly. Since Kelly is willing to spread her legs for any pretty boy (see Zack and Slater), she says yes and they go to a party (he invites the other to come along too). At the party, the pretty boy starts rocking the ganja, much to Kelly’s shock. He offers her a hit and she declines, leading to one of the funniest lines in Bell history (“Look guys, she’s just saying no”). Zack comes in and finds out and takes her outta there. At the shoot the next day, Zack tries to teach the teen heartthrob the meaning of the word “hypocrisy” (which he doesn’t understand), so the gang walks off the commercial. Belding, upon hearing the story, calls his good friend to come up with a solution. His good friend just happens to be the head of NBC, Brandon Tartikoff, who shows up and stars in the commercial with the kids. Feel good ending.
The second episode really doesn’t need any introduction. All you need to read is Jessie Spano, caffeine pills, and me bursting into laughter every time I hear “I’m So Excited” on the radio.
Friday, March 28, 2008
MLS Western Conference Preview
Yesterday, I gave you the run down of the Eastern Conference and today we have the Western Conference. This one is a little trickier, since any of these teams can pretty much finish anywhere and it wouldn’t be much of a shock (unless San Jose wins it all). I do have to get one thing out of the way before I start. Beckham. Just needed to type it. You know it’s going to be brought up, so it’s good to just get it out of the way early. So, here’s the rundown, from first to worst.
1) LA Galaxy – Ugh, I’m physically sick just typing it. I know a lot of you are thinking I’m some sort of sadist, but hear me out. They have three of the most dynamic players in the game in Landon Donovan, David Beckham, and Carlos Ruiz. If the three can stay healthy, they will have no problems with scoring. Ruiz is back where he wants, so he should flourish again. There new coach is a little bit of a control freak but has a track record for success, so hopefully the team will get behind him. The younger players need to step up, and none more than Steve Cronin, the rookie goalie. Can he stop high scoring teams like Chivas? That’s the main question.
2) Chivas USA – I nearly picked them first, but Brad Guzan stopped me. Yes, I know he’s the best goalie in the MLS, but you’re deluded if you think he’ll be with Chivas all season long. The thing that derailed Chivas last year was the lack of depth at forward, but only got Alecko Eskandarian to help with the problem (the man’s picture is next to “streak” in the dictionary). Plus, there schedule is a bear, with Superliga, the CONCACAF club championship, and the US Open Cup. However, this is a scrappy team that can pull it together and possibly win the whole thing.
3) Houston Dynamo – I feel bad for not giving the two time defending MLS champs some love, but they do their best work in the playoffs. They lost there incredible depth, which could spell trouble due to their schedule (look at Chivas to see what they are facing). With some goal scorers leaving, they will rely on the oft-injured Brian Ching and Dwayne DeRosario to do the bulk of the scoring. If the team gets in trouble, they will do what they always do and trade, but who wants to trade with them? They have one of the best defenses in the league, but they need some scoring.
4) FC Dallas – I was getting all excited about watching Denilson stink it up again, then he goes and leaves. You have to love a team where one of their midfielders rocks a mullet (business in the front, party in the back). It all comes down to Kenny Cooper. He needs to be able to light up the scoreboard, since he will be the main target player. The defense is sketchy but shouldn’t be too bad. There main problem is it’s a young team with no leaders. They need someone to step up and lead this team on the field.
5) Real Salt Lake – Okay, stop laughing. This team actually came on at the end of last season, keeping games close. They must have hypnotized Nick Rimando to believe he was Kasey Keller, because he went from shaky to stable. He will need to do that the whole year. I think the team’s success will be based on Kenny Deuchar, who ripped it up in the Scottish Premier League. He’ll need to do the same here. This team can make a run if everything falls right for them.
6) Colorado Rapids – You know the old saying “defense wins championships”? You actually need some offense to go with it. There leading scorer last year had 6 goals, with 4 coming from penalty kicks. The team has 29 goals in 30 matches! They can’t score and did nothing to fix the problem. There forwards have injury and consistency problems. There goalie gives the coach heartburn every time he’s forced to make a save. They’re only saving grace is there defense. They just need to find a way to score.
7) San Jose Earthquakes – Let’s get this out of the way and say they won’t do much competing this year. Fans should watch Toronto matches from last year to get a vivid picture of how things will play out.
1) LA Galaxy – Ugh, I’m physically sick just typing it. I know a lot of you are thinking I’m some sort of sadist, but hear me out. They have three of the most dynamic players in the game in Landon Donovan, David Beckham, and Carlos Ruiz. If the three can stay healthy, they will have no problems with scoring. Ruiz is back where he wants, so he should flourish again. There new coach is a little bit of a control freak but has a track record for success, so hopefully the team will get behind him. The younger players need to step up, and none more than Steve Cronin, the rookie goalie. Can he stop high scoring teams like Chivas? That’s the main question.
2) Chivas USA – I nearly picked them first, but Brad Guzan stopped me. Yes, I know he’s the best goalie in the MLS, but you’re deluded if you think he’ll be with Chivas all season long. The thing that derailed Chivas last year was the lack of depth at forward, but only got Alecko Eskandarian to help with the problem (the man’s picture is next to “streak” in the dictionary). Plus, there schedule is a bear, with Superliga, the CONCACAF club championship, and the US Open Cup. However, this is a scrappy team that can pull it together and possibly win the whole thing.
3) Houston Dynamo – I feel bad for not giving the two time defending MLS champs some love, but they do their best work in the playoffs. They lost there incredible depth, which could spell trouble due to their schedule (look at Chivas to see what they are facing). With some goal scorers leaving, they will rely on the oft-injured Brian Ching and Dwayne DeRosario to do the bulk of the scoring. If the team gets in trouble, they will do what they always do and trade, but who wants to trade with them? They have one of the best defenses in the league, but they need some scoring.
4) FC Dallas – I was getting all excited about watching Denilson stink it up again, then he goes and leaves. You have to love a team where one of their midfielders rocks a mullet (business in the front, party in the back). It all comes down to Kenny Cooper. He needs to be able to light up the scoreboard, since he will be the main target player. The defense is sketchy but shouldn’t be too bad. There main problem is it’s a young team with no leaders. They need someone to step up and lead this team on the field.
5) Real Salt Lake – Okay, stop laughing. This team actually came on at the end of last season, keeping games close. They must have hypnotized Nick Rimando to believe he was Kasey Keller, because he went from shaky to stable. He will need to do that the whole year. I think the team’s success will be based on Kenny Deuchar, who ripped it up in the Scottish Premier League. He’ll need to do the same here. This team can make a run if everything falls right for them.
6) Colorado Rapids – You know the old saying “defense wins championships”? You actually need some offense to go with it. There leading scorer last year had 6 goals, with 4 coming from penalty kicks. The team has 29 goals in 30 matches! They can’t score and did nothing to fix the problem. There forwards have injury and consistency problems. There goalie gives the coach heartburn every time he’s forced to make a save. They’re only saving grace is there defense. They just need to find a way to score.
7) San Jose Earthquakes – Let’s get this out of the way and say they won’t do much competing this year. Fans should watch Toronto matches from last year to get a vivid picture of how things will play out.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
MLS Eastern Conference Preview
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I love soccer. I fell in love as a little boy in Disney, where I watched the US beat Columbia in the 94 World Cup. I didn’t quite understand everything, but I knew I was witnessing history. It wasn’t just me, but America embraced this team of plucky upstarts who thrust themselves on the world stage. With that, Major League Soccer (MLS) was born. The started in 1996, bringing a legitimate First Division the US soil. Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly embraced like the 94 World Cup team. The MLS has struggled, going through expansion, contraction, and expansion yet again. It has the perception of being a league of young American players who need seasoning, coupled with international players at the tail end of their career (to be honest, I thought this a lot). However, the league has come a long way since then, being able to keep home-grown talent like Landon Donovan and Taylor Twellman (though Twellman was almost transferred to England in the offseason) and getting young talent from abroad. We’re not talking kids from England or Germany here, but there is a plethora of talent coming from the U-20 teams in South America and Africa. The league has taken hold, with its small but loyal fan base and soccer specific stadiums popping up all over the place. So I, as your humble correspondent, want to help introduce you to the MLS. I’ll preview the Eastern Conference today and the Western Conference tomorrow. The teams are listed in the order which I feel they will finish.
1) DC United – They were the best team in the MLS last year, but had issues with their defense. This problem should have corrected itself with some key acquisitions. However, the new defense and goalie will need to mesh. They have added depth to the forward position, which was the main thing that torpedoed them last year. I think it all hinges on the health of Ben Olsen (one of the charter members of the “John O’Brien All-Stars” for players who never realized their full potential due to constant injuries). Olsen is the lynch pin for this team when it comes to his contributions on defense and his ability to attack when needed.
2) New England Revolution – I had a tough time between them and New York, but I decided to go with the Revs because I’m a homer. They have to overcome the huge loss of Pat Noonan up front. They do have depth at forward and will find someone who can pair with Twellman, but they won’t click like he did with Noonan. Superliga and the Champions League will be a good test for all the young talent they have. It all rests on Twellman, who along with losing Noonan, also got divorced and his transfer to England got scuttled. If he kicks it into gear, they can do something, and maybe even lose the title “The Buffalo Bills of MLS”.
3) New York Redbull – This is a team that was close to self-destructing last year, which shows you just how important someone like Claudio Reyna can be, even if it doesn’t show up on the stat sheet. The Redbulls really didn’t make any quality moves in the offseason (minus Echeverry) and still have holes to fill. They also need to ensure that the defense isn’t as up and down as it was last year (more down near the end of the year). It all comes down to Reyna, who needs to stay healthy and be used properly (unlike last year). Don’t be surprised if they self-destruct or fly to the top.
4) Chicago Fire – This is one of those teams you really can’t say much about. They are a middle of the road team, just good enough to get you to start dreaming of an MLS Cup, just bad enough to dash those dreams. Last year was a perfect example. They finished 10-10-10, but got to the Conference Finals, before being ousted by the amazing bicycle kick by Taylor Twellman. There season rests with Cuauhtemoc Blanco. If he kicks it to another level, they can raise up. I see them finishing right in the middle again.
5) Kansas City Wizards – You have to love KC’s all or nothing approach to the game. They just want to win. I guess to them a tie is like frenching your sister. Anyway, the major loss is Eddie Johnson, who when to Fulham this year (Fulham might as well be an MLS team with the amount of American’s on it). It was just a matter of time. They hope that Claudio Lopez will help fill the gap that Johnson left. They have a solid back-line and one of the better goalies in the game. This team has an issue with consistency, as they tend to get into losing streaks. They will need to avoid this if they want to be successful.
6) Columbus Crew – I just don’t know about this team. They came on strong at the end of the year, but still finished in second to last place in the East. There main problem is injuries and inconsistent play. Basically, they are a team looking to prove themselves. The question seems to be the same everywhere. It is “Can this person step up and play to their potential” whether it be Eddie Gavin, or Brian Carroll or Robbie Rogers. I just have no faith in this team until they prove something.
7) Toronto FC – Last years expansion team was just woeful last year, but they sold out every home game. There defense was horrid, so they used the MLS Superdraft to draft some defensive talent. There problems in goal should have worked themselves out, as long as Greg Sutton can keep himself from being knocked out. The only semi-competent player in midfield left and hasn’t been replaced, leaving the midfield low on depth. The main debate last year was what was worse, the offense or the defense. The main bright spot is they have a new coach. I think it’s safe to say they will be in the basement again this year.
1) DC United – They were the best team in the MLS last year, but had issues with their defense. This problem should have corrected itself with some key acquisitions. However, the new defense and goalie will need to mesh. They have added depth to the forward position, which was the main thing that torpedoed them last year. I think it all hinges on the health of Ben Olsen (one of the charter members of the “John O’Brien All-Stars” for players who never realized their full potential due to constant injuries). Olsen is the lynch pin for this team when it comes to his contributions on defense and his ability to attack when needed.
2) New England Revolution – I had a tough time between them and New York, but I decided to go with the Revs because I’m a homer. They have to overcome the huge loss of Pat Noonan up front. They do have depth at forward and will find someone who can pair with Twellman, but they won’t click like he did with Noonan. Superliga and the Champions League will be a good test for all the young talent they have. It all rests on Twellman, who along with losing Noonan, also got divorced and his transfer to England got scuttled. If he kicks it into gear, they can do something, and maybe even lose the title “The Buffalo Bills of MLS”.
3) New York Redbull – This is a team that was close to self-destructing last year, which shows you just how important someone like Claudio Reyna can be, even if it doesn’t show up on the stat sheet. The Redbulls really didn’t make any quality moves in the offseason (minus Echeverry) and still have holes to fill. They also need to ensure that the defense isn’t as up and down as it was last year (more down near the end of the year). It all comes down to Reyna, who needs to stay healthy and be used properly (unlike last year). Don’t be surprised if they self-destruct or fly to the top.
4) Chicago Fire – This is one of those teams you really can’t say much about. They are a middle of the road team, just good enough to get you to start dreaming of an MLS Cup, just bad enough to dash those dreams. Last year was a perfect example. They finished 10-10-10, but got to the Conference Finals, before being ousted by the amazing bicycle kick by Taylor Twellman. There season rests with Cuauhtemoc Blanco. If he kicks it to another level, they can raise up. I see them finishing right in the middle again.
5) Kansas City Wizards – You have to love KC’s all or nothing approach to the game. They just want to win. I guess to them a tie is like frenching your sister. Anyway, the major loss is Eddie Johnson, who when to Fulham this year (Fulham might as well be an MLS team with the amount of American’s on it). It was just a matter of time. They hope that Claudio Lopez will help fill the gap that Johnson left. They have a solid back-line and one of the better goalies in the game. This team has an issue with consistency, as they tend to get into losing streaks. They will need to avoid this if they want to be successful.
6) Columbus Crew – I just don’t know about this team. They came on strong at the end of the year, but still finished in second to last place in the East. There main problem is injuries and inconsistent play. Basically, they are a team looking to prove themselves. The question seems to be the same everywhere. It is “Can this person step up and play to their potential” whether it be Eddie Gavin, or Brian Carroll or Robbie Rogers. I just have no faith in this team until they prove something.
7) Toronto FC – Last years expansion team was just woeful last year, but they sold out every home game. There defense was horrid, so they used the MLS Superdraft to draft some defensive talent. There problems in goal should have worked themselves out, as long as Greg Sutton can keep himself from being knocked out. The only semi-competent player in midfield left and hasn’t been replaced, leaving the midfield low on depth. The main debate last year was what was worse, the offense or the defense. The main bright spot is they have a new coach. I think it’s safe to say they will be in the basement again this year.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Baseball and 7 Year Old Comedies
A couple of points and then I’ll be off to make a living. The baseball season started the other day with the defending World Series champions playing Oakland. I always enjoy the opening day of our nation’s pastime. Too bad the opening day of our nation’s pastime wasn’t being played in our nation (before some smart-ass mentions it, Canada might as well change their name to US-light). Opening day this year was played in Japan. Not only was it played in a place that doesn’t have a MLB team, but because of the time difference, the games were played at 6 AM (Boston Time). So, in order to watch the games, I would have to get up early and miss work. The Red Sox really love their fans. This would piss me off because it means two less chances of getting Sox tickets but the Sox could play all 162 games at Fenway and I wouldn’t be able to get tickets. You have to be some corporate bigwig, know somebody, buy from a scalper, be a member of the incredibly lame “Red Sox Nation”, or make a deal with Satan to get tickets. Last year, I had to go to Toronto just to see a game. How about this? Tear down that dump of a stadium and build something with at least 50,000 seats so I can sit in an uncomfortable seat and take out a small loan for a few hotdogs and watered down beers.
I finally watched “Knocked Up” this weekend and can finally make the judgment call. “Knocked Up” is funnier than “Superbad”. It actually took me a couple of days to find “Superbad” funny, just because of all the hype. I really wanted to laugh, but I just didn’t. “Knocked Up” made me laugh out loud. It also proved that Jonah Hill has the Will Ferrell disease. He’s perfect in small doses as a supporting character, but he can’t carry a movie. I think my main problem with “Superbad” was that I find Jonah Hill annoying after 5 minutes and I can’t stand Michael Cena. I just want to bust the kid in the face. His whole unassuming, awkward thing just pisses me off. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of me when I was younger. Whatever. Anyway, Seth Rogen can both carry a movie and work very well as a supporting character (the whole McLovin side story with him was pure gold and carried that movie). Well, in order to proclaim if Judd Apatow was comic genius or flash in the pan, I needed one more piece of evidence. So, this morning I started watching “Undeclared” on my ride into work. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the many hatchet jobs of FOX, “Undeclared” was a teen comedy about starting out at college. Of course, Seth Rogen was in it. Pure hilarity. I laughed out loud a few times, causing my fellow commuters to glance at me (and this time, it wasn’t because I’m completely sexy). So, Judd Apatow is now a comedic genius. Of course, I’m making this judgment on my viewing of a 7 year old canceled comedy show.
Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow with a little MLS preview. Totally sweet ninjas!
I finally watched “Knocked Up” this weekend and can finally make the judgment call. “Knocked Up” is funnier than “Superbad”. It actually took me a couple of days to find “Superbad” funny, just because of all the hype. I really wanted to laugh, but I just didn’t. “Knocked Up” made me laugh out loud. It also proved that Jonah Hill has the Will Ferrell disease. He’s perfect in small doses as a supporting character, but he can’t carry a movie. I think my main problem with “Superbad” was that I find Jonah Hill annoying after 5 minutes and I can’t stand Michael Cena. I just want to bust the kid in the face. His whole unassuming, awkward thing just pisses me off. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of me when I was younger. Whatever. Anyway, Seth Rogen can both carry a movie and work very well as a supporting character (the whole McLovin side story with him was pure gold and carried that movie). Well, in order to proclaim if Judd Apatow was comic genius or flash in the pan, I needed one more piece of evidence. So, this morning I started watching “Undeclared” on my ride into work. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the many hatchet jobs of FOX, “Undeclared” was a teen comedy about starting out at college. Of course, Seth Rogen was in it. Pure hilarity. I laughed out loud a few times, causing my fellow commuters to glance at me (and this time, it wasn’t because I’m completely sexy). So, Judd Apatow is now a comedic genius. Of course, I’m making this judgment on my viewing of a 7 year old canceled comedy show.
Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow with a little MLS preview. Totally sweet ninjas!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thinking Like A Chick
It’s that time of year again when seemingly normal people turn into gamblers. The NCAA tournament is upon us and that means its time for your office pool. Even the Duchess, who is against gambling, is throwing down $10 and pouring over the brackets. As for me, the simple formula explains it all: semi-reformed degenerate gambler + office pool = good times. However, the reason I am slightly reformed is that I have a nasty habit of losing. I’ve never finished in the money of my office pool for the tourney. So, I decided to get a little crazy and change it up a little bit.
Women are crazy. There is no argument about this one. I’ve have never met one sane woman. I don’t think they exist (by the by, the last few sentences will get me in trouble with the Duchess, so I hope you all appreciate this). However, craziness pays off sometimes, and one of those times is tournament time. Some chick in your office pool usually makes a run at the money, usually by picking teams on some combination of colors, mascot, and association with someone they know. They also have a method to their madness and they play it conservative at the right times. They aren’t going to have some 16 seed topple a 1 seed and they normally clear out the riff-raff by the time the Elite Eight rolls around. Ladies will clear out the 4 and 5 seeds early, so they don’t have to think about them, and it makes it easier to push the 1, 2, or 3 seeds into the Final Four. It’s controlled chaos and it seems to work. So, this year I decided to throw conscious thought out the window and form a bracket that no reasonable person would normally concoct (tourney play is never reasonable anyway, case in point would be George Mason in 2006).
Without going through my whole bracket, I have 6 double digit seeds making it into the second round (only one being a 10 seed), I have 7 seed Butler getting to the Sweet 16, and I have 3 seed Xavier getting to the Final Four. However, there is some conservative picks. The rest of the Final Four is Kansas (1), UNC (1), and Texas (2), with Kansas winning it all. Seven out of eight 1 and 2 seeds are making it to the Sweet 16 (minus Tennessee). I’ve only gotten screwed once so far, with Kentucky losing to Marquette. I realize now that there was conscious thought with that pick, not letting loose and thinking “well, I like the fact Marquette has a Q in its name”.
So, how’s it going to play out? Who knows? I do know I’m last right now in my office pool, so maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Of course, I have to stop thinking about it and hope that a bunch of kids 18-21 are going to win me some scratch and help prove my theory. Either that or smack me down like usual. With that said, let’s all root for Xavier to make it to the Final Four, which will give me some credibility. Not a lot, but some and that’s all I can really hope for.
Women are crazy. There is no argument about this one. I’ve have never met one sane woman. I don’t think they exist (by the by, the last few sentences will get me in trouble with the Duchess, so I hope you all appreciate this). However, craziness pays off sometimes, and one of those times is tournament time. Some chick in your office pool usually makes a run at the money, usually by picking teams on some combination of colors, mascot, and association with someone they know. They also have a method to their madness and they play it conservative at the right times. They aren’t going to have some 16 seed topple a 1 seed and they normally clear out the riff-raff by the time the Elite Eight rolls around. Ladies will clear out the 4 and 5 seeds early, so they don’t have to think about them, and it makes it easier to push the 1, 2, or 3 seeds into the Final Four. It’s controlled chaos and it seems to work. So, this year I decided to throw conscious thought out the window and form a bracket that no reasonable person would normally concoct (tourney play is never reasonable anyway, case in point would be George Mason in 2006).
Without going through my whole bracket, I have 6 double digit seeds making it into the second round (only one being a 10 seed), I have 7 seed Butler getting to the Sweet 16, and I have 3 seed Xavier getting to the Final Four. However, there is some conservative picks. The rest of the Final Four is Kansas (1), UNC (1), and Texas (2), with Kansas winning it all. Seven out of eight 1 and 2 seeds are making it to the Sweet 16 (minus Tennessee). I’ve only gotten screwed once so far, with Kentucky losing to Marquette. I realize now that there was conscious thought with that pick, not letting loose and thinking “well, I like the fact Marquette has a Q in its name”.
So, how’s it going to play out? Who knows? I do know I’m last right now in my office pool, so maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Of course, I have to stop thinking about it and hope that a bunch of kids 18-21 are going to win me some scratch and help prove my theory. Either that or smack me down like usual. With that said, let’s all root for Xavier to make it to the Final Four, which will give me some credibility. Not a lot, but some and that’s all I can really hope for.
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