Red Sox Insanity

Unless you live under a rock or part of the “bitter” people referred to by Senator Obama, you’ve heard about this Red Sox jersey that was unearthed in the new Yankee Stadium. The story goes that some construction worker was trying to jinx the Yankees by burying a David Ortiz jersey into the construction of the new stadium. There are just so many things wrong with this; I don’t even know where to begin.

First things first, there is no such thing as jinxes and curses. Anyone who believes the Red Sox were cursed are pathetic losers who helped put Dan Shaughnessy’s ugly kids through college. The reason the Red Sox didn’t win a World Series for 86 years is because they were either beat by better teams in the playoffs or played like absolute shit. You want to know why the Sox lost to the Mets in 1986. It wasn’t because Babe Ruth’s ghost was exacting revenge. It was because Clemens opted out, turning the game over to the weakness of the 1986 Red Sox, the bullpen. I’m sorry but it’s the truth. You can add Gedman’s inability to catch and McNamara’s inability to manage, but if you’re turning the deciding game over to a human sweatbox and a guy whose nickname was “The Steamer”, you have issues. I wouldn’t trust either of those guys to order a pizza, let alone close out the deciding game of the World Series. But I digress.

Second, how does burying a Red Sox jersey jinx or curse the Yankees? Wouldn’t all the concrete poured over it and then setting rip the jersey to shit, thereby immortalizing the tatters of the Red Sox organization for all eternity? Who comes up with this bright idea anyway? You’re going to jinx the Yankees by overpaying for an Ortiz jersey and burying it in the new Yankee Stadium? Was this guy a Rhodes Scholar? If you want to jinx the Yankees, do something useful. You could hire a transvestite hooker to give Jeter a STD. That would work. See, that would be doing something useful, not something pathetic and dumb. Plus, he’s risking his high paying, do nothing union job to pull this off. If this guy is some family’s main source of income, I think a little relocation is in order. Now I hear the Yankees are threatening some sort of legal action. Man, this guy needs to buy a lottery ticket, because everything is going right.

Third, how is this even news? Who cares if some mouth breather buried a jersey into some building? This is considered news to all the people who care about the next thing “Mother of the Year” candidate Britney Spears is doing. I could care less, but some pink-hatted freak who thinks that Varitek is “so cute” is reading every article on this. By the by, the pink-hatted freaks are also the reason I can’t get tickets. Yet the Boston Media picks up on this and writes a bunch of articles and talks about it on sports radio and run news stories about it on TV. And don’t get me started on the New York media. Wasn’t winning the World Series suppose to cure “Red Sox Nation” of there habitual idiocy? If anything, it’s made it worse. It makes every Red Sox fan look sad, pathetic, ungracious, and annoying. I’m none of those things, yet I get lumped in because of this. Not only this, but the coverage of this, where ESPN and local TV go to “the streets” and talk to the unshowered, drunken masses of Boston who say dumb shit and make us all look like we drink PBR and don’t know what soap is (you know, like people from Indianapolis). Of course, most of these people are kids at the fine institutions of higher learning the in the Boston area who are spending mommy and daddy’s money to drink, smoke, and get laid for 4 straight years.

Alright, I have to quit before this turns into more of a nonsensical rant than it already is. I can’t wait to read the new and refreshing twist Bill Simmons is about to put on this. Just thinking about it is giving me a headache.