There are some questions in this world that we may never get answers to. Did Hermione Granger settle for Ron Weasley because she felt she couldn’t get Harry Potter? Why are we here? Does Martha Jones deserve her own “Doctor Who” spin-off? Will athletes ever learn to shut their mouths?
Over the last two days, I’ve seen two quotes from athletes that make me wonder if they actually think before they open their mouths. Two days ago, when Paul Pierce was asked if he thought Kobe Bryant was the best player in the world, he said “I don’t think Kobe is the best player. I’m the best player.” I’m sincerely hoping this was a joke, in the mold of Papelbon saying he deserved to close out the All-Star Game. If you really look at it, it’s arguable that he’s the best player on his team. Even with that said, I would have a problem if Kobe said that Kobe was the best player. It’s mostly because I don’t like the bragging. Let your actions on the court speak for you. Listen, Pierce brought his game to another level in the Finals and deservedly won the Finals MVP. For that series, he was the best player on the planet. However that doesn’t mean that he is the every day greatest player, but let’s leave that argument for another day.
Yesterday, it was yet another episode in the soap opera “It’s Manny being Manny”. Even the Manny apologists are having trouble with this one. While Manny has made his views quite clear that he wants to be traded, during the game last night, he took out a sign that said he should be traded to Green Bay for Brett Favre. I’m not sure if this was a joke, but I can assure you that the fans and media in the area aren’t laughing. He also gave an interview in which he said that the Sox don’t deserve him and that they are trying to run him out of town like they did Pedro and Nomar. To be fair, Nomar ran himself out of town and Pedro sold himself to the highest bidder. Fans and management alike would just love for Manny to shut up and play hard. Instead, we are awaiting the dreaded “knee injury” or “dead relative” to pop up and sideline him for the year. Here’s hoping Jason Bay is playing left field soon and these little stunts affect Manny’s new contract.
This isn’t just a Boston phenomenon. Nearly every athlete in every town has said something stupid. So why does it happen? Is it due to the fact that we, as fans, value there athletic prowess so much that we are willing to apologize for just about any comment? Are owners willing to throw money at them at such an early age that education becomes secondary to the pursuit of millions of dollars? Do athletes themselves crave the limelight so much that they make ridiculous statements to get into the papers and on Sportscenter? Am I making too big a deal about this? The answer to that is inevitably “yes”.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
The Revs, Agent Cody Banks, and Other Thoughts
As you could tell by my last entry, I have become a fast fan of Superliga 2008. So, after the Revs dispatched both Pachuca and Santos, I knew that all that stood between them and the next round was showing up in LA to play Chivas USA. Who knew that actually getting to LA safely would be the big question mark?
I can find this funny, since no one got hurt. Here’s what happened. On the flight out to LA, a man entered the bathroom, only to emerge without his clothes. Upon seeing this, the flight crew asked him to put his clothes back on. Of course, he complied. Then, he decided it was a little stuffy and tried to open the emergency exit….at 30,000 feet. This was when the Revs jumped into action. I think Shalrie Joseph came in with a legal sliding tackle while Steve Ralston came in and tried to slot his head in the upper right corner of the net. I’m not sure what is funnier? Was it the fact that the guy got buck naked, then put his clothes on when asked or was it the fact that the Revs team had to subdue this guy? There is some whacky crap going on. Anyway, after a delay that landed them in Oklahoma City, the Revs were back on their way to LA, where they managed a draw against Chivas to advance.
Here are two updates on defunct British pop groups from the 90’s and early 2000’s. One, I keep seeing ads for the stupid ass “The Singing Office” with Scary Spice and Joey Fatone. I think Scary needs to change her name to Busty Spice. Check out one of the ads sometime. It’s like they are trying to attract lonely guys who don’t get Skin-a-max to watch.
Two, I was recently checking out the BBC America website about the new sci-fi show “Primeval”. I mean, it’s British and sci-fi, it can’t be bad, can it? Of course, every time I say that, I think of “Hex” and a slight chill runs down my spine. But anyway, I saw that cast and thought to myself “hey, that blond looks familiar”. It turned out to be none other than Hannah Spearritt from S Club 7. I always figured “Agent Cody Banks 2” killed her career.
Last week on the train, I saw someone reading one of the pinko commie rags that flourish in this area and noticed a headline in the entertainment section. It said something along the lines that family sitcoms are lacking the laughter. Gee, really? Thanks for the news flash. Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me the sun is going to rise in the east. There hasn’t been a good family sitcom since the 80’s. Everything now just insults my intelligence with predictable storylines and old jokes (followed by the canned laughter). Anyway, no network gears programming toward families. Families aren’t were the money is at. Two words to prove that. Hannah Montana.
You know, most of my updates on this site are me relating to you about something that pisses me off, thereby giving me a constructive outlet in which to vent my anger, instead of bottling it all up then unexpectedly snap and beat someone to death with there cell phones as they blather on incessantly on the train while I’m trying to take a nap. Normally, this works like a charm. However, for some reason, I am still pissed about the ending of “Deathly Hallows”. I just can’t wrap my head around it. It’s like after 5 books, Rowling was just like “Screw it, I’m jamming Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny down everyone’s throat and they’ll like it”. That Harry/Ginny thing really came out of left field. Anyway, I’ve done two things along with my rant to help me out here. One, I ripped out the epilogue, mailed it to Rowling with a note saying “I believe this belongs to you.” Two, I’ve been hanging out at Portkey a little more than is healthy.
I can find this funny, since no one got hurt. Here’s what happened. On the flight out to LA, a man entered the bathroom, only to emerge without his clothes. Upon seeing this, the flight crew asked him to put his clothes back on. Of course, he complied. Then, he decided it was a little stuffy and tried to open the emergency exit….at 30,000 feet. This was when the Revs jumped into action. I think Shalrie Joseph came in with a legal sliding tackle while Steve Ralston came in and tried to slot his head in the upper right corner of the net. I’m not sure what is funnier? Was it the fact that the guy got buck naked, then put his clothes on when asked or was it the fact that the Revs team had to subdue this guy? There is some whacky crap going on. Anyway, after a delay that landed them in Oklahoma City, the Revs were back on their way to LA, where they managed a draw against Chivas to advance.
Here are two updates on defunct British pop groups from the 90’s and early 2000’s. One, I keep seeing ads for the stupid ass “The Singing Office” with Scary Spice and Joey Fatone. I think Scary needs to change her name to Busty Spice. Check out one of the ads sometime. It’s like they are trying to attract lonely guys who don’t get Skin-a-max to watch.
Two, I was recently checking out the BBC America website about the new sci-fi show “Primeval”. I mean, it’s British and sci-fi, it can’t be bad, can it? Of course, every time I say that, I think of “Hex” and a slight chill runs down my spine. But anyway, I saw that cast and thought to myself “hey, that blond looks familiar”. It turned out to be none other than Hannah Spearritt from S Club 7. I always figured “Agent Cody Banks 2” killed her career.
Last week on the train, I saw someone reading one of the pinko commie rags that flourish in this area and noticed a headline in the entertainment section. It said something along the lines that family sitcoms are lacking the laughter. Gee, really? Thanks for the news flash. Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me the sun is going to rise in the east. There hasn’t been a good family sitcom since the 80’s. Everything now just insults my intelligence with predictable storylines and old jokes (followed by the canned laughter). Anyway, no network gears programming toward families. Families aren’t were the money is at. Two words to prove that. Hannah Montana.
You know, most of my updates on this site are me relating to you about something that pisses me off, thereby giving me a constructive outlet in which to vent my anger, instead of bottling it all up then unexpectedly snap and beat someone to death with there cell phones as they blather on incessantly on the train while I’m trying to take a nap. Normally, this works like a charm. However, for some reason, I am still pissed about the ending of “Deathly Hallows”. I just can’t wrap my head around it. It’s like after 5 books, Rowling was just like “Screw it, I’m jamming Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny down everyone’s throat and they’ll like it”. That Harry/Ginny thing really came out of left field. Anyway, I’ve done two things along with my rant to help me out here. One, I ripped out the epilogue, mailed it to Rowling with a note saying “I believe this belongs to you.” Two, I’ve been hanging out at Portkey a little more than is healthy.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Superliga Baby!
For my birthday, the Duchess bought me tickets to the New England Revolution vs. Santos tilt in Superliga on Sunday. God bless her for picking up my subtle hints that I wanted to go to the game (subtle hints like “you know, I would really like to go to the Revs/Santos Superliga matchup for my birthday). The game was full of highlights. Upon the start of the match, I realized something. Once again, I was outnumbered a soccer match. That’s right; I had Santos fans in front of me and behind me. Normally, that would have ranked as my number 1 concern, but I had an older gentleman next to me who decided to have a running commentary of the match. It was like sitting next to John Madden on crack. He even tried to engage me in conversation every once in a while. I was less than pleased.
Anyway, back to the match. To put it mildly, I think the Santos players are also trying out for the Olympics……for diving. I swear I think they teach this south of the border. For one I had a great angle. The guy has the ball, two Revs defenders come to him, and he hits the turf. He was untouched! Of course I yelled “oh get up” after the ref called “play on” and I got glared at by the two Santos fans sitting in front of me. Then, 5 minutes later one of the Santos defenders punched one of the Revs midfielders in the junk and only got a yellow card. As I was wondering if you needed to pistol whip someone to get a red card, another Santos player got frustrated and pulled some shenanigans and got the red. This was almost immediately followed by a Jimmy the Greek-esque racial comment by the old chog sitting next to me. We weren’t even out of the first half and I’ve already seen a red card, a punch to the junk, a glare from opposing fans, and heard a racially insensitive comment. This was shaping up to be the best soccer match ever.
The second half couldn’t live up to the first half. We got to see the only goal from the Revs, which was great (even if Ralston got a cheap assist). I also came to the conclusion that the grand-parents of blond Argentinean striker for Santos probably emigrated to Argentina about 60 years ago from a north central European country that prided itself on blond hair and blue eyes (what do you want, I just finished reading “The Odessa File”). Another highlight was the old chog giving people guff for leaving with 10 minutes to go. He seemed so incensed that people would be leaving during a close match. Let’s just say I was definitely waiting for the final whistle on this one. Once it came, we were outta there with the rest of the crowd.
One more highlight from the game, which I find funny now. I was parked by this massive van that was packed full of Mexican Santos fans. Since I couldn’t see around it, I needed the Duchess to direct me out of the spot, which she did with her usual grace and dignity. As she jumped into the car and I took off, she relayed the fact that a couple of the vans occupants had been hitting on her. I must say a little anger welled up inside of me. Now that I think about it, it’s kinda funny. Of course that was going to happen, she’s hot. But my birthday turned out to be a winner. The Revs won the match and I got the girl. All is right with the world.
Anyway, back to the match. To put it mildly, I think the Santos players are also trying out for the Olympics……for diving. I swear I think they teach this south of the border. For one I had a great angle. The guy has the ball, two Revs defenders come to him, and he hits the turf. He was untouched! Of course I yelled “oh get up” after the ref called “play on” and I got glared at by the two Santos fans sitting in front of me. Then, 5 minutes later one of the Santos defenders punched one of the Revs midfielders in the junk and only got a yellow card. As I was wondering if you needed to pistol whip someone to get a red card, another Santos player got frustrated and pulled some shenanigans and got the red. This was almost immediately followed by a Jimmy the Greek-esque racial comment by the old chog sitting next to me. We weren’t even out of the first half and I’ve already seen a red card, a punch to the junk, a glare from opposing fans, and heard a racially insensitive comment. This was shaping up to be the best soccer match ever.
The second half couldn’t live up to the first half. We got to see the only goal from the Revs, which was great (even if Ralston got a cheap assist). I also came to the conclusion that the grand-parents of blond Argentinean striker for Santos probably emigrated to Argentina about 60 years ago from a north central European country that prided itself on blond hair and blue eyes (what do you want, I just finished reading “The Odessa File”). Another highlight was the old chog giving people guff for leaving with 10 minutes to go. He seemed so incensed that people would be leaving during a close match. Let’s just say I was definitely waiting for the final whistle on this one. Once it came, we were outta there with the rest of the crowd.
One more highlight from the game, which I find funny now. I was parked by this massive van that was packed full of Mexican Santos fans. Since I couldn’t see around it, I needed the Duchess to direct me out of the spot, which she did with her usual grace and dignity. As she jumped into the car and I took off, she relayed the fact that a couple of the vans occupants had been hitting on her. I must say a little anger welled up inside of me. Now that I think about it, it’s kinda funny. Of course that was going to happen, she’s hot. But my birthday turned out to be a winner. The Revs won the match and I got the girl. All is right with the world.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Of Deathly Hallows and Season Finales
After watching the last 20 minutes of “Chamber of Secrets” about 5 different times last weekend on ABC Family, as well as re-reading choice sections of “Goblets of Fire”, I am left with one lingering question. What the hell was JK Rowling smoking when she wrote the epilogue to “Deathly Hallows”? I have two major qualms with it.
One, JK created a world of imagination for multiple generations to enjoy. From the littlest kid to the oldest man, everyone pretty much found enjoyment in the world she created. By fast forwarding the story close to two decades, we lost that world. Sure, it was hers to begin with and if she wanted closure then fine, but what about us? There were choices made by the characters in that book that I disagreed with (my number two qualm), but I could overlook them because I could envision to the world was to be after she stopped writing. I mean, if you wanted Harry to get knifed in Knockturn Alley looking for a magical prostitute one year after the major battle, you could make that happen in your imagination. However, that luxury was taken from me and others and cemented her version of that world, taking away our imaginative thoughts. Again, she has every right to do it, but I feel the books were less about her and more about the world she created for us all. My thought, write an epilogue, but make it like 6 months later or something. You know, Hogwarts is rebuilt; funerals and mourning time have past, and the trio looks to the future, secured in the bond they’ve created over the past 7 years.
My second qualm was with the pairing at the end. First, I didn’t like how quick and tidy it was. Ginny’s with Harry, Hermione’s with Ron, and Bob’s your uncle. I mean, come on. Hermione and Ron? Seriously? Next thing you’ll tell me is that Bin Laden is engaged to Barbara Bush. This would never work. Nothing in the first 5 books makes me believe it (of course, they practically rammed it down our throats in book 6), especially “Goblet’s of Fire”, which is a purely Harry/Hermione book.
This brings us to Ginny and Harry. You’re telling me that the Boy Who Lived and defeated the most powerful Dark Wizard ever is going to settle down with the whore of Gryffindor? She is like the village bicycle. She doesn’t even make my top 5 girls who would be good for Harry. 1) Hermione 2) Luna (yeah, she’s crazy) 3) Cho Chang (she annoys me) 4) Fleur Delacour (yeah, you read that right) 5) Hermione (again!!!). There’s the list. So, if I had my way (which I don’t), it would be Harry and Hermione, Ron and Luna, and Ginny off shagging Dean Thomas or something.
Anyway, a short recap of season finales I found good, bad, and mediocre. I was very pleased with “Lost”. We found out how the Oceanic 6 got home, why the rest weren’t there, and that Desmond and Penny had a happy ending (for now). The island disappearing was classic. The one thing that was “iffy” was that Locke was in the casket. A retarded monkey could have figured that one out. Also, I was pleased with the finale of “Supernatural”. They had ability to cop out on Dean going to hell, but said “screw it” and sent him there. Plus, they killed off Bella and sent Ruby away. Ballsy move, but needed to happen before they overstayed there welcome.
The finale of “Smallville” was atrocious. It was like the producers were thinking “I wonder if the network will fire us, even though we quit”. Plus, the CG at the end in the Fortress was horrible. I could have found a blind 10 year old with a computer with Windows 3.1 to do a better job. The Duchess was walking through the room as I was watching and literally laughed out loud. That’s not the reaction you want. It’s sad when you’re getting more laughed from the dramatic moment at the end then most comedy shows get all year.
I found the mid-season finale of “Battlestar Galactica” to be mediocre. I guess it got so built up that I was figuring there would be something more. It was cool when the crew found out who the Colonial 4 were. The look on Starbuck’s face was priceless. Yeah, the found earth, but it was kind of anti-climatic. It’s a barren wasteland, so now the search starts for what happened to the inhabitants and what happened to Earth. I’m telling you right now, this better not be some allegory about global warming, or I’m going to start swinging. A nuclear destruction storyline would only be cool if the ghost of Charlton Heston showed up and said “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”
One, JK created a world of imagination for multiple generations to enjoy. From the littlest kid to the oldest man, everyone pretty much found enjoyment in the world she created. By fast forwarding the story close to two decades, we lost that world. Sure, it was hers to begin with and if she wanted closure then fine, but what about us? There were choices made by the characters in that book that I disagreed with (my number two qualm), but I could overlook them because I could envision to the world was to be after she stopped writing. I mean, if you wanted Harry to get knifed in Knockturn Alley looking for a magical prostitute one year after the major battle, you could make that happen in your imagination. However, that luxury was taken from me and others and cemented her version of that world, taking away our imaginative thoughts. Again, she has every right to do it, but I feel the books were less about her and more about the world she created for us all. My thought, write an epilogue, but make it like 6 months later or something. You know, Hogwarts is rebuilt; funerals and mourning time have past, and the trio looks to the future, secured in the bond they’ve created over the past 7 years.
My second qualm was with the pairing at the end. First, I didn’t like how quick and tidy it was. Ginny’s with Harry, Hermione’s with Ron, and Bob’s your uncle. I mean, come on. Hermione and Ron? Seriously? Next thing you’ll tell me is that Bin Laden is engaged to Barbara Bush. This would never work. Nothing in the first 5 books makes me believe it (of course, they practically rammed it down our throats in book 6), especially “Goblet’s of Fire”, which is a purely Harry/Hermione book.
This brings us to Ginny and Harry. You’re telling me that the Boy Who Lived and defeated the most powerful Dark Wizard ever is going to settle down with the whore of Gryffindor? She is like the village bicycle. She doesn’t even make my top 5 girls who would be good for Harry. 1) Hermione 2) Luna (yeah, she’s crazy) 3) Cho Chang (she annoys me) 4) Fleur Delacour (yeah, you read that right) 5) Hermione (again!!!). There’s the list. So, if I had my way (which I don’t), it would be Harry and Hermione, Ron and Luna, and Ginny off shagging Dean Thomas or something.
Anyway, a short recap of season finales I found good, bad, and mediocre. I was very pleased with “Lost”. We found out how the Oceanic 6 got home, why the rest weren’t there, and that Desmond and Penny had a happy ending (for now). The island disappearing was classic. The one thing that was “iffy” was that Locke was in the casket. A retarded monkey could have figured that one out. Also, I was pleased with the finale of “Supernatural”. They had ability to cop out on Dean going to hell, but said “screw it” and sent him there. Plus, they killed off Bella and sent Ruby away. Ballsy move, but needed to happen before they overstayed there welcome.
The finale of “Smallville” was atrocious. It was like the producers were thinking “I wonder if the network will fire us, even though we quit”. Plus, the CG at the end in the Fortress was horrible. I could have found a blind 10 year old with a computer with Windows 3.1 to do a better job. The Duchess was walking through the room as I was watching and literally laughed out loud. That’s not the reaction you want. It’s sad when you’re getting more laughed from the dramatic moment at the end then most comedy shows get all year.
I found the mid-season finale of “Battlestar Galactica” to be mediocre. I guess it got so built up that I was figuring there would be something more. It was cool when the crew found out who the Colonial 4 were. The look on Starbuck’s face was priceless. Yeah, the found earth, but it was kind of anti-climatic. It’s a barren wasteland, so now the search starts for what happened to the inhabitants and what happened to Earth. I’m telling you right now, this better not be some allegory about global warming, or I’m going to start swinging. A nuclear destruction storyline would only be cool if the ghost of Charlton Heston showed up and said “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Championships, Drunken Riots, and Other Thoughts
I know I haven’t written since before the NBA Finals, which once again proves my point about how long it is. Let’s just say I’ve been a little lazy lately. This means that you, my faithful readers, have suffered. So, let’s get this ball rolling with some random thoughts about the past week or so.
I watched a little bit of the NBA Finals. Yes, it drew me in and it does make me a bandwagon jumper. Anyway, I thought the Celtics did exactly what they needed to do and I sincerely believe no one was beating them. The officiating was horrible, but I guess that’s just par for the course. In Game 6, I sincerely believe Rajon Rando was on coke. The guy was flying all over the court and attacking the basket. Those are things you need to do, especially against a soft defensive team like the Lakers.
While making Boston “Title Town USA” for this decade, the Celtics victory also brought out the "idiots". I don’t understand the “idiots”. You know, the college kids and drunks who want to use the victory as a chance to riot, destroy property, and have to answer “yes” to the question “Have you ever been convicted of a crime” on job application forms. Seriously, what is the point of these mouth-breathing, inbred, drunken hooligan’s destroying property and getting in fights? Is this cool? Don’t people have better things to do? Have I suddenly morphed into my father? The answers are respectively “no”, “no”, and “please God no”.
Am I the only one looking forward to college football? Seriously, baseball in June is for the hardcore. The beginning of the season is fun because you’ve been without baseball for so long. The end of the season is fun because the pennant race is heating up. The middle of the season is just dragging it out. Unfortunately, it’s either watch baseball, golf, NASCAR, or the paint drying channel. I mean, I could always spend quality time with my girlfriend, but come on. Anyway, I want college football to come back and soon before baseball drives me to drink….more. It’s going to be fun watching all the classic tales play out. Like Ohio State will be overrated and overhyped, until they either buckle in a game they should win or ride the wave all the way to the BCS Championship Game where they will be blown out of the water by a vastly superior team and everyone will admonish themselves for picking them, then repeat the same vicious cycle. Plus, you always have one conference that is horrible but everyone says is “so tough” (read: Big 12) and one conference that everyone says is soft but is actually exciting to watch because of parity (read: ACC). I’m getting giddy just thinking about it.
I watched the premiere of “Wipeout” on ABC last night. Normally, I don’t like to shill for anything on ABC/ESPN that doesn’t involve Erin Andrews, but I’m making an exception in this case. This is more of a sport than a TV show. Basically, it’s “American Gladiators” without the gladiators. It actually seems like it takes a certain level of athleticism to get through it, not to mention a very low shame level. The finals were made up of a loud-mouth, a rookie cop, a dancer, and a “go-go dancer”. It was all good fun, but led me to one very important question. When did “go-go dancer” become a euphemism for stripper? I thought we all agreed it was “exotic dancer”. Oh well, live and learn.
I watched a little bit of the NBA Finals. Yes, it drew me in and it does make me a bandwagon jumper. Anyway, I thought the Celtics did exactly what they needed to do and I sincerely believe no one was beating them. The officiating was horrible, but I guess that’s just par for the course. In Game 6, I sincerely believe Rajon Rando was on coke. The guy was flying all over the court and attacking the basket. Those are things you need to do, especially against a soft defensive team like the Lakers.
While making Boston “Title Town USA” for this decade, the Celtics victory also brought out the "idiots". I don’t understand the “idiots”. You know, the college kids and drunks who want to use the victory as a chance to riot, destroy property, and have to answer “yes” to the question “Have you ever been convicted of a crime” on job application forms. Seriously, what is the point of these mouth-breathing, inbred, drunken hooligan’s destroying property and getting in fights? Is this cool? Don’t people have better things to do? Have I suddenly morphed into my father? The answers are respectively “no”, “no”, and “please God no”.
Am I the only one looking forward to college football? Seriously, baseball in June is for the hardcore. The beginning of the season is fun because you’ve been without baseball for so long. The end of the season is fun because the pennant race is heating up. The middle of the season is just dragging it out. Unfortunately, it’s either watch baseball, golf, NASCAR, or the paint drying channel. I mean, I could always spend quality time with my girlfriend, but come on. Anyway, I want college football to come back and soon before baseball drives me to drink….more. It’s going to be fun watching all the classic tales play out. Like Ohio State will be overrated and overhyped, until they either buckle in a game they should win or ride the wave all the way to the BCS Championship Game where they will be blown out of the water by a vastly superior team and everyone will admonish themselves for picking them, then repeat the same vicious cycle. Plus, you always have one conference that is horrible but everyone says is “so tough” (read: Big 12) and one conference that everyone says is soft but is actually exciting to watch because of parity (read: ACC). I’m getting giddy just thinking about it.
I watched the premiere of “Wipeout” on ABC last night. Normally, I don’t like to shill for anything on ABC/ESPN that doesn’t involve Erin Andrews, but I’m making an exception in this case. This is more of a sport than a TV show. Basically, it’s “American Gladiators” without the gladiators. It actually seems like it takes a certain level of athleticism to get through it, not to mention a very low shame level. The finals were made up of a loud-mouth, a rookie cop, a dancer, and a “go-go dancer”. It was all good fun, but led me to one very important question. When did “go-go dancer” become a euphemism for stripper? I thought we all agreed it was “exotic dancer”. Oh well, live and learn.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The Playoffs That Never End
There are things in this world that we need more of and things we need less of. We need more Desmond/Penny moments on “Lost”, striker options for the US Men’s National Soccer Team, episodes of “Doctor Who” with Martha Jones, and quality middle relief in baseball. We need less of TMZ, athletes with “off the field issues”, reality TV, and the NBA Playoffs.
With the NBA Finals descending upon us, I have but one thought. Thank God. This feels less like a playoff and more like an endurance test. Granted, I don’t watch the NBA, so I’m not sure who it’s been tougher on. On one side, you have the fans, who have to stay up late watching these games and then wait days on end for the next game. On the other side, you have the non-NBA sports fans, who have to wade through websites and TV shows that cover the playoffs like it was the Second Coming before finding out the score of Red Sox/A’s game.
Now, I realize that every sport needs a playoff (except college football for some insane reason), but can’t we shorten this up. It feels like it’s been going on since Christmas. At this point, they’ve exhausted just about every story angle. I feel that tomorrow I’m going to turn on ESPN and see a story about the Celtics ball-boy or some Laker Girl who got hooked on smack but finally found God. How about a best of 5 series in the first round, tighten up the days off, and get rid of the horrid 2-2-1-1-1 format? This is something we can all agree on, right?
Am I rehashing arguments that non-baseball fans have about the MLB Playoffs and non-football fans have about the NFL playoffs? Probably, but even NBA fans have to grate a little about the length of the playoffs. In a country of “I want everything 5 minutes ago”, how can these keep anyone’s attention? I think you either need to be a passionate fan, stoned, or lost the remote in order to sit through the weeks and months on end that the NBA Playoffs have lasted. For everyone’s sake, I hope it’s the first option.
With the NBA Finals descending upon us, I have but one thought. Thank God. This feels less like a playoff and more like an endurance test. Granted, I don’t watch the NBA, so I’m not sure who it’s been tougher on. On one side, you have the fans, who have to stay up late watching these games and then wait days on end for the next game. On the other side, you have the non-NBA sports fans, who have to wade through websites and TV shows that cover the playoffs like it was the Second Coming before finding out the score of Red Sox/A’s game.
Now, I realize that every sport needs a playoff (except college football for some insane reason), but can’t we shorten this up. It feels like it’s been going on since Christmas. At this point, they’ve exhausted just about every story angle. I feel that tomorrow I’m going to turn on ESPN and see a story about the Celtics ball-boy or some Laker Girl who got hooked on smack but finally found God. How about a best of 5 series in the first round, tighten up the days off, and get rid of the horrid 2-2-1-1-1 format? This is something we can all agree on, right?
Am I rehashing arguments that non-baseball fans have about the MLB Playoffs and non-football fans have about the NFL playoffs? Probably, but even NBA fans have to grate a little about the length of the playoffs. In a country of “I want everything 5 minutes ago”, how can these keep anyone’s attention? I think you either need to be a passionate fan, stoned, or lost the remote in order to sit through the weeks and months on end that the NBA Playoffs have lasted. For everyone’s sake, I hope it’s the first option.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Chelsea Fans, This Is For You
One of the drawbacks of being a working stiff like me is the fact that you can watch high class sporting events that take place during the normal work day. Such was the case with the epic Man U/Chelsea grudge match the other day. One of my friends kept me informed throughout with profanity laced tirades whenever Man U failed to convert or if Chelsea did convert. When he told me that the game was going to penalty kicks (probably the most cruel and arbitrary way to end a sporting event), I knew one thing for sure, the fans of the losing team was going to feel gut punched. While I do not share their pain over this lose, I feel I should do something. So, in honor of all the Chelsea fans out there, I’m going to give you my top 5 worst sporting event memories. Anyone else can feel free to join in to show support to our Chelsea loving brothers and sisters.
5) 1998 NBA Finals, Game 6, Chicago at Utah – I don’t watch the NBA anymore, but back in the mid to late 90’s, I loved it. I was a particularly big fan of the Utah Jazz (I have no idea why). So, when Utah regained home court advantage by beating the Bulls in Chicago in Game 5, I felt pretty good. With the Jazz up by 3 with less than a minute left, I felt really good. Then it all came apart. Jordan makes a layup to cut the lead to one, and then steals the pass from Stockton to Malone. With the ball for the last shot, Jordan throws defender Byron Russell to the floor to create an open shot, which he makes. No foul, since he’s the best playing in the league and Russell is some nobody. Let’s just say I was screaming colorful obscenities at the TV for many minutes.
4) UEFA Euro 2004 – Group B – France vs. England – I’m kind of strange when it comes to soccer. While I have no national allegiance to either team, I am a really big fan of the English National Team and completely despise France, so I knew this game had the opportunity to hurt. Things were going fine, nice flow to the match, and Lampard got a goal in the 38th minute to put England up 1-0. Good times. Then England decided to play not to lose and that always works out well. England was on the ropes most of the match after that, but kept France out of the net. It was all good until stoppage time, when Zinedine Zidane made not one, but two stoppage time goals (91st and 93rd minute), leaving England fans confused, distraught, and angry. Well, more so than normal.
3) Super Bowl XX – Patriots vs. Bears – This would be higher, but I was young and didn’t know any better. Basically, you have the nearly unbeatable Chicago Bears against the plucky New England Patriots. Everyone knew the Bears were going to win, except delusional Patriots fans. The Bears even performed “The Super Bowl Shuffle” prior to actually playing the game. The game, for Pats fans, was an utter debacle. Turnovers, sacks, negative offense plays, and even a safety typified the Patriots offense that day. The 36 point blowout left a young Trent Lane wondering where is all went wrong.
2) 1994 World Cup – Second Round – USA vs. Brazil – My father had always tried to get me interested in soccer, but I found it boring and confusing. However, when the 1994 World Cup game to country, I finally understood it and loved it, especially the shocking US victory against Columbia. The second round match featured the upstart American squad against the powerhouse that was Brazil. As a relatively new fan, I had high hopes. Those hopes exploded at the same time as Tab Ramos cheekbone. It’s late in the first half, and the US team is hanging around, harassing Brazil. Then, while Ramos is harassing Leonardo, he unleashed a vicious elbow that dropped Ramos like a sack of potatoes. Leonardo got the red card, but the damage was done. As I watched the main offensive weapon of the US get taken off the field, I knew it was only a matter of time. That time was the 72nd minute, when Brazil finally got the only goal of the game. The game instilled a deep loathing for the Brazilian team in my heart.
1) 2003 ALCS – Game 7 – Red Sox at Yankees – I’m not going to rehash this because then I might start sounding like Bill Simmons, and nobody wants that. All I will say is that Pedro should have never come back out in the 8th. After the game, I was staring blankly at the TV, wondering how defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory. I wondered around the next day a little dazed, a little hallow, and a lot angry. Probably like Chelsea fans feel right now.
Sorry guys, its tough, but we’ve all been there. Buck up, you’ll get through it.
5) 1998 NBA Finals, Game 6, Chicago at Utah – I don’t watch the NBA anymore, but back in the mid to late 90’s, I loved it. I was a particularly big fan of the Utah Jazz (I have no idea why). So, when Utah regained home court advantage by beating the Bulls in Chicago in Game 5, I felt pretty good. With the Jazz up by 3 with less than a minute left, I felt really good. Then it all came apart. Jordan makes a layup to cut the lead to one, and then steals the pass from Stockton to Malone. With the ball for the last shot, Jordan throws defender Byron Russell to the floor to create an open shot, which he makes. No foul, since he’s the best playing in the league and Russell is some nobody. Let’s just say I was screaming colorful obscenities at the TV for many minutes.
4) UEFA Euro 2004 – Group B – France vs. England – I’m kind of strange when it comes to soccer. While I have no national allegiance to either team, I am a really big fan of the English National Team and completely despise France, so I knew this game had the opportunity to hurt. Things were going fine, nice flow to the match, and Lampard got a goal in the 38th minute to put England up 1-0. Good times. Then England decided to play not to lose and that always works out well. England was on the ropes most of the match after that, but kept France out of the net. It was all good until stoppage time, when Zinedine Zidane made not one, but two stoppage time goals (91st and 93rd minute), leaving England fans confused, distraught, and angry. Well, more so than normal.
3) Super Bowl XX – Patriots vs. Bears – This would be higher, but I was young and didn’t know any better. Basically, you have the nearly unbeatable Chicago Bears against the plucky New England Patriots. Everyone knew the Bears were going to win, except delusional Patriots fans. The Bears even performed “The Super Bowl Shuffle” prior to actually playing the game. The game, for Pats fans, was an utter debacle. Turnovers, sacks, negative offense plays, and even a safety typified the Patriots offense that day. The 36 point blowout left a young Trent Lane wondering where is all went wrong.
2) 1994 World Cup – Second Round – USA vs. Brazil – My father had always tried to get me interested in soccer, but I found it boring and confusing. However, when the 1994 World Cup game to country, I finally understood it and loved it, especially the shocking US victory against Columbia. The second round match featured the upstart American squad against the powerhouse that was Brazil. As a relatively new fan, I had high hopes. Those hopes exploded at the same time as Tab Ramos cheekbone. It’s late in the first half, and the US team is hanging around, harassing Brazil. Then, while Ramos is harassing Leonardo, he unleashed a vicious elbow that dropped Ramos like a sack of potatoes. Leonardo got the red card, but the damage was done. As I watched the main offensive weapon of the US get taken off the field, I knew it was only a matter of time. That time was the 72nd minute, when Brazil finally got the only goal of the game. The game instilled a deep loathing for the Brazilian team in my heart.
1) 2003 ALCS – Game 7 – Red Sox at Yankees – I’m not going to rehash this because then I might start sounding like Bill Simmons, and nobody wants that. All I will say is that Pedro should have never come back out in the 8th. After the game, I was staring blankly at the TV, wondering how defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory. I wondered around the next day a little dazed, a little hallow, and a lot angry. Probably like Chelsea fans feel right now.
Sorry guys, its tough, but we’ve all been there. Buck up, you’ll get through it.
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