Of Deathly Hallows and Season Finales

After watching the last 20 minutes of “Chamber of Secrets” about 5 different times last weekend on ABC Family, as well as re-reading choice sections of “Goblets of Fire”, I am left with one lingering question. What the hell was JK Rowling smoking when she wrote the epilogue to “Deathly Hallows”? I have two major qualms with it.

One, JK created a world of imagination for multiple generations to enjoy. From the littlest kid to the oldest man, everyone pretty much found enjoyment in the world she created. By fast forwarding the story close to two decades, we lost that world. Sure, it was hers to begin with and if she wanted closure then fine, but what about us? There were choices made by the characters in that book that I disagreed with (my number two qualm), but I could overlook them because I could envision to the world was to be after she stopped writing. I mean, if you wanted Harry to get knifed in Knockturn Alley looking for a magical prostitute one year after the major battle, you could make that happen in your imagination. However, that luxury was taken from me and others and cemented her version of that world, taking away our imaginative thoughts. Again, she has every right to do it, but I feel the books were less about her and more about the world she created for us all. My thought, write an epilogue, but make it like 6 months later or something. You know, Hogwarts is rebuilt; funerals and mourning time have past, and the trio looks to the future, secured in the bond they’ve created over the past 7 years.

My second qualm was with the pairing at the end. First, I didn’t like how quick and tidy it was. Ginny’s with Harry, Hermione’s with Ron, and Bob’s your uncle. I mean, come on. Hermione and Ron? Seriously? Next thing you’ll tell me is that Bin Laden is engaged to Barbara Bush. This would never work. Nothing in the first 5 books makes me believe it (of course, they practically rammed it down our throats in book 6), especially “Goblet’s of Fire”, which is a purely Harry/Hermione book.

This brings us to Ginny and Harry. You’re telling me that the Boy Who Lived and defeated the most powerful Dark Wizard ever is going to settle down with the whore of Gryffindor? She is like the village bicycle. She doesn’t even make my top 5 girls who would be good for Harry. 1) Hermione 2) Luna (yeah, she’s crazy) 3) Cho Chang (she annoys me) 4) Fleur Delacour (yeah, you read that right) 5) Hermione (again!!!). There’s the list. So, if I had my way (which I don’t), it would be Harry and Hermione, Ron and Luna, and Ginny off shagging Dean Thomas or something.

Anyway, a short recap of season finales I found good, bad, and mediocre. I was very pleased with “Lost”. We found out how the Oceanic 6 got home, why the rest weren’t there, and that Desmond and Penny had a happy ending (for now). The island disappearing was classic. The one thing that was “iffy” was that Locke was in the casket. A retarded monkey could have figured that one out. Also, I was pleased with the finale of “Supernatural”. They had ability to cop out on Dean going to hell, but said “screw it” and sent him there. Plus, they killed off Bella and sent Ruby away. Ballsy move, but needed to happen before they overstayed there welcome.

The finale of “Smallville” was atrocious. It was like the producers were thinking “I wonder if the network will fire us, even though we quit”. Plus, the CG at the end in the Fortress was horrible. I could have found a blind 10 year old with a computer with Windows 3.1 to do a better job. The Duchess was walking through the room as I was watching and literally laughed out loud. That’s not the reaction you want. It’s sad when you’re getting more laughed from the dramatic moment at the end then most comedy shows get all year.

I found the mid-season finale of “Battlestar Galactica” to be mediocre. I guess it got so built up that I was figuring there would be something more. It was cool when the crew found out who the Colonial 4 were. The look on Starbuck’s face was priceless. Yeah, the found earth, but it was kind of anti-climatic. It’s a barren wasteland, so now the search starts for what happened to the inhabitants and what happened to Earth. I’m telling you right now, this better not be some allegory about global warming, or I’m going to start swinging. A nuclear destruction storyline would only be cool if the ghost of Charlton Heston showed up and said “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”