State Street Bank and the Commuter Rail

Just because I want to obliterate any chance of me going all Ray Pruit on the Duchess, I’m going to use this blog as I have never used it before. I’m going to bitch about two things that piss me off. If you have ever lived in Massachusetts, you’ll sympathize with me. If you ever think about moving to Massachusetts, read and be warned.

1) State Street Bank and Trust

Many of you have heard me refer to my past employer as a heartless, soul-sucking company. Well, that company was State Street Bank and Trust (SSB for the rest of the column). I thank God a little more each day that I no longer work there. Due to the current economic crisis, SSB took a hit. As people I care for still work there, I can’t be too happy about their problems. But here is some info you need to know for my rant to make sense.

SSB recently received $2 Billion (with a B) from the federal government as part of that pseudo-socialist “bailout” package. They also announced that they would be laying off about 1300 people. That goes along with the announcement that there would be no raises or bonuses this year. Good times.

For those of you who don’t know, the CEO of SSB (I believe he is one of the Devil’s minions, but I can’t be sure) is the second highest paid CEO in the state of Massachusetts. In the past, he has gotten those extravagant bonuses while the peons (like myself at one point) got the shaft. However, with the announcement of no bonuses and with the federal government watching closely, he, too, was going to get boned.

So the question became “what to do”? You can’t piss off the Devil’s minion. How do you give your CEO a disgusting bonus, without the federal government jumping all over them, and completely screwing over your workers (which I believe is in the mission statement of the company)? Then, as if a light went off in some loathsome, heartless pencil pusher, the answer appeared. A dividend.

See, along with all the cash they throw at the Devil’s minion, they also throw stock at him. They basically backdoored their way into giving him a bonus by throwing dividend money at him. Now, I realize that dividends should be paid, but to do so with federal money (your tax dollars at work), while laying off employees and screwing the one’s you kept is horrible. Welcome to life at one of Massachusetts’s biggest employers.

2) The Commuter Rail

The easiest way to get to work by many who live outside of Boston and don’t feel like becoming a statist in road rage numbers is by taking the ever delightful commuter rail. For those of you who have never taken this mode of transportation, I would rank it as a few steps above an Indian Railway. Basically, it’s overpriced, cramped, dilapidated, and erratic. Each morning, it’s a gamble as to whether it will show up on time (or at all) and in what condition (say what you want about fascist dictators, at least they made the trains run on time).

The best is that you can reasonably predict what’s going to happen. On hot days, you know the air conditioner will not work. On cold days, you know the train will be late and the heat won’t work (or, conversely, that it will be jacked to 150 degrees). On rainy or snowy days, you know it will be late. Along with these, you get the times the power goes out completely and you’re sitting in complete darkness. Of course, there was the time this summer when the ass-face conductors where making trains deliberately late to get the administration of the MBTA to the bargaining table.

Plus, let’s talk about the seating. For one thing, they almost never provide the correct number of cars to reasonably fit all the people. Along with that, the seats are all meant for people who are 100 pounds and are no taller than 5’3”. This means you are crammed into a seat with the other helpless dregs. This brings me to the helpless dregs.

I seriously did not know that there were this many mouth-breathers in this state (but seeing who our political representation is, it all seems to make sense). You get the people who want to talk to you. You get the people who talk way too loud on their cell phones about the most personal stuff. You get the just plain surly. You get the people who are just plain annoying. I feel sorry for all the females out there. But the Duchess feels your pain. When she takes the train, some fat slob will always sit next to her, cramming her in her seat. Of course, there are other seats around that will fit his huge ass, but then he wouldn’t get to sit next to a pretty girl who isn’t from one of his comic books. See, with a real girl, you might be able to talk them into going with you to your mother’s basement.

And the MBTA keeps raising my rates of this! It’s not like they provide me with anything they didn’t before. Just run it on time, I’ll be happy then. But they won’t. They’ll just keep jacking the price and providing me with shitty service. Isn’t there some sort of law against monopolies in this country? Instead of fighting Microsoft, go after this organization. Microsoft isn’t hurting anyone, the commuter rail is. It’s making it look like I don’t want to get into work on time. I mean, I don’t want to, but if I’m late, I want to be in bed, not stuck on some shitty train.