When is Tone Loc going to release new music?
I noticed a few years ago that Snow released a Best Of album. Why would anyone want to buy a blank CD with the picture of a white rapper on the cover?
Now that the writer’s strike is over, how long is it going to take the extra money in writer’s contracts to offset the loss of salary from the strike? When will the writers see the economic benefit or is that a question we shouldn’t ask?
Okay, Clemens asserts that he has not taken steroids. Now, if he had just kept his gob shut, this might have blown over, but he had to make a big stink about it. So, instead of it just being one blowhard with a grudge in a report that has no legal basis, this has all blown up in Clemens face. His best friend admits to taking HGH, and says that Clemens talked to him about taking steroids, only to recant the conversation 2 years ago. Clemens defense for all this? He was misunderstood. Um, okay. His trainer (the blowhard with a grudge) can produce gauze pads and syringes with Clemens DNA. He has also said he provided Clemens wife with steroids to help her tone up for a SI photo. As the evidence mounts, the only guy in Clemens corner who is not related to him or being paid by him is Jose Canseco. That’s not exactly a good thing. If he had just stayed quiet, a lot of people would have probably just chalked it up to one trainer trying to get a reduced sentence. Now, no one believes this guy except his apologists (like Tim Kurkjian from ESPN) and people on his payroll. Actually, does his lawyer actually believe this crap?
While watching “Family Guy” reruns at night, I keep getting bombarded with ads for the Monster Truck rally in Providence (tickets still available!!!). It gives guys who would normally like this sort of thing the two things that will get them to go, cars getting crushed and slutty chicks. What more would a mouth breather want? The chicks are sketchy too. They keep showing the same two. The first one has bleached blond hair and funbags that enter a room 5 seconds before she does. The second one looks like if you offered her $50, she would perform a Lewinsky on you. I think these were the only two who made the cut, and it must have been tough to find them in the sea of toothless hags and girls from Indianapolis.
I was reading that people are all up in arms that Miley Cyrus wasn’t wearing a seatbelt in her “movie”. One, I’m more worried about this girl taking over the world than her safety precautions. Two, who gives a flying fuck! Seriously, is any tween girl going to see this and be like “hey, Hannah Montana doesn’t wear a seatbelt, neither will I.”? If any girl thought that, she definitely deserves to be catapulted out the windshield. I think the bigger worry should be WHY WOULD SOMEONE PAY FOR SOMETHING THEY CAN SEE ON DISNEY CHANNEL!!!!! Where do these kids get their disposable income?
Bruce Jenner has failed the first rule of raising a daughter. Unfortunately, I fell victim to “mouth breather-ness” a couple of weeks ago when flipping through the channels and happened upon the fifth circle of hell, also know as the “reality” show “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”. If I explained the concept to you, my brain would probably explode so let’s get to the good stuff. Bruce has been married a few times before his current wife and has a few boys to his credit. His wife was married to high priced LA attorney Robert Kardashian, whose claim to fame before he died was making murder legal for former football players. Now Bruce has three step-daughters and two kids of his own with his current wife. His step-daughters are all “models” (read: whores). So anyway, Bruce’s wife gets a call from some sleaze bag who wants to hire the girls to pimp his line of bathing suits or something, so Mom does the right thing and lies Bruce about it, because he doesn’t want his step-daughters to be perceived as whores (too late). So, they go off to Mexico or something and leave Bruce at home with his two younger daughters (probably like 10 and 12). However, Bruce catches wind of the lie and decides to go to Mexico and set some shit straight, so he calls up one of his older son’s to come and look after the kids. Anyway, while there, the son invites one of his idiot friends over and the little girls are running all over the place. They find a stripper pole in one of the bedrooms (what girl has a stripper pole in their bedroom? That’s reserved for football players and rappers). The young girls than proceed to practice their stripper moves, all the while being video taped by the son’s idiot friend (who is probably in his early 20’s). Let me put this plainly, an early 20’s guy is taping two girls, ages 10 and 12, practicing stripper moves on a stripper pole. Anyway, as disgusting as this is, Bruce Jenner failed the first rule of raising a daughter, which is, KEEP HER OFF THE POLE AT ALL COSTS. Bruce should have to turn in all the gold medals he won for this country in the Olympics for letting this happen. It’s bad enough if your girls become strippers, but letting the nation know about it by watching a horrible TV is beyond the pale. There is no reasonable excuse for this. Of course, there is no reasonable excuse for me watching this drivel, but that’s beside the point.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Strike Busting
Word on the street is that the writer’s strike is coming to an end. Now, no deal has been finalized, but I will say that if the production company’s gave a lot of ground, I will be shocked. Remember what I said earlier, these rich old guys got to be rich old guys by not giving money away. Plus, production companies and networks are getting by on re-runs, busted pilots, and reality TV. Look at FOX, they are getting the sheep to tune in for a reality show where you strap degenerates into a lie detector test and ask them crap like “have you ever gambled away your child’s college fund?” Where do you find people where this would be a tough question to answer? I mean, besides New York. While I’m happy that the strike is possibly nearing an end there are some drawbacks, which I will detail here (in popular list format):
1) The Lowest Common Denominator Factor – Basically, we won’t get to figure out just how far the reality shows will get. The one listed above is pretty much the barometer for how low the networks can go (I don’t count the crap they put on MTV, VH1, E! Entertainment, and a possible lesbian dating show on Logo (I just made that up and I’m sure I could get 5 million viewers)). I mean, think about the amount of people you could get to watch a show about a widowed Amish father of 3 marrying a crack whore from LA. Imagine the intrigue. For sweeps, you could have “Destiny” get her AIDS results in or you could have her trying to inject churned butter into her veins. I just want to know how scummy the networks will get.
2) The Overseas Factor – The return of network TV (and crap like “ER”) means that we won’t get cool shows from BBC or CTV on our airways. I mean, imagine if the CW started showing reruns of “Edgemont” or if CBS put on “MI-5” or even if the networks started development deals with BBC. The quality of programming would vastly increase. Of course, the drawback is people might have to start to think, and we wouldn’t want that.
3) The Starving Writer’s Factor – This was the best running subplot during this whole strike. I was wondering when your poor struggling writer was going to figure he couldn’t survive on Romen anymore and started writing again. Plus, with production companies laying off non-writers because of the strike, the writers were become the most hated union strikers since……well, no one likes union strikers.
4) The What Will They Put on Next Factor – Sort of goes hand in hand with my number 1, except you also get some scripted crap in there too. FOX was all ready to pull a “Manchester Prep” and pretend like “New Amsterdam” never existed. All of a sudden, we get a writers strike, and the idea of an immortal NYC cop who needs to find true love to become mortal doesn’t sound so bad. I love it when networks burn off crap pilots, for two reasons. One, you get to see something that networks actually don’t want to put on the air (and think of the crap they do put on the air). Two, you can almost hear the exec’s rooting for it to fail, but not too miserably since they need the ad revenues.
5) The DVR Factor – Thanks to the writer’s strike and all the crap they put on TV, I get a chance to clear out my DVR. Right now, I’m in the middle of “Heroes”. Yeah, I know it finished months ago, but I’m finally getting around to it now, because I have an abundance of time. An off-shoot of this is the “DVD Factor”, in which I get to watch stuff from the past, like “Remington Steele” and “Silk Stalkings”. Good times.
6) The Duchess Factor – With less TV, I get to spend quality time talking with my girlfriend (I just threw this in here in case she actually reads my inane rants).
Now, with all that said, the good far outweighs the bad when it comes to the strike ending. I mean, I might get new episodes of “Lost” quicker than I normally would (man, that show just sucked me right in again). I just hope the strike accomplished the one thing I really wanted. I want them to blow up the current network format and move to a more year round format, sort of like how cable does it. Shorten the seasons, don’t let things get stale, and give us a rotational schedule. I mean, the British do that, and look at how good there stuff is. Of course, this is American TV. Stale and repetitive is what it’s all about.
1) The Lowest Common Denominator Factor – Basically, we won’t get to figure out just how far the reality shows will get. The one listed above is pretty much the barometer for how low the networks can go (I don’t count the crap they put on MTV, VH1, E! Entertainment, and a possible lesbian dating show on Logo (I just made that up and I’m sure I could get 5 million viewers)). I mean, think about the amount of people you could get to watch a show about a widowed Amish father of 3 marrying a crack whore from LA. Imagine the intrigue. For sweeps, you could have “Destiny” get her AIDS results in or you could have her trying to inject churned butter into her veins. I just want to know how scummy the networks will get.
2) The Overseas Factor – The return of network TV (and crap like “ER”) means that we won’t get cool shows from BBC or CTV on our airways. I mean, imagine if the CW started showing reruns of “Edgemont” or if CBS put on “MI-5” or even if the networks started development deals with BBC. The quality of programming would vastly increase. Of course, the drawback is people might have to start to think, and we wouldn’t want that.
3) The Starving Writer’s Factor – This was the best running subplot during this whole strike. I was wondering when your poor struggling writer was going to figure he couldn’t survive on Romen anymore and started writing again. Plus, with production companies laying off non-writers because of the strike, the writers were become the most hated union strikers since……well, no one likes union strikers.
4) The What Will They Put on Next Factor – Sort of goes hand in hand with my number 1, except you also get some scripted crap in there too. FOX was all ready to pull a “Manchester Prep” and pretend like “New Amsterdam” never existed. All of a sudden, we get a writers strike, and the idea of an immortal NYC cop who needs to find true love to become mortal doesn’t sound so bad. I love it when networks burn off crap pilots, for two reasons. One, you get to see something that networks actually don’t want to put on the air (and think of the crap they do put on the air). Two, you can almost hear the exec’s rooting for it to fail, but not too miserably since they need the ad revenues.
5) The DVR Factor – Thanks to the writer’s strike and all the crap they put on TV, I get a chance to clear out my DVR. Right now, I’m in the middle of “Heroes”. Yeah, I know it finished months ago, but I’m finally getting around to it now, because I have an abundance of time. An off-shoot of this is the “DVD Factor”, in which I get to watch stuff from the past, like “Remington Steele” and “Silk Stalkings”. Good times.
6) The Duchess Factor – With less TV, I get to spend quality time talking with my girlfriend (I just threw this in here in case she actually reads my inane rants).
Now, with all that said, the good far outweighs the bad when it comes to the strike ending. I mean, I might get new episodes of “Lost” quicker than I normally would (man, that show just sucked me right in again). I just hope the strike accomplished the one thing I really wanted. I want them to blow up the current network format and move to a more year round format, sort of like how cable does it. Shorten the seasons, don’t let things get stale, and give us a rotational schedule. I mean, the British do that, and look at how good there stuff is. Of course, this is American TV. Stale and repetitive is what it’s all about.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
WTF? - My Look At The Super Bowl
Fuck. That’s the expletive that pretty much crossed my mind at the end of the game (forgive my delay, just started a new job, hard to post blog entries when people are training you). I would have typed this up on Sunday night or Monday morning, but there the entry would have been an expletive laden rant that was pretty much incoherent, and no one wants that (except maybe Andrew Dice Clay). I had to let my anger dissipate, or at least direct it in more worthy targets. In fact, I probably could have gone without an entry all together, figuring the talking heads and columnists have rehashed the game to death and one more idiotic nobody droning on about the missed opportunities and bad calls would have nothing useful to add. Now, I’m more focused on the idiotic talking heads and columnists and their arm-chair quarterbacking.
I live in the Boston area and, stupidly, listen to sports talk radio. Now, since my daily commute in my car is approximately half a mile to the train station, I don’t get to hear a lot. What I have heard is quite bombastic. Basically, they are calling for everything short of tying up Belichick and burning him at the stake, and anyone who dares disagree is shouted down and blown up. While I will agree that coaches in football have a higher degree of control on the game, the game comes down to execution. You can know the other team’s plays but it won’t do a bit of good unless you can stop it favorably. Case in point, the 2001 Snow Bowl. Everyone remembers the tuck/fumble of Tom Brady, but not how it came about. Brady was on the sideline talking to Weis and Belichick about the play that should be called. Erstwhile Raiders defensive back Eric Allen was lingering near by and heard the play call. He knew where Brady was planning to go with the ball and was going to jump the route, intercept the ball, pretty much seal the game, and get his pick of cheerleaders. So, what happened? Brady dropped back, was about to throw the ball and saw Allen jump the route, so he went to tuck the ball, got hit by Woodson, and well, you know the rest. If Allen had executed his deception better, the Patriots dynasty takes a whole different path. This being said, I don’t think the Belichick told his offensive line to turn into Swiss cheese or his defensive backs to give up big pass plays. But that’s what talk radio would want you to believe.
Now, I’m not letting him off the hook. I felt the play calling was a little conservative. However, the one time he wasn’t conservative, the infamous 4th and 13, everyone is jumping down his throat. Everyone is thinking that the Pats would have made a simple 49 yard field goal. They were in an area of the field where they always go for it on 4th down and, since the game was close, field position would make a lot of difference. So, the pundits want the Pats to change exactly what it was that they have been doing all year. I, for one, thought they should go for it and understand the reasoning behind it. Also, the offense was flat most of the game, they actually had penetration into Giants territory, I think they should have gone for it.
There is a certain ESPN columnist (who shall remain nameless in this entry, but not in previous entries of mine) who was saying that he saw the signs of a Patriots loss. This is complete and utter crap. There were no signs that this was going to happen. Tom Brady not jumping up and down like a giddy schoolgirl does not signify ANYTHING. I don’t remember him doing this in the second or third Super Bowls, so why is it a huge deal now? Also, the recently deceased Tom Petty signing “Free Fallin” during halftime is not an omen of the Patriots collapse. It was a formally popular rock singer reaching back into his drug-addled brain to sing a song most people have actually heard, nothing more. Plus, Tom Brady’s ankle had zero bearing on the game. He didn’t have time to set his feet and throw, so I don’t think his ankle hindered the offensive line. GET OVER YOURSELF YOU SELF-IMPORTANT PRICK! Damn Simmons, you piss me off. If Samuel caught that interception, if Manning had been sacked, or if Harrison had knocked the ball free (all happened on the last drive), then your self-righteous rant is meaningless and you probably would have favored us all with your inane comments and insights about how you knew all along that the Pats would pull it off.
Anyway, there is a fair amount of blame to go to Belichick, but let’s not lay all the blame there. Let’s also not give him a free pass because of what he’s done in the past. Let’s add this to his body of work and look forward to next year. That’s all we can do.
I live in the Boston area and, stupidly, listen to sports talk radio. Now, since my daily commute in my car is approximately half a mile to the train station, I don’t get to hear a lot. What I have heard is quite bombastic. Basically, they are calling for everything short of tying up Belichick and burning him at the stake, and anyone who dares disagree is shouted down and blown up. While I will agree that coaches in football have a higher degree of control on the game, the game comes down to execution. You can know the other team’s plays but it won’t do a bit of good unless you can stop it favorably. Case in point, the 2001 Snow Bowl. Everyone remembers the tuck/fumble of Tom Brady, but not how it came about. Brady was on the sideline talking to Weis and Belichick about the play that should be called. Erstwhile Raiders defensive back Eric Allen was lingering near by and heard the play call. He knew where Brady was planning to go with the ball and was going to jump the route, intercept the ball, pretty much seal the game, and get his pick of cheerleaders. So, what happened? Brady dropped back, was about to throw the ball and saw Allen jump the route, so he went to tuck the ball, got hit by Woodson, and well, you know the rest. If Allen had executed his deception better, the Patriots dynasty takes a whole different path. This being said, I don’t think the Belichick told his offensive line to turn into Swiss cheese or his defensive backs to give up big pass plays. But that’s what talk radio would want you to believe.
Now, I’m not letting him off the hook. I felt the play calling was a little conservative. However, the one time he wasn’t conservative, the infamous 4th and 13, everyone is jumping down his throat. Everyone is thinking that the Pats would have made a simple 49 yard field goal. They were in an area of the field where they always go for it on 4th down and, since the game was close, field position would make a lot of difference. So, the pundits want the Pats to change exactly what it was that they have been doing all year. I, for one, thought they should go for it and understand the reasoning behind it. Also, the offense was flat most of the game, they actually had penetration into Giants territory, I think they should have gone for it.
There is a certain ESPN columnist (who shall remain nameless in this entry, but not in previous entries of mine) who was saying that he saw the signs of a Patriots loss. This is complete and utter crap. There were no signs that this was going to happen. Tom Brady not jumping up and down like a giddy schoolgirl does not signify ANYTHING. I don’t remember him doing this in the second or third Super Bowls, so why is it a huge deal now? Also, the recently deceased Tom Petty signing “Free Fallin” during halftime is not an omen of the Patriots collapse. It was a formally popular rock singer reaching back into his drug-addled brain to sing a song most people have actually heard, nothing more. Plus, Tom Brady’s ankle had zero bearing on the game. He didn’t have time to set his feet and throw, so I don’t think his ankle hindered the offensive line. GET OVER YOURSELF YOU SELF-IMPORTANT PRICK! Damn Simmons, you piss me off. If Samuel caught that interception, if Manning had been sacked, or if Harrison had knocked the ball free (all happened on the last drive), then your self-righteous rant is meaningless and you probably would have favored us all with your inane comments and insights about how you knew all along that the Pats would pull it off.
Anyway, there is a fair amount of blame to go to Belichick, but let’s not lay all the blame there. Let’s also not give him a free pass because of what he’s done in the past. Let’s add this to his body of work and look forward to next year. That’s all we can do.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Why I Love British Television, Part II
As I promised yesterday, part 2 of my man-love for British TV. Now, if you remember from part 1, I said I had two occurrences where episodes continually replay in my head and I keep thinking about them over and over again. Well, the second time was for the end of Season 3 of “Doctor Who”. Now, some of you are thinking that either I’m incredibly lazy as that season finished on the Sci-Fi Channel in September or that I’m a time traveler because it just started on BBC America. The answer, as always, is that I’m lazy. But that’s not all.
“Doctor Who” is a long running British sci-fi show about a time lord who travels through space and time in a blue police box and some chick in tow. When I say long running, I mean 20 plus seasons. Fans of this show make “Star Trek” fans look normal. Anyway, BBC decided to jazz it up a couple of years ago and sort of reinvent the series. They kept most of the mythology in place, but gave newbies a chance to jump on board. Of course, Seamus and I were two of the first to jump on board when Sci-Fi announced they would be showing the series in America. The first two seasons rocked. We got good story lines (sometimes a little cheesy) and good acting. Half way through the second season we got word that his companion (the chick in tow) was leaving the show. Not good news for those of us who liked Rose Tyler. So, after the season finale of Season 2, I was a little hesitant to jump back on board for Season 3. Then, the Christmas episode happened.
“Doctor Who” will have Christmas episodes (in England, America gets them whenever), which are usually one-off episodes a few months prior to the new season kicking off. This episode was following the departure of Rose, so his partner in crime in this episode was Donna Noble (played by Catherine Tate). Let’s just say that it was show on Sci-Fi in September, and I didn’t watch another episode until January. I was horrified by the episode, and not in a good way. I have a genuine distaste for Catherine Tate now. So, I had little hope for Season 3.
When I finally got around to watching the first real episode of “Doctor Who”, I knew that his new companion would be Martha Jones and that Seamus had loved the season. Within 15 minutes of the first episode, I forgot who Rose Tyler was. I immediately fell in love with Martha Jones and felt she was the perfect chick in tow for the Doctor. From about “Human Nature” (episode 8) until the finale “Last of the Timelords” (episode 13), it was a non stop thrill ride. Let’s go over the episodes briefly.
“Human Nature” and “The Family of Blood” was a two part episode that had the Doctor become human in order to hide from a murderous alien family. He transports himself to 1913 England and brings Martha with him as his “servant”. He does not remember anything of his alien past, only remembers that he is an English school teacher. While there, he falls in love with a human nurse who works at the school. The end is heart-wrenching, as we see the life they would have had together if he stayed human. We also see how cold he can be when dealing with the alien family that hunted him down. The whole episode is painful, as we see the indignity that Martha must endure as a black servant in 1913 and seeing the man she loves fall for another woman. This is followed by “Blink”, probably one of the best episodes of “Doctor Who” ever, with the irony that the Doctor and Martha probably only have 1 minute of screen-time. Trapped back in 1969, the Doctor and Martha must rely on Sally Sparrow (unknown to everyone until now) to work out a way to get the Doctor his TARDIS, while battling against weeping angel statues. One, it is horribly frightening. Two, the end was great, when we are finally able to piece together how the Doctor was able to send Sally all those clues from the past. If Sally became a more regular contributor, no one would complain.
Now, we come to the “Utopia”/”The Sound of Drums”/”Last of the Time Lords” three part finale. It starts with old friend Captain Jack Harkness (of “Torchwood” fame) bumming a ride on the TARDIS with the Doctor and Martha to the end of time. When there, they help an old professor build a rocket to send his people to Utopia. We slowly find out that he is a time lord, who was turned human like the Doctor was earlier in the year. He reassumes his time lord identity (as The Master) and steals the TARDIS, leaving our heroes at the end of time. Jack has a time jumping device on his wrist that the Doctor fixes to jump back to present day. When they arrive, Harold Saxon (the Master) has just been elected Prime Minister of England. He has used his massive telecommunications empire as a time control device. Basically, he is paving the way for the Toclafane to invade earth. Why? We have no idea. The Doctor, Martha, and Jack infiltrate the Master’s base of operations, but get caught. The Master turns the Doctor into an old man, bound to a wheelchair, incapable of fighting. The Doctor whispers something to Martha, and then
arranges for her to escape. One year passes, and Martha has transformed herself into a freedom fighter and symbol of a huge resistance movement, talking to folks and spreading the word. The picture to the right is Martha as the freedom fighter (thank me later Seamus). Anyway, her and two members of the resistance catch a Toclafane (little metal orbs) and open it up to see what’s inside. Basically, what is inside is the improved version of the human’s that took the rocket ship to Utopia. They can kill humans but not effect their future because the Master has turned the TARDIS into a paradox machine, basically nullifying the “butterfly effect”. She then is shown huge rockets, which we learn the Master will use to wipe out other species throughout the galaxy in order to control the universe. Martha is then caught and brought before the Master. She sees the Doctor, who has been turned into something that looks like Gollum from “Lord of the Rings” (the Master advanced his age once again). It turns out this is exactly what Martha wanted. Before she escaped, the Doctor told her that if everyone thought of the word “Doctor”, it would somehow override the mind control device of the Master’s and he would become himself again. As Martha walked the Earth like Jules from “Pulp Fiction”, this was the story she told. So, long story short (too late), the Doctor becomes himself again, defeats the Master (who dies), they disable the Paradox Machine, and time gets sent back to just before the Toclafane invasion, with everyone (minus the Doctor, Martha, Jack, and Martha’s family) forgetting what happened. When they get back to Earth, Martha tells the Doctor that she can’t travel with him for now. She wants to get her medical degree. Also, she can’t stay in this one-sided relationship, where she loves him and he doesn’t see her. She gives him her cellphone and says when she calls, he better come running. With that, we come to an end.
I loved it because it was just great human drama and magnificently written. I hated it because at the end, Martha leaves and paves the way for Donna Noble to return in Season 4. The only silver lining here is that Martha will show up in “Torchwood” for a couple of episodes and then in the last half of Season 4 of “Doctor Who” (along with a few episodes that will feature Rose). Do I love this show? Definitely. Everything this show offers is the main reason I love British TV.
“Doctor Who” is a long running British sci-fi show about a time lord who travels through space and time in a blue police box and some chick in tow. When I say long running, I mean 20 plus seasons. Fans of this show make “Star Trek” fans look normal. Anyway, BBC decided to jazz it up a couple of years ago and sort of reinvent the series. They kept most of the mythology in place, but gave newbies a chance to jump on board. Of course, Seamus and I were two of the first to jump on board when Sci-Fi announced they would be showing the series in America. The first two seasons rocked. We got good story lines (sometimes a little cheesy) and good acting. Half way through the second season we got word that his companion (the chick in tow) was leaving the show. Not good news for those of us who liked Rose Tyler. So, after the season finale of Season 2, I was a little hesitant to jump back on board for Season 3. Then, the Christmas episode happened.
“Doctor Who” will have Christmas episodes (in England, America gets them whenever), which are usually one-off episodes a few months prior to the new season kicking off. This episode was following the departure of Rose, so his partner in crime in this episode was Donna Noble (played by Catherine Tate). Let’s just say that it was show on Sci-Fi in September, and I didn’t watch another episode until January. I was horrified by the episode, and not in a good way. I have a genuine distaste for Catherine Tate now. So, I had little hope for Season 3.
When I finally got around to watching the first real episode of “Doctor Who”, I knew that his new companion would be Martha Jones and that Seamus had loved the season. Within 15 minutes of the first episode, I forgot who Rose Tyler was. I immediately fell in love with Martha Jones and felt she was the perfect chick in tow for the Doctor. From about “Human Nature” (episode 8) until the finale “Last of the Timelords” (episode 13), it was a non stop thrill ride. Let’s go over the episodes briefly.
“Human Nature” and “The Family of Blood” was a two part episode that had the Doctor become human in order to hide from a murderous alien family. He transports himself to 1913 England and brings Martha with him as his “servant”. He does not remember anything of his alien past, only remembers that he is an English school teacher. While there, he falls in love with a human nurse who works at the school. The end is heart-wrenching, as we see the life they would have had together if he stayed human. We also see how cold he can be when dealing with the alien family that hunted him down. The whole episode is painful, as we see the indignity that Martha must endure as a black servant in 1913 and seeing the man she loves fall for another woman. This is followed by “Blink”, probably one of the best episodes of “Doctor Who” ever, with the irony that the Doctor and Martha probably only have 1 minute of screen-time. Trapped back in 1969, the Doctor and Martha must rely on Sally Sparrow (unknown to everyone until now) to work out a way to get the Doctor his TARDIS, while battling against weeping angel statues. One, it is horribly frightening. Two, the end was great, when we are finally able to piece together how the Doctor was able to send Sally all those clues from the past. If Sally became a more regular contributor, no one would complain.
Now, we come to the “Utopia”/”The Sound of Drums”/”Last of the Time Lords” three part finale. It starts with old friend Captain Jack Harkness (of “Torchwood” fame) bumming a ride on the TARDIS with the Doctor and Martha to the end of time. When there, they help an old professor build a rocket to send his people to Utopia. We slowly find out that he is a time lord, who was turned human like the Doctor was earlier in the year. He reassumes his time lord identity (as The Master) and steals the TARDIS, leaving our heroes at the end of time. Jack has a time jumping device on his wrist that the Doctor fixes to jump back to present day. When they arrive, Harold Saxon (the Master) has just been elected Prime Minister of England. He has used his massive telecommunications empire as a time control device. Basically, he is paving the way for the Toclafane to invade earth. Why? We have no idea. The Doctor, Martha, and Jack infiltrate the Master’s base of operations, but get caught. The Master turns the Doctor into an old man, bound to a wheelchair, incapable of fighting. The Doctor whispers something to Martha, and then
arranges for her to escape. One year passes, and Martha has transformed herself into a freedom fighter and symbol of a huge resistance movement, talking to folks and spreading the word. The picture to the right is Martha as the freedom fighter (thank me later Seamus). Anyway, her and two members of the resistance catch a Toclafane (little metal orbs) and open it up to see what’s inside. Basically, what is inside is the improved version of the human’s that took the rocket ship to Utopia. They can kill humans but not effect their future because the Master has turned the TARDIS into a paradox machine, basically nullifying the “butterfly effect”. She then is shown huge rockets, which we learn the Master will use to wipe out other species throughout the galaxy in order to control the universe. Martha is then caught and brought before the Master. She sees the Doctor, who has been turned into something that looks like Gollum from “Lord of the Rings” (the Master advanced his age once again). It turns out this is exactly what Martha wanted. Before she escaped, the Doctor told her that if everyone thought of the word “Doctor”, it would somehow override the mind control device of the Master’s and he would become himself again. As Martha walked the Earth like Jules from “Pulp Fiction”, this was the story she told. So, long story short (too late), the Doctor becomes himself again, defeats the Master (who dies), they disable the Paradox Machine, and time gets sent back to just before the Toclafane invasion, with everyone (minus the Doctor, Martha, Jack, and Martha’s family) forgetting what happened. When they get back to Earth, Martha tells the Doctor that she can’t travel with him for now. She wants to get her medical degree. Also, she can’t stay in this one-sided relationship, where she loves him and he doesn’t see her. She gives him her cellphone and says when she calls, he better come running. With that, we come to an end.I loved it because it was just great human drama and magnificently written. I hated it because at the end, Martha leaves and paves the way for Donna Noble to return in Season 4. The only silver lining here is that Martha will show up in “Torchwood” for a couple of episodes and then in the last half of Season 4 of “Doctor Who” (along with a few episodes that will feature Rose). Do I love this show? Definitely. Everything this show offers is the main reason I love British TV.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Why I Love British Television, Part I
You know, with most TV, after I watch, the overall themes and plot is digested, only to be thought about again when the next episode is on. However, there are very few times when an episode will clearly grab my attention for a few days after, as I continually pour over the nuances, over and over again. In this case, it has happened to me twice in one week. I will share this with you because I know you care.
The first happened around the middle of last week when I finished up the second and final season of “Life on Mars”. Stop reading now to avoid spoilers and just wait for Part 2 about “Doctor Who” (coming either later today or tomorrow). First, let me say that the great thing about British TV is the fact that they don’t beat an idea to death (don’t think about the irony of having this line after mentioning “Doctor Who”). “Life on Mars” could have gotten real old real fast. Thankfully, they only had it last two seasons with a grand total of 16 episodes. That’s not even one full American season. Now, on to the actual episode.
You know how a lot of series finales never meet your expectations and you are completely let down by them? Well, think of the exact opposite of that feeling and you have the finale of “Life on Mars”. The storyline completely drew me in, I didn’t think they would resolve it by the end, yet it went out in a blaze of glory. If you have ever watched the show, you know by the episode before this that Frank Morgan is the mysterious voice on the other end of all the phone calls Sam has been receiving this season, telling him they will be getting him home soon. We start the episode with Sam hearing voices from 2006 telling him that they will operate to remove a small tumor in his head and that should bring him out of the coma. The surgeon’s name is Frank Morgan. The 1973 version of Frank Morgan tells Sam that in order of the operation to be successful, that he needs to gather up evidence on Gene Hunt so he can be arrested. Sam does this, but finds out that the operation is an actual undercover operation (codenamed Metropolitan Accountability and Reconciliation Strategy (MARS)), not the surgery he thought. It turns out that Frank Morgan was his DCI in Hyde, who sent Sam to Manchester for the undercover assignment and the accident he suffered in the first episode caused him to close his mind which has caused his amnesia. To further illustrate the point, Morgan shows Sam the gravestones of his parents, then of “Sam Tyler”, from which his persona was created. Sam is then torn; as he is not sure which is version of his life is real. He comes to accept that he is a policeman from Hyde sent to Manchester to clean up the division. He confesses this to the other members of his division, but not Gene, who is currently undercover with a gang of thugs who will soon attempt a train heist. Instead of calling in for armed personal, Gene feels that his own division can handle the situation, going undercover on the train that will be hit. Morgan has given Sam a radio to radio in for armed help when needed; not believing Gene has taken care of the operation. When the heist happens, the radio admits static and then all hell breaks loose. The team and robbers get into a vicious gun battle. Sam radios for help but nothing comes up. He makes a break for it to round up help, promising Anne that he won’t leave them behind. As he runs away from the train, he runs into Morgan in the tunnel near by, saying that he doesn’t have a team waiting, and to let the criminals take care of the division. He then turns and sees the team making a break for it, running toward him. Sam sees Chris and Ray get shot, with Anne kneeling down to help Chris, then sees Gene get shoot and falls. At this moment, at bright light appears and envelops Sam. He wakes up in 2006 in his hospital bed. He was in a coma the whole time. He then is greeted by the surgeon, who is Frank Morgan. After a little bit, he gets dressed and goes home. The End.
Okay, not quite. He talks to his mother and says that he made a promise to someone, in which she responds that he has nothing to worry about since he always keeps his promises. He finds it tough adjusting to the present and relating to his colleagues. He accidentally slices his finger with a razor, but doesn’t notice it until someone points it out. He remembers the conversation he had with Nelson where he told him that “You know you’re alive when you feel.” With that, Sam goes to the roof of the station and jumps off. The End.
Okay, not quite again. He arrives back in 1973, back in the tunnel. He then pulls his weapon and guns down the remaining bad guys. We next see Ray and Chris in the bar with Sam, seemingly having forgiven him. He leaves the bar and runs into Anne. She tells him to stay there forever, and they kiss. With that, Gene speeds in and tells them to get in, as they have a new case. Chris and Ray jump in with Anne and Sam. Same hears over the radio the voice of doctors from the future, saying that they are losing him and then a flat line. He changes the channel and gets David Bowie and they speed off. Then a few kids run out into the street with the little girl from the Test Screen who runs right up to the camera, looks directly into it, and reaches up and switches it off. The End (no, really this time).
I just loved it. It gave us a finale, and added a little ambiguity in it, so I actually have to give it some thought. My personal opinion is that his life in 2006 was real, and that 1973 is the afterlife. However, you can make the argument of some sort of time travel, considering that he saved “the woman in red” at the end of season 1 and that his coma-self was attacked by the escaped mental patient he put in stir in season 2. I was thinking about it for days. We might even get some more answers when “Ashes to Ashes” premieres, which is the spin-off featuring Gene, Chris, and Ray in 1980’s London with a new officer involved in a near fatal accident (God knows when or if it will be on BBC America). All I know is that David E. Kelly will muck up the American version. He’s too full of himself and he’ll over-think the whole thing. It’ll last 5 episodes and be cancelled. And that’s a success for Kelly nowadays.
The first happened around the middle of last week when I finished up the second and final season of “Life on Mars”. Stop reading now to avoid spoilers and just wait for Part 2 about “Doctor Who” (coming either later today or tomorrow). First, let me say that the great thing about British TV is the fact that they don’t beat an idea to death (don’t think about the irony of having this line after mentioning “Doctor Who”). “Life on Mars” could have gotten real old real fast. Thankfully, they only had it last two seasons with a grand total of 16 episodes. That’s not even one full American season. Now, on to the actual episode.
You know how a lot of series finales never meet your expectations and you are completely let down by them? Well, think of the exact opposite of that feeling and you have the finale of “Life on Mars”. The storyline completely drew me in, I didn’t think they would resolve it by the end, yet it went out in a blaze of glory. If you have ever watched the show, you know by the episode before this that Frank Morgan is the mysterious voice on the other end of all the phone calls Sam has been receiving this season, telling him they will be getting him home soon. We start the episode with Sam hearing voices from 2006 telling him that they will operate to remove a small tumor in his head and that should bring him out of the coma. The surgeon’s name is Frank Morgan. The 1973 version of Frank Morgan tells Sam that in order of the operation to be successful, that he needs to gather up evidence on Gene Hunt so he can be arrested. Sam does this, but finds out that the operation is an actual undercover operation (codenamed Metropolitan Accountability and Reconciliation Strategy (MARS)), not the surgery he thought. It turns out that Frank Morgan was his DCI in Hyde, who sent Sam to Manchester for the undercover assignment and the accident he suffered in the first episode caused him to close his mind which has caused his amnesia. To further illustrate the point, Morgan shows Sam the gravestones of his parents, then of “Sam Tyler”, from which his persona was created. Sam is then torn; as he is not sure which is version of his life is real. He comes to accept that he is a policeman from Hyde sent to Manchester to clean up the division. He confesses this to the other members of his division, but not Gene, who is currently undercover with a gang of thugs who will soon attempt a train heist. Instead of calling in for armed personal, Gene feels that his own division can handle the situation, going undercover on the train that will be hit. Morgan has given Sam a radio to radio in for armed help when needed; not believing Gene has taken care of the operation. When the heist happens, the radio admits static and then all hell breaks loose. The team and robbers get into a vicious gun battle. Sam radios for help but nothing comes up. He makes a break for it to round up help, promising Anne that he won’t leave them behind. As he runs away from the train, he runs into Morgan in the tunnel near by, saying that he doesn’t have a team waiting, and to let the criminals take care of the division. He then turns and sees the team making a break for it, running toward him. Sam sees Chris and Ray get shot, with Anne kneeling down to help Chris, then sees Gene get shoot and falls. At this moment, at bright light appears and envelops Sam. He wakes up in 2006 in his hospital bed. He was in a coma the whole time. He then is greeted by the surgeon, who is Frank Morgan. After a little bit, he gets dressed and goes home. The End.
Okay, not quite. He talks to his mother and says that he made a promise to someone, in which she responds that he has nothing to worry about since he always keeps his promises. He finds it tough adjusting to the present and relating to his colleagues. He accidentally slices his finger with a razor, but doesn’t notice it until someone points it out. He remembers the conversation he had with Nelson where he told him that “You know you’re alive when you feel.” With that, Sam goes to the roof of the station and jumps off. The End.
Okay, not quite again. He arrives back in 1973, back in the tunnel. He then pulls his weapon and guns down the remaining bad guys. We next see Ray and Chris in the bar with Sam, seemingly having forgiven him. He leaves the bar and runs into Anne. She tells him to stay there forever, and they kiss. With that, Gene speeds in and tells them to get in, as they have a new case. Chris and Ray jump in with Anne and Sam. Same hears over the radio the voice of doctors from the future, saying that they are losing him and then a flat line. He changes the channel and gets David Bowie and they speed off. Then a few kids run out into the street with the little girl from the Test Screen who runs right up to the camera, looks directly into it, and reaches up and switches it off. The End (no, really this time).
I just loved it. It gave us a finale, and added a little ambiguity in it, so I actually have to give it some thought. My personal opinion is that his life in 2006 was real, and that 1973 is the afterlife. However, you can make the argument of some sort of time travel, considering that he saved “the woman in red” at the end of season 1 and that his coma-self was attacked by the escaped mental patient he put in stir in season 2. I was thinking about it for days. We might even get some more answers when “Ashes to Ashes” premieres, which is the spin-off featuring Gene, Chris, and Ray in 1980’s London with a new officer involved in a near fatal accident (God knows when or if it will be on BBC America). All I know is that David E. Kelly will muck up the American version. He’s too full of himself and he’ll over-think the whole thing. It’ll last 5 episodes and be cancelled. And that’s a success for Kelly nowadays.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
TV From The Female Angle
When I moved in with the Duchess about 2 years ago, I figured my life would change a little. I kinda figured that I would no longer being drinking until 3 AM, watching old Buffy episodes, and wondering things like “Can I back flip off the coffee table without spilling my beer?” I also figured my TV viewing habits would change. For all her attributes, she’s not that big into sci-fi stuff. However, that’s not to say that I haven’t tried to make her watch “Battlestar Galactica” and “Smallville”, its just she’s not interested. However, good relationships are built on compromise, so she watches some of my stuff and I watch some of her stuff. While I don’t quite understand her fascination with the Disney Channel, she has introduced me to some stuff that is totally kick-ass. I will share with you the top 5 TV related things she’s shared with me; to help spread the world that good TV doesn’t have to involve space.
Two author’s notes before I begin. One, I watched the “Life on Mars” series finale the other day. I was completely blown away, yet need time to digest it all. I’ll probably be writing a review of it sometime soon. Two, if this list was a top 6, I would have included “Zoey 101”, just for all the Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy jokes you can make in half hour. Anyway, on with the list:
5) “Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide” (Nickelodeon) – Growing up with such great shows as “Saved by the Bell”, “Running the Halls”, and “Chris Cross”, I like school shows that involve very few parents and complete comedy. While this is a middle school show, it pretty much fits the bill. Basically, you have middle school moppet Ned Bigby who, along with friends Moze and Cookie, creates a survival guide for middle school. Now, before you start thinking that it’s uncool, how bad can something be that gives Savage Steve Holland and Fred Savage paychecks for directing episodes. Plus, it gives acting credits to Meshach Taylor (who is without a dummy). The show is 30 minutes long, but you get two stories for the price of one. Also, you have cool character names like Coconut Head and Suzie Crabgrass. I’ve given you sufficient reason to check it out, so go.
4) “House Hunters International” (HGTV) – Personally, I could care less about people finding there dream home, but this has the twist of being international. Basically, people are looking to upgrade their digs and they get shown three houses and they decide which is best for them. Now, while I don’t care what $200 grand will get you in Grand Rapids, MI, I do care what it will get you on some Caribbean island. Why? Because living in paradise would be cool, where all you do all day is lay in a hammock and booze. Basically, do you want to live in cold as hell New England or in sunny Aruba? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
3) “Survivorman” (Discovery Channel) – Les Stroud is one badass. Basically, this man gets dropped in the most inhospitable places on earth and is forced to survive for seven days. Now, this isn’t some lame show where the cameraman slips him a sandwich off camera, mostly because he is the cameraman. He carries 50 pounds of equipment with him. That might not sound bad if you’re trekking in your backyard, but he’s carrying this crap around the Mojave Desert and above the Artic Circle. He’s building igloos and drinking his own evaporated urine and eating scorpions. The man is freaking crazy. But unlike most crazy people, he’s filming this for our enjoyment. Now, I’m not going to be sledding up in the Yukon Territory anytime soon, but it’s nice to know how I can get by with a Swiss Army Knife, some pliers, and an old hockey ticket. This guy is like MacGyver.
2) “Cash in the Attic” (BBC America) – Before we start, I have to say you need to watch the British version, not the crappy American version. I watched that once and almost went into shock. Instead of raising money for something cool like throwing Mum a 90th birthday party, two fat parents and their fat teenage daughter in New Jersey wanted a hot tub. Now that we have that squared away, let’s get to the show. Basically, you either have one chick and a couple of gay guys or just a couple of gay guys pawing through some family’s old junk to try and find stuff they can hock at auction to raise money for some expenditure the family wants to make. This is cool on a couple of levels. One, it makes you think that all the old crap you have might be worth something. Two, seeing the tools who go to an auction in England is a long way off from what I saw watching “Lovejoy”. The best part is that there is always a happy ending since the family always gets the money they are shooting for. So, unless you are cold sadistic bastard (you know, your typical Colts fan), you should be happy at the end.
1) “Iron Chef America” (Food Network) – First off, I would like to admit I’ve never seen the Japanese version, so don’t give me poo for liking this. The premise is pretty simple. You have some hot shot chef out there who thinks he’s the balls, so he shows up on the show and challenges one of the Iron Chef’s to a cook-off. Basically, there are two rules. One, you only have an hour to create a couple of dishes and two, you need to use a special ingredient in each dish. The special ingredient is announced right before the cooking begins. You then serve your food to three judges and they tally up points using a completely arbitrary points system. The one with the most points wins. The only thing you get for a win is the satisfaction of a job well done, which kind of sucks. There are a couple of cool things here. One, the iron chefs all rock. Bobby Flay is a big dick, so its fun to root against him. Mario Batali has a huge gut and sweats so much, you think he might have a heart attack at any time. I have nothing against any of the other chefs. Also, the commentator is Alton Brown, who is wicked awesome. Watch any of his shows on Food Network and you’ll be impressed with his knowledge. Plus, you can’t go wrong when you’re watching “Stargate Atlantis” and you realize that the dude trying to kill Ronan is the Chairman from “Iron Chef America”. Another reason its cool is the possibility of some hot shot chef completely lose it because he doesn’t know how to make a dessert with eggplant.
There’s the list. While the shows may not be great, it makes compromise much easier. So I get to say things like “oh, you want to watch “Ned’s Declassified”? That means you have to watch “Mega Snake” on Sci-Fi later.” See, that’s fun for the whole family.
Two author’s notes before I begin. One, I watched the “Life on Mars” series finale the other day. I was completely blown away, yet need time to digest it all. I’ll probably be writing a review of it sometime soon. Two, if this list was a top 6, I would have included “Zoey 101”, just for all the Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy jokes you can make in half hour. Anyway, on with the list:
5) “Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide” (Nickelodeon) – Growing up with such great shows as “Saved by the Bell”, “Running the Halls”, and “Chris Cross”, I like school shows that involve very few parents and complete comedy. While this is a middle school show, it pretty much fits the bill. Basically, you have middle school moppet Ned Bigby who, along with friends Moze and Cookie, creates a survival guide for middle school. Now, before you start thinking that it’s uncool, how bad can something be that gives Savage Steve Holland and Fred Savage paychecks for directing episodes. Plus, it gives acting credits to Meshach Taylor (who is without a dummy). The show is 30 minutes long, but you get two stories for the price of one. Also, you have cool character names like Coconut Head and Suzie Crabgrass. I’ve given you sufficient reason to check it out, so go.
4) “House Hunters International” (HGTV) – Personally, I could care less about people finding there dream home, but this has the twist of being international. Basically, people are looking to upgrade their digs and they get shown three houses and they decide which is best for them. Now, while I don’t care what $200 grand will get you in Grand Rapids, MI, I do care what it will get you on some Caribbean island. Why? Because living in paradise would be cool, where all you do all day is lay in a hammock and booze. Basically, do you want to live in cold as hell New England or in sunny Aruba? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
3) “Survivorman” (Discovery Channel) – Les Stroud is one badass. Basically, this man gets dropped in the most inhospitable places on earth and is forced to survive for seven days. Now, this isn’t some lame show where the cameraman slips him a sandwich off camera, mostly because he is the cameraman. He carries 50 pounds of equipment with him. That might not sound bad if you’re trekking in your backyard, but he’s carrying this crap around the Mojave Desert and above the Artic Circle. He’s building igloos and drinking his own evaporated urine and eating scorpions. The man is freaking crazy. But unlike most crazy people, he’s filming this for our enjoyment. Now, I’m not going to be sledding up in the Yukon Territory anytime soon, but it’s nice to know how I can get by with a Swiss Army Knife, some pliers, and an old hockey ticket. This guy is like MacGyver.
2) “Cash in the Attic” (BBC America) – Before we start, I have to say you need to watch the British version, not the crappy American version. I watched that once and almost went into shock. Instead of raising money for something cool like throwing Mum a 90th birthday party, two fat parents and their fat teenage daughter in New Jersey wanted a hot tub. Now that we have that squared away, let’s get to the show. Basically, you either have one chick and a couple of gay guys or just a couple of gay guys pawing through some family’s old junk to try and find stuff they can hock at auction to raise money for some expenditure the family wants to make. This is cool on a couple of levels. One, it makes you think that all the old crap you have might be worth something. Two, seeing the tools who go to an auction in England is a long way off from what I saw watching “Lovejoy”. The best part is that there is always a happy ending since the family always gets the money they are shooting for. So, unless you are cold sadistic bastard (you know, your typical Colts fan), you should be happy at the end.
1) “Iron Chef America” (Food Network) – First off, I would like to admit I’ve never seen the Japanese version, so don’t give me poo for liking this. The premise is pretty simple. You have some hot shot chef out there who thinks he’s the balls, so he shows up on the show and challenges one of the Iron Chef’s to a cook-off. Basically, there are two rules. One, you only have an hour to create a couple of dishes and two, you need to use a special ingredient in each dish. The special ingredient is announced right before the cooking begins. You then serve your food to three judges and they tally up points using a completely arbitrary points system. The one with the most points wins. The only thing you get for a win is the satisfaction of a job well done, which kind of sucks. There are a couple of cool things here. One, the iron chefs all rock. Bobby Flay is a big dick, so its fun to root against him. Mario Batali has a huge gut and sweats so much, you think he might have a heart attack at any time. I have nothing against any of the other chefs. Also, the commentator is Alton Brown, who is wicked awesome. Watch any of his shows on Food Network and you’ll be impressed with his knowledge. Plus, you can’t go wrong when you’re watching “Stargate Atlantis” and you realize that the dude trying to kill Ronan is the Chairman from “Iron Chef America”. Another reason its cool is the possibility of some hot shot chef completely lose it because he doesn’t know how to make a dessert with eggplant.
There’s the list. While the shows may not be great, it makes compromise much easier. So I get to say things like “oh, you want to watch “Ned’s Declassified”? That means you have to watch “Mega Snake” on Sci-Fi later.” See, that’s fun for the whole family.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Random Thoughts About Football And The Yeti
I have some random thoughts about the weekend in general and figured I would share them with my adoring readers. Not the toothless inbred hick who left the comment here about the girl who got boo-ed at the Indy game, but the rest of you.
Is Jim Nantz on crack? While watching the Patriots complete yet another drubbing of the Chargers, Nantz enters into this long winded correlation between the memorialized number 91 on the back of their helmets and the fact that their first drive of the season was 91 yards. I want to know how long Nantz has been waiting to bust out that gem. What would have happened if the Pats lost? Would Nantz have had to sleep on the nugget, never to be used? How did Phil Simms not smack him? I need answers.
More than one person has made the comment that this year’s Super Bowl is like Super Bowl XXXVI in 2001, with the high favored and high powered Rams against the plucky Pats, facing an overwhelmingly favored opponent. I don’t buy it. I feel this is more like Super Bowl XX, which featured the Bears against the Pats. The Bears had the most fearsome defense of all time, while the plucky Pats had to battle 3 quality opponents, on the road, before finally making it to the show. This year, the Pats have the most fearsome offense of all time, while the plucky Giants had to battle 3 quality opponents, on the road, before finally making it to the show. So don’t give me this “How does it feel to be rooting for the Rams” crap, at least get your analogies right when taunting me.
If I hear one more person talk about Tom Brady and his injury, I’m kicking that person in the baby maker. Everyone, from the postman to the fat broad at the train station, has been waxing intellectual about this like they are the head orthopedist at UMass General. The best was the New York newspapers asking doctors to tell us about the possible injury from still photos and grainy images from youtube. How about this? We wait until the injury report and/or media day. Hell, Brady will be on the morning drive-time show on WEEI this morning, let’s listen to that. I don’t need a guy who probably got his degree from Upstairs Hollywood Medical College to tell me that Brady’s foot is broken because of the way he was carrying his flowers for his girlfriend.
Since yesterday was a holiday, I was given the day off by the evil, soul-sucking corporation I work for. I was flipping through the channels and stumbled across a show called “Monster Quest”. This details the dateless wonders out there who will talk to anyone about their quest to find Big Foot, the Yeti, or any other possible monster you can think of. So anyway, they had this one on yesterday about how Stalin tried to make this ape/human hybrid to be the ultimate killing machine, since, you know, Stalin was crazy. Anyway, this show was on the History Channel. I’m not sure whether to be offended as a former history major or as a History Channel fan. I mean, is this really worthy of the History Channel? I’m pretty sure this wasn’t even fact, but just made up by some poor, slovenly looking kid who can speak Klingon and lives in this mother’s basement. Stalin was more than willing to let 1 million soldiers die in a single battle, I don’t really think he was concerned about the viability of this ape/human hybrid. Seriously, this passes for a show on the History Channel? Just give me another breakdown of some random Revolutionary War battle and be done with it.
Back to the games on Sunday. Are the Chargers just the biggest bunch of whiney bitches ever? Last year, the king of the sack dance (Shawne Merriman) and the cry baby wimp (LT) pitch a fit because of the way the Pats celebrated on their field. This year, one of their offensive linemen decides to call out Richard Seymour…..after the game. Listen, if you’re going to call Vince Wilfork a dirty player, fine, I accept that. But I have never heard this about Richard Seymour. Why not give us some things he did that you didn’t like and when it happened. We’ll all check the tape and see if you are telling the truth or whining because you lost and are a little bitch. One more thing, after the game, I had nothing but respect for Philip Rivers. He played a hell of a game in bad conditions on bad knees that need surgery. Tomlinson, on the other hand, was in there for like 3 plays and couldn’t go anymore. If he was so emotional about possibly getting to the Super Bowl (as Phil Simms kept telling us), don’t you think it would have taken multiple people to keep him off the field? Plus, I love how Norv Turner threw him under the bus after the game, saying the Tomlinson kept himself out. Way to coach Norv.
The Giants didn’t really win that game, the Packers lost it. I will give the Giants credit, they played very good defense and Eli was just competent enough to win the game. However, they made numerous mistakes that the Packers never capitalized on. If they hope to win the Super Bowl, they need to cut down on the errors and take advantage of any errors the Pats make. There is no way around this. How did the Giants not keep feeding Plaxico Burress? At one point, he even told the Packers bench no one could cover him. Maybe he should have told his own coaching staff and Eli, as he could have been utilized even more than he already was.
I will hold off on making any Super Bowl predictions until next week, as Tom Brady may need his foot amputated. I’ll be back in a day or two with more fun filled comments to make your day just that much brighter.
Is Jim Nantz on crack? While watching the Patriots complete yet another drubbing of the Chargers, Nantz enters into this long winded correlation between the memorialized number 91 on the back of their helmets and the fact that their first drive of the season was 91 yards. I want to know how long Nantz has been waiting to bust out that gem. What would have happened if the Pats lost? Would Nantz have had to sleep on the nugget, never to be used? How did Phil Simms not smack him? I need answers.
More than one person has made the comment that this year’s Super Bowl is like Super Bowl XXXVI in 2001, with the high favored and high powered Rams against the plucky Pats, facing an overwhelmingly favored opponent. I don’t buy it. I feel this is more like Super Bowl XX, which featured the Bears against the Pats. The Bears had the most fearsome defense of all time, while the plucky Pats had to battle 3 quality opponents, on the road, before finally making it to the show. This year, the Pats have the most fearsome offense of all time, while the plucky Giants had to battle 3 quality opponents, on the road, before finally making it to the show. So don’t give me this “How does it feel to be rooting for the Rams” crap, at least get your analogies right when taunting me.
If I hear one more person talk about Tom Brady and his injury, I’m kicking that person in the baby maker. Everyone, from the postman to the fat broad at the train station, has been waxing intellectual about this like they are the head orthopedist at UMass General. The best was the New York newspapers asking doctors to tell us about the possible injury from still photos and grainy images from youtube. How about this? We wait until the injury report and/or media day. Hell, Brady will be on the morning drive-time show on WEEI this morning, let’s listen to that. I don’t need a guy who probably got his degree from Upstairs Hollywood Medical College to tell me that Brady’s foot is broken because of the way he was carrying his flowers for his girlfriend.
Since yesterday was a holiday, I was given the day off by the evil, soul-sucking corporation I work for. I was flipping through the channels and stumbled across a show called “Monster Quest”. This details the dateless wonders out there who will talk to anyone about their quest to find Big Foot, the Yeti, or any other possible monster you can think of. So anyway, they had this one on yesterday about how Stalin tried to make this ape/human hybrid to be the ultimate killing machine, since, you know, Stalin was crazy. Anyway, this show was on the History Channel. I’m not sure whether to be offended as a former history major or as a History Channel fan. I mean, is this really worthy of the History Channel? I’m pretty sure this wasn’t even fact, but just made up by some poor, slovenly looking kid who can speak Klingon and lives in this mother’s basement. Stalin was more than willing to let 1 million soldiers die in a single battle, I don’t really think he was concerned about the viability of this ape/human hybrid. Seriously, this passes for a show on the History Channel? Just give me another breakdown of some random Revolutionary War battle and be done with it.
Back to the games on Sunday. Are the Chargers just the biggest bunch of whiney bitches ever? Last year, the king of the sack dance (Shawne Merriman) and the cry baby wimp (LT) pitch a fit because of the way the Pats celebrated on their field. This year, one of their offensive linemen decides to call out Richard Seymour…..after the game. Listen, if you’re going to call Vince Wilfork a dirty player, fine, I accept that. But I have never heard this about Richard Seymour. Why not give us some things he did that you didn’t like and when it happened. We’ll all check the tape and see if you are telling the truth or whining because you lost and are a little bitch. One more thing, after the game, I had nothing but respect for Philip Rivers. He played a hell of a game in bad conditions on bad knees that need surgery. Tomlinson, on the other hand, was in there for like 3 plays and couldn’t go anymore. If he was so emotional about possibly getting to the Super Bowl (as Phil Simms kept telling us), don’t you think it would have taken multiple people to keep him off the field? Plus, I love how Norv Turner threw him under the bus after the game, saying the Tomlinson kept himself out. Way to coach Norv.
The Giants didn’t really win that game, the Packers lost it. I will give the Giants credit, they played very good defense and Eli was just competent enough to win the game. However, they made numerous mistakes that the Packers never capitalized on. If they hope to win the Super Bowl, they need to cut down on the errors and take advantage of any errors the Pats make. There is no way around this. How did the Giants not keep feeding Plaxico Burress? At one point, he even told the Packers bench no one could cover him. Maybe he should have told his own coaching staff and Eli, as he could have been utilized even more than he already was.
I will hold off on making any Super Bowl predictions until next week, as Tom Brady may need his foot amputated. I’ll be back in a day or two with more fun filled comments to make your day just that much brighter.
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