Today, we’re going to play a little spirited game of “Who Am I”. I’m going to describe a person and it’ll be up to you, the faithful reader, to try and guess to it is. The answer will be at the end of today’s post. I’m also going to give my predictions for the AFC and NFC Championship Games. Oh joy. Well, let’s get this started.
I am a writer/pseudo-celebrity who writes for a major sports website. I started out writing moderately funny stuff about sports but quickly turned into a self-aggrandizing ass clown. In my columns, I drop so many names; you would think I was People Magazine. I want to sound cool, so I tell you how I went to this person’s house or how I saw this person at a Clipper’s game. I tell you all about the stuff I do as a pseudo-celebrity, like lame go cart races and fantasy basketball leagues. I even recently started a podcast because it’s not enough for my hordes of fans to see my words, but hear my voice. I can barely muster the strength to write one column a week, as I’m so weighed down by my own ego, so I let my wife handle it or I let my fans carry the load by printing their emails or links. Only recently have I been espousing my political views, as I am in a position to make valid arguments on candidate’s views. I don’t worry about alienating any readers, because I know that I tell my readers what to think. I’m currently writing a book which will probably contain as little new material as my first book, and my hordes of fans will make insist I do a book tour, as they need to see me as well. Who Am I?
As for this weekend’s games, almost everyone and their mother thinks the Packers and Patriots are going to come though. But as my man Lee Corso would say, not so fast my friend. Now, the Giants and the Chargers can’t win by doing what they did last week, which is managing the game and not doing stupid things. Basically, both teams need to do exactly the same thing, which is create pressure on the Quarterback, manhandle Wide Receivers, and pray that their own Quarterbacks don’t make any stupid mistakes. The Chargers have a bit more of a problem because Billy Volek will be prominently involved, and we saw how well he did when he was a backup in Tennessee. Plus, Tomlinson and Gates are banged up, so their effectiveness goes down. Still, if there defense can make big plays and there offensive can have some bite, they can cause trouble for the Patriots. For the Giants to win they need to rush Favre (they were the best team in regards to sacks this year) and they need to use the running game to grind away at the Pack, and keep the ball out of Favre’s hands. I still think both the Packers and Patriots win, but I don’t think it is as cut and dried as everyone thinks.
The answer to this installment of “Who Am I”? The answer is ESPN’s Bill Simmons.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Why Indianapolis Sucks
I’m going to start out by saying I’m probably the most apathetic person you’ll ever met. Most of the time, I could really care less about anything that doesn’t effect me personally. Probably not the best character trait to admit, but hey, I don’t really care. With that said, I was horrified by the treatment of a 14 year old girl at the Indy/San Diego game on Sunday.
When the winners of the Punt, Pass, and Kick competition were announced, I took the time to go grab another beer, not really caring about far some 11 year old can toss a football. I get back in time to hear booing on the TV. I stopped and wondered why there would during the introduction of kids, I rewound my DVR and found out that young Anna Grant (the 14 year old winner of the 14-15 year old section) was being booed by the Indy fans for being so outrageous as to wear a Patriots jersey. She’s a 14 year old girl and she was booed by the crowd. (Author’s Note, the following will be directed at the fans who booed her and those who thought it would be a good idea but were too drunk to figure it out). I have one thing to ask. Why would you loser, toothless, alcoholic, slack-jawed, mouth breathing, inbred, mullet wearing ass-clowns boo a 14 year old girl? Is your life really that pathetic that you have to boo a teenage girl wearing a Patriots jersey? If she was in the crowd, would you have dumped your beer on her head? Seriously. I hope when you got back to your trailer park and put on your stained wife-beater and started to drink the moonshine your brother/uncle distilled through the radiator of the rusted out car on blocks next to his trailer you got enough satisfaction out of booing the teenage girl so you didn’t have to beat your cousin/wife for the night. What part of you actually thought “you know what; I’m going to boo this girl”? Was it the fact that she’s probably better at sports now than you ever were in your welfare check cashing life? Well, thankfully, you have another long winter to think about how your team screwed up in the playoffs again, and you can keep warm by watching your slow-witted Quarterback commercials for everything from anti-freeze (which will help in the distillation of the moonshine) to some local ambulance chaser (which you’ll need the next time you get nailed for DUI for driving your moped down the street after splurging on Budweiser at the local dive bar). There is a special place in hell reserved for you were you will be seated between Pol Pot and the Bay City Rollers for the rest of eternity.
The silver lining of this story is that the Patriots actually look like the good guys in all this, since they provided tickets to the girl and her family for this weekend’s AFC Championship Game (you know, the game Indy players will be watching). She will also get honored before the game on the field, where she will get the proper reception. Maybe your redneck hicks should watch on your small, rabbit-eared TV’s, you might learn something about respect.
When the winners of the Punt, Pass, and Kick competition were announced, I took the time to go grab another beer, not really caring about far some 11 year old can toss a football. I get back in time to hear booing on the TV. I stopped and wondered why there would during the introduction of kids, I rewound my DVR and found out that young Anna Grant (the 14 year old winner of the 14-15 year old section) was being booed by the Indy fans for being so outrageous as to wear a Patriots jersey. She’s a 14 year old girl and she was booed by the crowd. (Author’s Note, the following will be directed at the fans who booed her and those who thought it would be a good idea but were too drunk to figure it out). I have one thing to ask. Why would you loser, toothless, alcoholic, slack-jawed, mouth breathing, inbred, mullet wearing ass-clowns boo a 14 year old girl? Is your life really that pathetic that you have to boo a teenage girl wearing a Patriots jersey? If she was in the crowd, would you have dumped your beer on her head? Seriously. I hope when you got back to your trailer park and put on your stained wife-beater and started to drink the moonshine your brother/uncle distilled through the radiator of the rusted out car on blocks next to his trailer you got enough satisfaction out of booing the teenage girl so you didn’t have to beat your cousin/wife for the night. What part of you actually thought “you know what; I’m going to boo this girl”? Was it the fact that she’s probably better at sports now than you ever were in your welfare check cashing life? Well, thankfully, you have another long winter to think about how your team screwed up in the playoffs again, and you can keep warm by watching your slow-witted Quarterback commercials for everything from anti-freeze (which will help in the distillation of the moonshine) to some local ambulance chaser (which you’ll need the next time you get nailed for DUI for driving your moped down the street after splurging on Budweiser at the local dive bar). There is a special place in hell reserved for you were you will be seated between Pol Pot and the Bay City Rollers for the rest of eternity.
The silver lining of this story is that the Patriots actually look like the good guys in all this, since they provided tickets to the girl and her family for this weekend’s AFC Championship Game (you know, the game Indy players will be watching). She will also get honored before the game on the field, where she will get the proper reception. Maybe your redneck hicks should watch on your small, rabbit-eared TV’s, you might learn something about respect.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
A Chargers/Giants Superbowl?
Because I am your source of all things and because everybody has beaten it to death, I’m finally going to bring up some things about the weekend’s playoff games.
Was anyone really shocked at the way Green Bay and New England dismantled their opponents on Saturday? It was like they are cars with a fifth gear racing cars that top out at third gear. Plus, GB and NE have so many ways to beat you, plus only one or two teams can actually exploit their weaknesses. Those teams are no longer in the playoffs (Indy and Dallas, but more on this later). They only negative was that NE didn’t cover the spread, and only the degenerate gambling public cares about that (I’ve been known to stroll down to that part of town every once in a while).
Was everyone really shocked that Dallas and Indy got beat? If you really think about it, New York and San Diego played exactly the way any less talented team needs to play in order to beat a “better” team. Play consistent, don’t make stupid mistakes, get one or two big plays from quality guys, play solid defense, and make the other team beat you. Dallas and Indy really have no excuse for losing. Both had the ball at the end of the game and both crapped the bed. I’ve said it before here and I’ll say it again, Tony Romo can’t come through when it matters. He’s like Peyton Manning before the Super Bowl win. Even when Dallas was driving, was anyone actually thinking that they would score? I was just waiting for the inevitable interception, turnover on downs, or clock mismanagement to end the game. As for Indy, it was like Peyton flashed back to two years ago. I just kept sitting there waiting for him to finally come through and he never did. He had a first and goal with two minutes left and he couldn’t convert. Is this some sort of joke?
Back to GB and NE for a second. Both teams are secretly glad that Dallas and Indy got knocked off. Minus all the screaming and yelling from all the pink-hatted rump swabs out there, NE fans are happy that Indy lost. Why? Indy can exploit the NE weakness. They can use running backs and tight ends in short and intermediate routes to exploit the age of the linebackers. Plus, Indy has Wes Welker Light in Antonio Gonzalez, who would be able to shred whatever poor nickel back the Pats use, be it Randall Gay, Ellis Hobbs, or the guy working the drive-thru at the McDonald’s near Gillette. Let’s not forget that Asante Samuel (covering either Harrison or Wayne) would be suspect since he has a tendency to jump routes. Don’t get me wrong, the Pats would probably still beat Indy (considering it’s at Gillette and Tom Brady is still Tom Brady), but it would be closer than I would want to think about. As far as GB is concerned, they got beaten in Dallas once before, and let’s not delude ourselves into thinking it wouldn’t happen again. Minus Brett Favre, the GB offense is built on youth, something the veteran Dallas D would confuse and harass (of course, they didn’t confuse and harass Eli Manning, so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about).
This just takes us one step closer to something that Patriot fans dread and FOX execs love. A possible Patriots/Packers Superbowl. It would be good versus evil, the white hats of Favre against the black hats of Brady. Fox execs love it because everyone would watch (even more than normal). As a Patriots fan, I dread this because it’s possibly the final Favre game, and you know the NFL wants him to go out on top. Even impartial refs might feel a little pull to help him out. Maybe that corner did bump his receiver, maybe Seymour did come in a little late, and maybe the Pats are truly evil. All I know is that I’m worried about that. The whole country will be rooting for the Pack, except the small enclave of New England. I guess this is what its like to be a Yankees fan.
Was anyone really shocked at the way Green Bay and New England dismantled their opponents on Saturday? It was like they are cars with a fifth gear racing cars that top out at third gear. Plus, GB and NE have so many ways to beat you, plus only one or two teams can actually exploit their weaknesses. Those teams are no longer in the playoffs (Indy and Dallas, but more on this later). They only negative was that NE didn’t cover the spread, and only the degenerate gambling public cares about that (I’ve been known to stroll down to that part of town every once in a while).
Was everyone really shocked that Dallas and Indy got beat? If you really think about it, New York and San Diego played exactly the way any less talented team needs to play in order to beat a “better” team. Play consistent, don’t make stupid mistakes, get one or two big plays from quality guys, play solid defense, and make the other team beat you. Dallas and Indy really have no excuse for losing. Both had the ball at the end of the game and both crapped the bed. I’ve said it before here and I’ll say it again, Tony Romo can’t come through when it matters. He’s like Peyton Manning before the Super Bowl win. Even when Dallas was driving, was anyone actually thinking that they would score? I was just waiting for the inevitable interception, turnover on downs, or clock mismanagement to end the game. As for Indy, it was like Peyton flashed back to two years ago. I just kept sitting there waiting for him to finally come through and he never did. He had a first and goal with two minutes left and he couldn’t convert. Is this some sort of joke?
Back to GB and NE for a second. Both teams are secretly glad that Dallas and Indy got knocked off. Minus all the screaming and yelling from all the pink-hatted rump swabs out there, NE fans are happy that Indy lost. Why? Indy can exploit the NE weakness. They can use running backs and tight ends in short and intermediate routes to exploit the age of the linebackers. Plus, Indy has Wes Welker Light in Antonio Gonzalez, who would be able to shred whatever poor nickel back the Pats use, be it Randall Gay, Ellis Hobbs, or the guy working the drive-thru at the McDonald’s near Gillette. Let’s not forget that Asante Samuel (covering either Harrison or Wayne) would be suspect since he has a tendency to jump routes. Don’t get me wrong, the Pats would probably still beat Indy (considering it’s at Gillette and Tom Brady is still Tom Brady), but it would be closer than I would want to think about. As far as GB is concerned, they got beaten in Dallas once before, and let’s not delude ourselves into thinking it wouldn’t happen again. Minus Brett Favre, the GB offense is built on youth, something the veteran Dallas D would confuse and harass (of course, they didn’t confuse and harass Eli Manning, so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about).
This just takes us one step closer to something that Patriot fans dread and FOX execs love. A possible Patriots/Packers Superbowl. It would be good versus evil, the white hats of Favre against the black hats of Brady. Fox execs love it because everyone would watch (even more than normal). As a Patriots fan, I dread this because it’s possibly the final Favre game, and you know the NFL wants him to go out on top. Even impartial refs might feel a little pull to help him out. Maybe that corner did bump his receiver, maybe Seymour did come in a little late, and maybe the Pats are truly evil. All I know is that I’m worried about that. The whole country will be rooting for the Pack, except the small enclave of New England. I guess this is what its like to be a Yankees fan.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
You Haven't Struck Out Yet
With the writer’s strike in full swing with no signs of ending any time soon, people are getting desperate for new programming to watch. You might start wondering things like “Was the second season of “Dark Angel” really as horrid as I remember?” or “If I sign that petition, maybe “Salute Your Shorts” will hit DVD faster” or even “Maybe I should check out “American Idol”, just to see what the fuss is all about.” Believe me, these are things you don’t want to start thinking (except maybe the “Salute Your Shorts” thing). Fear not loyal readers, I have come up with five shows premiering shortly that should chase away these bad thoughts (in order of importance).
5) Torchwood (BBC America, season 2 premiering 01/26) – Since I still have three episodes remaining in Season 1, I really can’t tell you where we left off, but the season finale was titled “End of Days”, so you know something big went down. Minus the whole Owen and Gwen hooking up thing (which is more palpable after Suzie came back in that one episode) the first season has been top notch. There were a lot of stand alone episodes that gave us insight into the characters and the organization. From what I hear, we get a nice little story arc at the end of the season, so I have something to look forward to. Enough of the past, let’s talk future. With a solid base of character development set, I expect to get what I get from most British shows, solid story telling that draws you in and leaves you wanting more.
4) Psych (USA Network, second half of season 2 premiering 01/11) – We left off with Shawn and Gus clearing Gus’s parents of the murder of a crotchety old neighbor in a funny Christmas episode. I know most people think “oh great, another cop show”, but it’s actually kind of unique and funny. Any show that makes a reference to the movie “Top Secret”, gives us a joke about V’Ger and Stephen Collins, and states that Chad Michael Murray is pure evil is alright in my book. So, what can we expect for the remainder of Season 2? I would expect more of the same, which means loads of pop culture references and some nifty detective work.
3) Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles (FOX, season 1 premiering 01/13) – The show picks up where T2 ended, with Sarah and John on the run. I don’t know if they are pretending like T3 never happened (you know, sort of like season 3 of “Roswell”). I also don’t know if I’m watching this because FOX bombarded me with ads for it or if it’s just because of Summer Glau (River from “Firefly”). Basically, I think this show is either going to suck eggs or rock the house. I really don’t see any in between on this. Basically, yet another Terminator is sent to kill John, but yet another Terminator comes to save him. Wait, wasn’t that the plot of T2? I’m sure they’ll fill in the plot holes, but who knows. Most of the crap on TV panders to the lowest common denominator, any those people don’t care about plot holes. They want scantly clad women and explosions.
1A) Lost (ABC, season 4 premiering 01/31) – I had a hard time picking between this and the other number one show, so I just figured “screw it” and made it a tie. We left off season 3 with the survivors of Oceanic 815 getting rescued and we find out that Jack’s crazy flashbacks during the finale were actually flash-forwards. If you weren’t completely awe struck when Jack was yelling “We have to go back Kate. We have to go back!” well, you just don’t deserve to have a television. So, where do we go from here? Well, you gotta figure we’ll actually get some answers, as well as even more questions. With this show, I’ve learned its best not to guess or think too much about these things and just sit back and enjoy the ride.
1B) Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi Channel, season 4 premiering in 03/2008) – You know this was coming. We left off at the end of season 3 finding out the identities of four of the final five Cylons and Starbuck magically reappears in a Viper next to Lee, telling him she’s alive and knows how to get to Earth. We got the movie “Razor” a little while ago (a flash back) that told us that Starbuck was the “harbinger of death” (of course, only Shaw heard this, and she’s dead). Now, I don’t know about you, but harbinger of death doesn’t sound like a good thing. Let’s not forget that Baltar has been acquitted in his war crimes trial, so he’ll be fluttering about. We already know that this is the final season, so we should get answers to all the major questions. Who is the final Cylon, do they find Earth, and will Adama grow back his 80’s style mustache?
5) Torchwood (BBC America, season 2 premiering 01/26) – Since I still have three episodes remaining in Season 1, I really can’t tell you where we left off, but the season finale was titled “End of Days”, so you know something big went down. Minus the whole Owen and Gwen hooking up thing (which is more palpable after Suzie came back in that one episode) the first season has been top notch. There were a lot of stand alone episodes that gave us insight into the characters and the organization. From what I hear, we get a nice little story arc at the end of the season, so I have something to look forward to. Enough of the past, let’s talk future. With a solid base of character development set, I expect to get what I get from most British shows, solid story telling that draws you in and leaves you wanting more.
4) Psych (USA Network, second half of season 2 premiering 01/11) – We left off with Shawn and Gus clearing Gus’s parents of the murder of a crotchety old neighbor in a funny Christmas episode. I know most people think “oh great, another cop show”, but it’s actually kind of unique and funny. Any show that makes a reference to the movie “Top Secret”, gives us a joke about V’Ger and Stephen Collins, and states that Chad Michael Murray is pure evil is alright in my book. So, what can we expect for the remainder of Season 2? I would expect more of the same, which means loads of pop culture references and some nifty detective work.
3) Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles (FOX, season 1 premiering 01/13) – The show picks up where T2 ended, with Sarah and John on the run. I don’t know if they are pretending like T3 never happened (you know, sort of like season 3 of “Roswell”). I also don’t know if I’m watching this because FOX bombarded me with ads for it or if it’s just because of Summer Glau (River from “Firefly”). Basically, I think this show is either going to suck eggs or rock the house. I really don’t see any in between on this. Basically, yet another Terminator is sent to kill John, but yet another Terminator comes to save him. Wait, wasn’t that the plot of T2? I’m sure they’ll fill in the plot holes, but who knows. Most of the crap on TV panders to the lowest common denominator, any those people don’t care about plot holes. They want scantly clad women and explosions.
1A) Lost (ABC, season 4 premiering 01/31) – I had a hard time picking between this and the other number one show, so I just figured “screw it” and made it a tie. We left off season 3 with the survivors of Oceanic 815 getting rescued and we find out that Jack’s crazy flashbacks during the finale were actually flash-forwards. If you weren’t completely awe struck when Jack was yelling “We have to go back Kate. We have to go back!” well, you just don’t deserve to have a television. So, where do we go from here? Well, you gotta figure we’ll actually get some answers, as well as even more questions. With this show, I’ve learned its best not to guess or think too much about these things and just sit back and enjoy the ride.
1B) Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi Channel, season 4 premiering in 03/2008) – You know this was coming. We left off at the end of season 3 finding out the identities of four of the final five Cylons and Starbuck magically reappears in a Viper next to Lee, telling him she’s alive and knows how to get to Earth. We got the movie “Razor” a little while ago (a flash back) that told us that Starbuck was the “harbinger of death” (of course, only Shaw heard this, and she’s dead). Now, I don’t know about you, but harbinger of death doesn’t sound like a good thing. Let’s not forget that Baltar has been acquitted in his war crimes trial, so he’ll be fluttering about. We already know that this is the final season, so we should get answers to all the major questions. Who is the final Cylon, do they find Earth, and will Adama grow back his 80’s style mustache?
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Ohio State and Virginia Tech Lose. Is It My Birthday?
It’s that time of year again. You know the time. The college football season is over. We have a new champion, and thank God it isn’t Ohio State. I’m not saying I dislike Ohio State, its just that……well, I dislike Ohio State. But more on that later. I’ll give my thoughts and observations on the Orange Bowl, the BCS Championship Game, and I might throw in something about Hawaii for all my Hawaiian fans out there.
First, let’s talk about the Orange Bowl. I have to say that Aqib Talib deserved the MVP of the game. I figured they voters would be dumb and give it to Todd Reesing, but they actually proved to be a little smart. I’m not dissing Reesing, who had a very good game, but Talib deserved it. The interception for a TD was the first score of the game and entrenched the momentum with Kansas.
In fact, the whole Kansas defense played amazing, netting three turnovers that resulted in 17 points. Of course, the Virginia Tech offense is woeful. VT did the right thing by benching Brendan Ore for the first quarter, but he is really there only offensive weapon. Look at there quarterbacks. Glennon is spotty and Taylor is too young. I got swept up in VT because of the quality of competition in the ACC. I love the ACC, but it just wasn’t that stacked this year, and VT looked good by comparison. VT got by on good defense and good special teams. If you can hold your own in both these areas, you can beat VT. That is exactly what Kansas did and that is exactly why Kansas won.
Now, on to the BCS Championship Game, where LSU decided to add a degree of difficulty to there victory. First, they pretty much spot OSU the spread, and then decide to let them stay
within striking distance the whole game. Every time they had a chance to run away with it, they took there foot off the pedal and let everyone sweat a little. I will admit I was a little worried when the score was 10-0 and the LSU offense looked like a wounded duck. Then once the LSU defense started to contain Beanie Wells (what grown man has the nickname “Beanie”?) they put the game in Todd Boeckman’s hands, and that’s not a good place. Sure, if you have the play action working and your offensive line is holding, it’s all good, but Boeckman didn’t have the time he was used to. This was exemplified when Boeckman got absolutely wrecked (see picture) by Ali Highsmith on a 4th down play. Part of this was due to the great coverage by the LSU secondary.
We can’t forget the offensive play of LSU. Matt Flynn was a great leader out there, which was probably the reason Perrilloux only saw the field once. Jacob Hester once again proved that white guys can be running backs. Plus, Flynn spread it all over the field, hitting 8 different receivers. Ohio State just looked overmatched when LSU went into the spread formation, especially with LSU’s first touchdown, when LSU stacked one side of the field with four receivers, than Flynn hit Dickson on the weak side when he was wide open. But, let’s not give all the credit to the LSU offense.
Some of the credit needs to go to the Ohio State defense. They played horrid at times. The best example was on Early Doucet’s 4 yard touchdown reception, where he broke like 57 tackles to make it into the end zone. My mother could have tackled him. Plus, there were a bunch of really stupid personal fouls, five in all. The worst was at the end of the first drive by LSU in the second half. Ohio State was only down 24-10 and had just stopped LSU to open the third quarter, and during the punt, the punter gets roughed, yet the OSU player somehow misses the ball. I’m still not sure how he missed it. Boom, 15 yard penalty and automatic first down. LSU then scores with the Doucet TD mentioned above and go up 31-10. They should have just ended it there, but LSU decided start trading touchdown’s with Ohio State, giving there fan base a collective coronary.
Were the two games fun? Sure, for two separate reasons. The Orange Bowl was fun because I got to see Kansas actually beat a quality team and I got to see the Patriot’s first round pick (here’s hoping) streak down the sideline for the first score of the game. The BCS Championship was fun because I got to see Ohio State lose, and that’s always fun. That pretty much wraps up the whacky and wild season in college football. This means I get to write geeky articles about TV and the NFL until the soccer season starts (I can almost see the Duchess shaking her head).
First, let’s talk about the Orange Bowl. I have to say that Aqib Talib deserved the MVP of the game. I figured they voters would be dumb and give it to Todd Reesing, but they actually proved to be a little smart. I’m not dissing Reesing, who had a very good game, but Talib deserved it. The interception for a TD was the first score of the game and entrenched the momentum with Kansas.
In fact, the whole Kansas defense played amazing, netting three turnovers that resulted in 17 points. Of course, the Virginia Tech offense is woeful. VT did the right thing by benching Brendan Ore for the first quarter, but he is really there only offensive weapon. Look at there quarterbacks. Glennon is spotty and Taylor is too young. I got swept up in VT because of the quality of competition in the ACC. I love the ACC, but it just wasn’t that stacked this year, and VT looked good by comparison. VT got by on good defense and good special teams. If you can hold your own in both these areas, you can beat VT. That is exactly what Kansas did and that is exactly why Kansas won.
Now, on to the BCS Championship Game, where LSU decided to add a degree of difficulty to there victory. First, they pretty much spot OSU the spread, and then decide to let them stay
within striking distance the whole game. Every time they had a chance to run away with it, they took there foot off the pedal and let everyone sweat a little. I will admit I was a little worried when the score was 10-0 and the LSU offense looked like a wounded duck. Then once the LSU defense started to contain Beanie Wells (what grown man has the nickname “Beanie”?) they put the game in Todd Boeckman’s hands, and that’s not a good place. Sure, if you have the play action working and your offensive line is holding, it’s all good, but Boeckman didn’t have the time he was used to. This was exemplified when Boeckman got absolutely wrecked (see picture) by Ali Highsmith on a 4th down play. Part of this was due to the great coverage by the LSU secondary.We can’t forget the offensive play of LSU. Matt Flynn was a great leader out there, which was probably the reason Perrilloux only saw the field once. Jacob Hester once again proved that white guys can be running backs. Plus, Flynn spread it all over the field, hitting 8 different receivers. Ohio State just looked overmatched when LSU went into the spread formation, especially with LSU’s first touchdown, when LSU stacked one side of the field with four receivers, than Flynn hit Dickson on the weak side when he was wide open. But, let’s not give all the credit to the LSU offense.
Some of the credit needs to go to the Ohio State defense. They played horrid at times. The best example was on Early Doucet’s 4 yard touchdown reception, where he broke like 57 tackles to make it into the end zone. My mother could have tackled him. Plus, there were a bunch of really stupid personal fouls, five in all. The worst was at the end of the first drive by LSU in the second half. Ohio State was only down 24-10 and had just stopped LSU to open the third quarter, and during the punt, the punter gets roughed, yet the OSU player somehow misses the ball. I’m still not sure how he missed it. Boom, 15 yard penalty and automatic first down. LSU then scores with the Doucet TD mentioned above and go up 31-10. They should have just ended it there, but LSU decided start trading touchdown’s with Ohio State, giving there fan base a collective coronary.
Were the two games fun? Sure, for two separate reasons. The Orange Bowl was fun because I got to see Kansas actually beat a quality team and I got to see the Patriot’s first round pick (here’s hoping) streak down the sideline for the first score of the game. The BCS Championship was fun because I got to see Ohio State lose, and that’s always fun. That pretty much wraps up the whacky and wild season in college football. This means I get to write geeky articles about TV and the NFL until the soccer season starts (I can almost see the Duchess shaking her head).
Thursday, January 3, 2008
I'm An Idiot And Other Observations From Bowl Week
The major problem with committing my thoughts to this blog instead of ranting at my friends is that when I’m wrong, I can’t just deny everything. It’s right there in black and white for the entire world to see. So, as the college bowls have proven so far, I’m an idiot. So, here are some comments after the fact.
I misjudged the Rose Bowl, but not completely (like I did with the Fiesta Bowl). I thought that USC was overrated, which was wrong. They are very good when Booty is healthy and working with a lead. There defense is top-notch. Still, they were one series away from getting smoked. In the third quarter, USC is up 21-10, yet Illinois is driving. Illinois in the doorstep after Rashard Mendenhall put on the Superman cape yet again and got 55 yards on a screen pass. Then, with receiver Jacob Willis sprinting toward the end zone, the ball gets popped out of his hands and recovered by USC in the end zone. USC then drives the length of the field for the TD and for the victory. That one series just seemed to completely deflate Illinois and they couldn’t get anything started after that. I misjudged the fight Illinois had in them.
I was wholly wrong about the Fiesta Bowl. West Virginia got it done. They completely smoked Oklahoma. This was for two main reasons. One, they are an extremely athletic and physical team. They were able to dominate the line of scrimmage and they harassed Sam Bradford all night long. Two, Oklahoma was out-coached. Weird that one of the most respected coaches in the game was outsmarted by a guy who had the word “interim” in front of his title, but it’s true. Stoops got desperate and that’s not something you like to see in your coach during a bowl game. There is nothing wrong with gambling, but gambling at the wrong times can be disastrous, as proven by Stoops. Here’s hoping that Bill Stewart loses the “interim” part of his title.
What a gag job by ASU in the Holiday Bowl. It was like they purposely went out of there way to prove me wrong (no, I’m not paranoid). Texas just isn’t that good.
Colt Brennan doesn’t deserve all the blame for the Sugar Bowl disaster. If anything, his offensive line failed him. He is still a viable NFL quarterback. Are you seriously telling me that you would trust Quinn Fry over Colt Brennan? I don’t even know who Quinn Fry is, yet some NFL team is trusting him as there starting QB. And Cleo Lemon? That sounds like a drink my girlfriend, The Duchess, would order at a bar instead of a starting NFL quarterback. I mean, Miami needs a quarterback. It’s not like Brady Quinn fell into there lap in last years draft and instead of taking him, took the wildly overrated Ted Ginn Jr. and then took John Beck in the second round. Oh wait…..
Along the same lines, Hawaii’s beat down does NOT prove that non-BCS schools don’t belong in BCS bowls. Right now, non-BCS schools have a 2-1 record in BCS bowl games. In my estimation, the only team out there right now that can beat Georgia is LSU. Georgia is a buzz saw and they feel they were slighted. That’s not a delightful combo for any team. Plus, it helps a lot when your defensive linemen have free rein to rush the quarterback (do they teach blocking at Hawaii?).
What the hell happened in the Clemson/Auburn game? Yes, I’m a Clemson fan, but that was pathetic. Auburn was using an offense that they only implemented a week ago, yet everything looked good. The problem was the Clemson completely forgot about there intermediate passing game and either went with bombs or screens. Screens are good if the defense is over-pursuing, but Auburn is too good for that. As they probably saw in game film, Clemson was going to do that and was prepared. They should have used slants and crosses to open up the middle of the field, then you can use the bomb or screens to take advantage of a softened up defense. Well, wait until next year I guess.
While watching the bowl games, I think that the team of Brent Musburger and Kirk Herbstreit are definitely the A team, with the team of Brad Nessler and Bob Griese a close B team, and Mike Patrick and Todd Blackledge a solid C team. The FOX team of Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis would be a solid R team. I wanted to hit mute during the Sugar Bowl.
Tell me I wasn’t the only one surprised not only by the beat-down that Oregon delivered, but the impressive victory by Michigan. Rich Rodriguez was on the sideline for Pete’s sake and the players were focused on one task, beating Florida. Since I played the “let’s win one last one for the old coach” card in my analysis of the Ohio State/Michigan game, I figured it just wasn’t happening. Oops.
Well, I’ll probably come back on Tuesday with some insights on the Orange Bowl and the BCS Championship Game. Does anyone outside of Ohio actually think that Ohio State has a shot in this one? I didn't think so.
I misjudged the Rose Bowl, but not completely (like I did with the Fiesta Bowl). I thought that USC was overrated, which was wrong. They are very good when Booty is healthy and working with a lead. There defense is top-notch. Still, they were one series away from getting smoked. In the third quarter, USC is up 21-10, yet Illinois is driving. Illinois in the doorstep after Rashard Mendenhall put on the Superman cape yet again and got 55 yards on a screen pass. Then, with receiver Jacob Willis sprinting toward the end zone, the ball gets popped out of his hands and recovered by USC in the end zone. USC then drives the length of the field for the TD and for the victory. That one series just seemed to completely deflate Illinois and they couldn’t get anything started after that. I misjudged the fight Illinois had in them.
I was wholly wrong about the Fiesta Bowl. West Virginia got it done. They completely smoked Oklahoma. This was for two main reasons. One, they are an extremely athletic and physical team. They were able to dominate the line of scrimmage and they harassed Sam Bradford all night long. Two, Oklahoma was out-coached. Weird that one of the most respected coaches in the game was outsmarted by a guy who had the word “interim” in front of his title, but it’s true. Stoops got desperate and that’s not something you like to see in your coach during a bowl game. There is nothing wrong with gambling, but gambling at the wrong times can be disastrous, as proven by Stoops. Here’s hoping that Bill Stewart loses the “interim” part of his title.
What a gag job by ASU in the Holiday Bowl. It was like they purposely went out of there way to prove me wrong (no, I’m not paranoid). Texas just isn’t that good.
Colt Brennan doesn’t deserve all the blame for the Sugar Bowl disaster. If anything, his offensive line failed him. He is still a viable NFL quarterback. Are you seriously telling me that you would trust Quinn Fry over Colt Brennan? I don’t even know who Quinn Fry is, yet some NFL team is trusting him as there starting QB. And Cleo Lemon? That sounds like a drink my girlfriend, The Duchess, would order at a bar instead of a starting NFL quarterback. I mean, Miami needs a quarterback. It’s not like Brady Quinn fell into there lap in last years draft and instead of taking him, took the wildly overrated Ted Ginn Jr. and then took John Beck in the second round. Oh wait…..
Along the same lines, Hawaii’s beat down does NOT prove that non-BCS schools don’t belong in BCS bowls. Right now, non-BCS schools have a 2-1 record in BCS bowl games. In my estimation, the only team out there right now that can beat Georgia is LSU. Georgia is a buzz saw and they feel they were slighted. That’s not a delightful combo for any team. Plus, it helps a lot when your defensive linemen have free rein to rush the quarterback (do they teach blocking at Hawaii?).
What the hell happened in the Clemson/Auburn game? Yes, I’m a Clemson fan, but that was pathetic. Auburn was using an offense that they only implemented a week ago, yet everything looked good. The problem was the Clemson completely forgot about there intermediate passing game and either went with bombs or screens. Screens are good if the defense is over-pursuing, but Auburn is too good for that. As they probably saw in game film, Clemson was going to do that and was prepared. They should have used slants and crosses to open up the middle of the field, then you can use the bomb or screens to take advantage of a softened up defense. Well, wait until next year I guess.
While watching the bowl games, I think that the team of Brent Musburger and Kirk Herbstreit are definitely the A team, with the team of Brad Nessler and Bob Griese a close B team, and Mike Patrick and Todd Blackledge a solid C team. The FOX team of Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis would be a solid R team. I wanted to hit mute during the Sugar Bowl.
Tell me I wasn’t the only one surprised not only by the beat-down that Oregon delivered, but the impressive victory by Michigan. Rich Rodriguez was on the sideline for Pete’s sake and the players were focused on one task, beating Florida. Since I played the “let’s win one last one for the old coach” card in my analysis of the Ohio State/Michigan game, I figured it just wasn’t happening. Oops.
Well, I’ll probably come back on Tuesday with some insights on the Orange Bowl and the BCS Championship Game. Does anyone outside of Ohio actually think that Ohio State has a shot in this one? I didn't think so.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Any Worse
While the DVR is one of the greatest inventions since beer glass shaped like a boot, it can also have negative side effects. One of them being that if it fouls up, you pretty much get screwed. This happened to my buddy Seamus a few weeks ago when the last new “Smallville” (entitled “Gemini”) was on and his DVR didn’t recognize it as being new, so he didn’t get it. Being the friend I am, I figured I would review it for him. After watching it, he was the lucky one.
After we get the range of previous week’s clips and Remy Zero’s fifteen minutes of fame, we get to the action. It seems that two weeks have past since Clark was at the Fortress of Solitude and still no sign of Kara. He comes back and within the first few words to Lana, I knew something was up. Tom Welling isn’t that good of an actor. He has two styles, Clark and non-Clark. He was sporting non-Clark. He tells Lana he wants to see everything she has on Lex, so they can take him down together. We go to the Daily Planet where we see Lois sucking face with the new editor and finding out she has a big interview with Lex so she can do her expose. As a side note, her getting this huge story is about a pathetic as Hawaii’s offensive line in last night’s Sugar Bowl. Anyway, she gets a call from someone saying he’s a clone that Lex created, and if she doesn’t tell his story, he’s going to blow up Chloe. My question, why doesn’t he just post his crap on the internet like every other crack pot? Journalist do there own good job of soiling the name of newspapers, this guy doesn’t need to jump in. Anyway, she tries to send Chloe an email and the clone cut he wires so she has no internet access and he tells her Chloe dies if she tries to warn her or anyone else. Do-do-do.
Anyway, Clark and Lana go to her crib at the Isis Foundation and check out all her surveillance all Lex (which is way beyond stalker) and she tells him about this substance, which is basically Brainiac, and how it probably infected this chick that she just happens to have in the basement. Anyway, they get a bunch of binary code and take it to Chloe to figure it out. If it has to do with computers, Chloe is your girl. We go back to the Planet, and Lois uses a bunch of dots on an inter-office envelope to warn Chloe about the bomb on her. Chloe gets the envelope as she’s walking to the elevator and jumps on with Jimmy Olsen (remember when he was your classic drug dealer/suspected rapist on “Veronica Mars”?). As she looks at the envelope the elevator stops trapping them both inside. They search through her purse to find said bomb and find out its in box from her secret Santa. That’s a crappy Christmas gift, far worse than socks. One complaint about this. They open the box and there is the classic grey brick that says “C-4, Composite Explosive” on it. Some schmoo off the streets can just buy this? Shouldn’t he have made it from common household products? Again, no one is using the internet. Anyway, crazy clone guy wants Lois to ask Lex questions that he feeds her, and makes her wear a flower/camera broach and an ear piece to feed her questions. So, she gets to the editor’s office and starts asking him the crazy questions, and the clone makes her draw a gun and point it at the editor (who we learned was Lex’s long lost (and I thought dead) brother). Lex then doesn’t something we’ve all wanted to do and cracks Lois upside the head with a blunt instrument once the crazy clone shows up.
The crazy clone starts spouting all these memories he had as a kid, saying they were implanted by Lex. The crazy thing is that the editor has the same exact memories. It turns out that Lex tried to have a clone of Julian made before, and it failed, resulting in this crazy guy running around. He perfected it with the editor. Anyway, Lex shoots him, but not before he presses the button to set off the bomb to kill Chloe. In the mean time, Clark and Lana have shown up at the Planet looking for everyone’s favorite computer genius, only to find her not there. They stumble across Lois’s desk and find that email she tried to send Chloe warning her about the bomb. Back in the elevator, Chloe tells Jimmy she’s a meteor freak and they kiss as the bomb counts down closer and closer to zero. Clark, figuring they must be in the elevator, uses his superhuman speed and strength to run to the elevator, pry open the door, and hurl the bomb into the night’s sky, where it explodes harmlessly. Jimmy and Chloe talk and she performs her special ability on his cut finger. Since when did she learn to control her ability? The only time she used it before was when she accidentally cried on Lois, bringing her back to life. I guess now all she needs to do is lay a hand on a cut and think really hard. So, in the end, Julian breaks up with Lois and Chloe tells Clark that the binary code is Brainiac trying to “re-boot” and he is closing to doing so. She leaves and Clark and Lana hug, not before his face flashes steel and we find out its really Bizarro and real Clark is encased in stasis in the Fortress (I knew it!!!). The End.
So, we learned that Julian is a clone, that Bizarro is on the loose, that Clark is in stasis, that Chloe can control her healing ability, that Lex is up to something sinister, and that I lost 45 minutes of my life that I can never get back. Basically, I’m giving it * ½ stars (out of 5), and that's being generous.
After we get the range of previous week’s clips and Remy Zero’s fifteen minutes of fame, we get to the action. It seems that two weeks have past since Clark was at the Fortress of Solitude and still no sign of Kara. He comes back and within the first few words to Lana, I knew something was up. Tom Welling isn’t that good of an actor. He has two styles, Clark and non-Clark. He was sporting non-Clark. He tells Lana he wants to see everything she has on Lex, so they can take him down together. We go to the Daily Planet where we see Lois sucking face with the new editor and finding out she has a big interview with Lex so she can do her expose. As a side note, her getting this huge story is about a pathetic as Hawaii’s offensive line in last night’s Sugar Bowl. Anyway, she gets a call from someone saying he’s a clone that Lex created, and if she doesn’t tell his story, he’s going to blow up Chloe. My question, why doesn’t he just post his crap on the internet like every other crack pot? Journalist do there own good job of soiling the name of newspapers, this guy doesn’t need to jump in. Anyway, she tries to send Chloe an email and the clone cut he wires so she has no internet access and he tells her Chloe dies if she tries to warn her or anyone else. Do-do-do.
Anyway, Clark and Lana go to her crib at the Isis Foundation and check out all her surveillance all Lex (which is way beyond stalker) and she tells him about this substance, which is basically Brainiac, and how it probably infected this chick that she just happens to have in the basement. Anyway, they get a bunch of binary code and take it to Chloe to figure it out. If it has to do with computers, Chloe is your girl. We go back to the Planet, and Lois uses a bunch of dots on an inter-office envelope to warn Chloe about the bomb on her. Chloe gets the envelope as she’s walking to the elevator and jumps on with Jimmy Olsen (remember when he was your classic drug dealer/suspected rapist on “Veronica Mars”?). As she looks at the envelope the elevator stops trapping them both inside. They search through her purse to find said bomb and find out its in box from her secret Santa. That’s a crappy Christmas gift, far worse than socks. One complaint about this. They open the box and there is the classic grey brick that says “C-4, Composite Explosive” on it. Some schmoo off the streets can just buy this? Shouldn’t he have made it from common household products? Again, no one is using the internet. Anyway, crazy clone guy wants Lois to ask Lex questions that he feeds her, and makes her wear a flower/camera broach and an ear piece to feed her questions. So, she gets to the editor’s office and starts asking him the crazy questions, and the clone makes her draw a gun and point it at the editor (who we learned was Lex’s long lost (and I thought dead) brother). Lex then doesn’t something we’ve all wanted to do and cracks Lois upside the head with a blunt instrument once the crazy clone shows up.
The crazy clone starts spouting all these memories he had as a kid, saying they were implanted by Lex. The crazy thing is that the editor has the same exact memories. It turns out that Lex tried to have a clone of Julian made before, and it failed, resulting in this crazy guy running around. He perfected it with the editor. Anyway, Lex shoots him, but not before he presses the button to set off the bomb to kill Chloe. In the mean time, Clark and Lana have shown up at the Planet looking for everyone’s favorite computer genius, only to find her not there. They stumble across Lois’s desk and find that email she tried to send Chloe warning her about the bomb. Back in the elevator, Chloe tells Jimmy she’s a meteor freak and they kiss as the bomb counts down closer and closer to zero. Clark, figuring they must be in the elevator, uses his superhuman speed and strength to run to the elevator, pry open the door, and hurl the bomb into the night’s sky, where it explodes harmlessly. Jimmy and Chloe talk and she performs her special ability on his cut finger. Since when did she learn to control her ability? The only time she used it before was when she accidentally cried on Lois, bringing her back to life. I guess now all she needs to do is lay a hand on a cut and think really hard. So, in the end, Julian breaks up with Lois and Chloe tells Clark that the binary code is Brainiac trying to “re-boot” and he is closing to doing so. She leaves and Clark and Lana hug, not before his face flashes steel and we find out its really Bizarro and real Clark is encased in stasis in the Fortress (I knew it!!!). The End.
So, we learned that Julian is a clone, that Bizarro is on the loose, that Clark is in stasis, that Chloe can control her healing ability, that Lex is up to something sinister, and that I lost 45 minutes of my life that I can never get back. Basically, I’m giving it * ½ stars (out of 5), and that's being generous.
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