Championships, Drunken Riots, and Other Thoughts

I know I haven’t written since before the NBA Finals, which once again proves my point about how long it is. Let’s just say I’ve been a little lazy lately. This means that you, my faithful readers, have suffered. So, let’s get this ball rolling with some random thoughts about the past week or so.

I watched a little bit of the NBA Finals. Yes, it drew me in and it does make me a bandwagon jumper. Anyway, I thought the Celtics did exactly what they needed to do and I sincerely believe no one was beating them. The officiating was horrible, but I guess that’s just par for the course. In Game 6, I sincerely believe Rajon Rando was on coke. The guy was flying all over the court and attacking the basket. Those are things you need to do, especially against a soft defensive team like the Lakers.

While making Boston “Title Town USA” for this decade, the Celtics victory also brought out the "idiots". I don’t understand the “idiots”. You know, the college kids and drunks who want to use the victory as a chance to riot, destroy property, and have to answer “yes” to the question “Have you ever been convicted of a crime” on job application forms. Seriously, what is the point of these mouth-breathing, inbred, drunken hooligan’s destroying property and getting in fights? Is this cool? Don’t people have better things to do? Have I suddenly morphed into my father? The answers are respectively “no”, “no”, and “please God no”.

Am I the only one looking forward to college football? Seriously, baseball in June is for the hardcore. The beginning of the season is fun because you’ve been without baseball for so long. The end of the season is fun because the pennant race is heating up. The middle of the season is just dragging it out. Unfortunately, it’s either watch baseball, golf, NASCAR, or the paint drying channel. I mean, I could always spend quality time with my girlfriend, but come on. Anyway, I want college football to come back and soon before baseball drives me to drink….more. It’s going to be fun watching all the classic tales play out. Like Ohio State will be overrated and overhyped, until they either buckle in a game they should win or ride the wave all the way to the BCS Championship Game where they will be blown out of the water by a vastly superior team and everyone will admonish themselves for picking them, then repeat the same vicious cycle. Plus, you always have one conference that is horrible but everyone says is “so tough” (read: Big 12) and one conference that everyone says is soft but is actually exciting to watch because of parity (read: ACC). I’m getting giddy just thinking about it.

I watched the premiere of “Wipeout” on ABC last night. Normally, I don’t like to shill for anything on ABC/ESPN that doesn’t involve Erin Andrews, but I’m making an exception in this case. This is more of a sport than a TV show. Basically, it’s “American Gladiators” without the gladiators. It actually seems like it takes a certain level of athleticism to get through it, not to mention a very low shame level. The finals were made up of a loud-mouth, a rookie cop, a dancer, and a “go-go dancer”. It was all good fun, but led me to one very important question. When did “go-go dancer” become a euphemism for stripper? I thought we all agreed it was “exotic dancer”. Oh well, live and learn.

The Playoffs That Never End

There are things in this world that we need more of and things we need less of. We need more Desmond/Penny moments on “Lost”, striker options for the US Men’s National Soccer Team, episodes of “Doctor Who” with Martha Jones, and quality middle relief in baseball. We need less of TMZ, athletes with “off the field issues”, reality TV, and the NBA Playoffs.

With the NBA Finals descending upon us, I have but one thought. Thank God. This feels less like a playoff and more like an endurance test. Granted, I don’t watch the NBA, so I’m not sure who it’s been tougher on. On one side, you have the fans, who have to stay up late watching these games and then wait days on end for the next game. On the other side, you have the non-NBA sports fans, who have to wade through websites and TV shows that cover the playoffs like it was the Second Coming before finding out the score of Red Sox/A’s game.

Now, I realize that every sport needs a playoff (except college football for some insane reason), but can’t we shorten this up. It feels like it’s been going on since Christmas. At this point, they’ve exhausted just about every story angle. I feel that tomorrow I’m going to turn on ESPN and see a story about the Celtics ball-boy or some Laker Girl who got hooked on smack but finally found God. How about a best of 5 series in the first round, tighten up the days off, and get rid of the horrid 2-2-1-1-1 format? This is something we can all agree on, right?

Am I rehashing arguments that non-baseball fans have about the MLB Playoffs and non-football fans have about the NFL playoffs? Probably, but even NBA fans have to grate a little about the length of the playoffs. In a country of “I want everything 5 minutes ago”, how can these keep anyone’s attention? I think you either need to be a passionate fan, stoned, or lost the remote in order to sit through the weeks and months on end that the NBA Playoffs have lasted. For everyone’s sake, I hope it’s the first option.